10 Signs you’re addicted to loving a cheater

Here on Lovefraud, we often say that the incredibly strong feelings you have for someone you know is a sociopath are not really love, but addiction.

How can you know? And how does this happen?

Donna Andersen has just contributed an article to YourTango.com, a website dedicated to love and relationships, that answers the questions. Here are some of the signs:

1. You confront him about the calls on his phone from other women. He comes up with excuses, and you know they are lame, but you accept them anyway.

2. He says it’s your fault that he cheated on you, and you agree with him.

3. You keep telling yourself that if you could just be more loving, patient, sexy, etc., he would make you his one-and-only.

Read the rest of the article here:

10 Signs you’re addicted to loving a CHEATER, on YourTango.com.

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27 Comments on "10 Signs you’re addicted to loving a cheater"

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As a very experienced mental health professional who spent 20 years w a psychopath who fabricated stories of extreme child abuse to distract me from the truth,I was blown away to discover the extent of the disorder.
6 years out, the impact of the trauma is gone expert for the physical problems related to adrenal fatigue.
As a memeer of this community I think I understand the rage, hurt, and trauma that people have been through. This site is a safe place that helps people work through these things.
I have never found organizations such as NAMI to do much for helping de stigmatize “mental illness.” The emphasis on Illness is a big problem for me.
So while out new poster messenger, as articulate and composed as I presume he is, is lacks Nf context as well as perhaps direct experience w psychopathy.
I think his or her compassion towards psychopaths is seriously misdirected and misplaced. That doesn’t mean he or she is disordered but simply that he or she probably doesn’t get it.
I think the extreme negativity towards those comments and him or her are unfortunate. But I think the basic message is-you don’t seem to understand our experience and or seem to be placing the well being of these people who are such toxic, vicious, manipulate, and above all domineering creatures, as something members of this community should expend the Ben more energy on them, than they have often for years, it’s a real disservice.
You’ve made your points, many of them have some validity IMO,
thanks for that. But I think there’s a real disconnect in your thinking or experience between the reality the members of this community have been through and a misplaced concern for the week being of people who could care less about your concerns unless it helps them stay under the radar.

Really, the pattern follows what I’ve seen with conversations with sociopaths. Every single time. First, willing to see our point of view, while still refusing to take any responsibility. But you think, well, s/he sounds like they kind of get it. Thank God. Some validation. Then when they don’t get what they want from us, or get what they do NOT want in the way of boundaries, the blame and the victim mentality increases. When that still does not get what they want, ie total aquiescence of one’s self, boundaries and all, including seeing him/her as the complete victim, the vitriol from him/her increases. They are 100% victim, and we are either 100% to blame, or at the very least are 100% scum for not being willing to throw ourselves on the railroad tracks to try to save them from their mental anguish. Every. Single. Time. When my stalkery friend from years ago tried to reestablish contact with me the second to last time, he went through all three phases within about 12 hours and like 8 phone calls. His last couple calls that time were to tell me he had taken like a million sleeping pills and was putting himself back inpatient in a psych ward b/c he didn’t think I would have been so cold, and he thought that as a Christian I would want to help him get better. With my ex, she kept laying the guilt trip on me that I was being so “nasty” with her in everything I said (it didn’t matter what I said or in what tone I said it, it was all me being nasty somehow) and she was horrified that I didn’t care enough about my life partner (who, mind you, I had already broken up with) to continue to put aside anything I had to do ever (including work) to be by her side as she was having a mental breakdown. It isn’t enough to just be indifferent with them, to just stay away from them. They expect that we go out of our way to help them, regardless of the cost for us. I think I need to write about my old (now dead) stalkery friend. That could be good times. Too bad I didn’t learn my lesson well enough with him to avoid my ex. Won’t make that mistake again.


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