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10 translations of what sociopaths mean by ‘I love you’

Authentic affection or a sociopath?Most sociopaths are really good at proclaiming their love. They often say the words “I love you” so quickly that it surprises us how can they already feel that way? We just met!

When we question them, they respond, “You’re the one I’ve been waiting for all my life,” or, “I just know that we’re perfect for each other,” or something equally endearing.

We want to believe them, so we do. They keep pouring it on, until we fall in love with them. The big problem, however, is that our love is real and theirs is fake.

Sociopaths are incapable of love. Even though they sound sincere and convincing, they literally do not have the internal wiring that makes it possible for them to feel authentic love.

So when sociopaths say the words, “I love you,” what do they mean? Here are some possibilities:

  1. I want to have sex with you.
  2. I want to control you.
  3. I want to own you.
  4. I want to sponge off of you.
  5. I want you to make me look good.
  6. I want to take advantage of you.
  7. I want to mess with your mind.
  8. I want to manipulate you.
  9. I want to deceive you.
  10. I want you to serve my needs.

Are the words “I love you,” when spoken by a sociopath, a lie? Maybe. Maybe not.

Remember, sociopaths do not experience real love. They do not know what it is like to truly care about another person’s wellbeing, to give so that another person can flourish. In reality, they have no frame of reference for the word, “love.”

Many sociopaths believe that love is sex and sex is love. They like sex. In fact, what sociopaths want in life is power, control and sex.

So if they believe sex and love are synonymous, and say they love you because they want to have sex with you well, maybe it’s the truth.

On the other hand, sociopaths know they are manipulating us. They know we have emotions and they don’t, which to them means we have vulnerabilities that they can exploit. Even though they don’t feel the words, they have learned that if they say, “I love you,” they get what they want.

This is one of the hardest things for the rest of us to come to terms with that “I love you,” when spoken by a sociopath, did not mean what we thought it meant. In fact, the words could have meant nothing at all.

Lovefraud first published this article on August 22, 2016. It is reposted by reader’s request.

 


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6 Comments on "10 translations of what sociopaths mean by ‘I love you’"

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Learned painfully to look at ACTIONS and ignore words, EXCEPT when a person admits to, “I was a very bad person.” All three times a person admitted they WERE a bad person, they were presently a bad person! If a sociopath admits to wrongdoing, or being a bad person, past or present, BELIEVE THEM, and run in the other direction!

Yes and yes, exactly.

My sociopath even told me to run. Many times he told me to run, even when I was unaware of any wrong doing, he told me to run. He would also say “anyone I have ever loved has abandoned me”. He would reference his childhood filled with abuse and neglect (which turns out was completely untrue). He would have these rare moments I felt like he would try to explain why he seemed disconnected and his behavior didn’t match his words. He knew something was wrong with him but he was very content in actuality-with himself. He used the pity ploy to make me feel sorry for him because he did not connect like a normal person. In hindsight he was not connected at all and every single word was a lie. When I knew he saw things in me I wasn’t proud of, I would say the same thing to him, you should probably run. I got a leg injury and stopped running and gained weight and lost my ability to be as active as I was when we first met. It depressed me and I would tell him he should go find someone else (ha had plenty of someone elses turns out). Or when my kids would be difficult I would say you should probably run…we said these things to one another. I always wanted to believe it was because we cared so much for one another, we wanted the other to be happy and not hold one another back. Everything was just so psycho between us.

The further away I get from it the more I realize he obliterated all of my personal boundaries because I was consumed by the love bombing and unable to think clearly. I had never felt love like that before-and the reason was is because it wasn’t love at all. It wasn’t at all in the least bit real. It was all manipulation. I look forward to the day I can say that without feeling shame regarding my part in it. I know I was out of my league and he is a high functioning sociopath but I still had red flags I ignored and friends & family who tried to help me to see the truth (even when they were fooled eventually because he kept up the idolation of me FOR FIVE YEARS without stealing from me) but still. I certainly have been made aware by this experience that I have a great deal of personal inner work to do, self worth to build and boundaries with solid standards and non negotiables to define. I contemplate why on earth sociopaths even exist in our world and the thought keeps coming back to me that they are here to make us more aware of our own shortcomings. So that we may recognize those things in ourselves we may not have ever addressed otherwise. They provide a contrast between darkness and light, love and absence of love. Perhaps so when we rebuild ourselves, we look inward instead of outward for the truest form of love. A loving relationship is maybe to accentuate our experience on earth perhaps, but it is self love that must be our foundation to recognize the goodness in others. Our greatest barrier between us and evil is perhaps self love.

empath 1965 – “Our greatest barrier between us and evil is perhaps self love.” WOW! very powerfully stated.

It’s been 10 long years since I ended the short relationship I had with the sociopath, and learned for the first time in my life what a sociopath was. However, I still have run-ins with them from time to time. And there is one common factor in these meetings. They are EXTREMELY charming, and I find myself thinking about them after I meet them. There are two I hired to do handyman/contracting work. The most recent was a sweet and intelligent good looking young guy who seemed to know what he was doing. When he showed up, he started flirting right away. Being twice his age, I thought I was impervious to that kind of attention. But I found myself thinking about him after he left and his great energy and passion. So when he disappeared with my screen door he was supposed to fix and bring back, and never called or showed up again, it didn’t surprise me. I knew right away I was dealing with a sociopath. I can spot them now, but sometimes it takes a minute. Knowing what he was, I stopped trying to get my screen back, bought a new one, and cut my losses.

I hired a contractor to do some drainage work on my second home last year. He wasn’t very attractive but had a commanding presence. Within an hour of meeting him, I was feeling drawn to him and found myself thinking about him. But this guy I really thought was a great guy, and hoped we could at least do business together in the future. I couldn’t understand why I was thinking about him SO much though, and it was a bit of a red flag to me. Later I found out he was a con artist who had spent a lot of time in jail for his cons. Surprise surprise.

It seems when a guy is too good to be true, he usually is. Normal guys are not really great at seduction.

Stargazer,
“It seems when a guy is too good to be true, he usually is. Normal guys are not really great at seduction.” FUEL FOR THOUGHT. Thanks for your insight.

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