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Actress Kelly Rutherford loses battle to bring her kids home

Kelly Rutherford

Kelly Rutherford

Kelly Rutherford, who starred in the TV show Gossip Girl, has lost her court battle to bring her American-born children home from France.

She was married to Daniel Giersch, a German businessman. Suspecting that he was cheating on her, Kelly filed for divorce.

Then, Giersch’s visa to live in the United States was revoked. The New York Post reported that because he sold $5.5 million in real estate without paying taxes, and engaged in visa fraud.

In a ruling that Dan Abrams, ABC News legal consultant, called “one of the worst custody decisions ever,” Judge Theresa Beaudet of California Superior Court in Los Angeles ruled that the children should live with their father in France, because he is not allowed into the United States.

Kelly Rutherford appealed the decision to federal court, which declined to step in.

Kelly Rutherford on custody loss: ‘Everyone knows it’s not right,‘ on ABCnews.go.com.

Two American kids shipped to France in one of the worst custody decisions. Ever., on ABCNews.go.com.

 


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57 Comments on "Actress Kelly Rutherford loses battle to bring her kids home"

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This seems to be incredulous! Is this more about the unjust power of the American judicial system or could there possibly be more facts to this than is publicly apparent? If so, it is a great example of why we need more public disclosure than our drive for secrecy.

Im at work. Im not well. I was playing piano for my eldery residents. they were gathered around me. and it hit me.

I do not have my boyfriend/fiancé… TO GO HOME TO TONIGHT AND WITH WHOM TO SPEND THE WEEKEND.

Our weekends were the best.
we went to starbucks’ every sat. for a year. it was so fun and romantic and silly.

He just wrote me the am I got the pocket dial how he cant wait to spend the rest of his life with me.

I feel as if I am sinking….. or more like falling off a very tall bridge.
I leave work today top pick up restraining order papers.

the pain is so severe…

I just called the Hotline… they have no walk in times until after work Monday.

For God’s sake and yours…do not be lured into this man’s enticements; you will just be putting off the eventual agony and will be just wasting your time and energy. You have so many of us here at LF cheering you on but we cannot do what you alone MUST do. Get over it one day at a time and regain your former happier self. Be with friends, listen to music. go see a movie, take a long walk in the country, start a long-put-off project; anything that’ll take your mind off him for a break! Don’t remember the “good times”, remember the bad times which always follow!

Thank u sooooooooojudge granted a restraining order. The fire department where he works got a hold of it. I think he was in trouble with something before. They have asked me to come to the fire station, no he is not there, and file a complaint with the police

Being validated is encouraging. It’s good that others know that he is a problem and are encouraging you to file a complaint. I’m so glad that you got past this hurdle. Prayers that things keep going as well as possible.

Kittylover, it does not make any sense to have to go down to the fire department to file a police report. This is his place of work and this is a place that you should not be since the judge gave you the restraining order. Is this a trap by his co workers?…beware. I would not go until I would ask the local abuse center for guidance on what to do sense you have already filed a report with the court/judge.

I am not saying to not file a police report but instead ask for guidance from the abuse center first.

Jan7 and Kitty,

I was wondering about that too, but I thought perhaps it was a small town and the municipal offices were in the same place. Jan7 is right, it could very well be a trap. What is the reason to file a police report there? In my town, the police usually come to the person’s home or other location to take reports.

Hi Kitty,

What you’re feeling is normal. It’s the worst, a total nightmare. You have a lot of good things to grieve, and it takes time to rebuild a good life that is real. You will feel better.

Here’s a national hotline, not in person, but maybe they have something to offer to help you. http://www.thehotline.org/

There’s a lot of stress about the Restraining Order right now. I hope you can get some rest from the pain and grief. It will cycle for awhile, and you will feel better. If you’re up to it, it might help to try thinking of the things you do have to be grateful for. It also helped me to read about psychopathy and this kind of a relationship, so I could understand what was happening to me. Try to do something nice for yourself too, take a walk, watch a funny movie, whatever works to make you feel better. If you can. It may be that grieving will take most of your energy at first.

police were not there as I thought they would be but battalion officer met with me and he is reporting this to the higher ups. Then on the way home as I may have told you I see him sitting out side of a bar drinking looking pretty …smoking …..smiling and laughing ….and of course texting. How can such evil exist and how on earth do I forgive myself for being so stupid and so targeted? If you even knew how stupid I was. Omg.

Can ANYONE understand what it was like to see him all decked out in a gorgeous purple shirt I bought him for his bday…. in front of a bar laughing a smiling with girls and friends?
so proud of myself for not making myself know or getting out of car to warn others. I only would have looked crazy…… I am just sick over this. This is so evil that I am stunned.
eight months living free on my couch, playing xbox, procliaming love…. broken leg his healed…. his repossesed car was replaced by a 2,000 car that I got him tags and all cuz we were life partners and he was gonna take over bills and rent as soon as he got a second job back.
I guess I am like his repossessed Camaro. He got to drive around and look good and hot in the shiny red thing that everyone else gauked at…. but he never had to pay for it. The bank finally found him and took it back. He told me he owns nothing on it now…. b/c he hadnt made payments in 8 months to a year and that when a car is taken back by bank… that is your payment.
is that true?
or will bank sue him?

if it is true.. I am just like his hot car. Used… abused.. not payed for discarded… AND NOW HE DOES NOT EVEN HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT???????

Can someone answer that? Thank you.
My other posts were voice texts so they may have sounded a bit nuttier than usual.

Yep… laughing.. drinking… waiting to prowl the town.. find a well off widower her in Florida and b/c of his good looks and being the ever trusted firefighter/paramedic… we all fall for it. Love bomb starts…….. i wish I could just let the world know what he was about. i wish his minions knew the truth

the court date for my restraining order is May 11th. This ought to be fun.

the Batallion chief that i should have filed a police report the times Jerry pushed me and put hand over my mouth or throat… that he would have been arrested. I had no idea. i am an idiot. Why didn’t i do that?

Kitty,

I don’t think you’re an idiot, it’s a normal response. Women aren’t taught not to accept bad treatment in relationships, these days. You probably can still file a police report and he will be arrested, but it’s less credible if you wait. There are pros and cons.

It’s so wrong what he’s doing and it’s painful to have it in your face that way. I hope he didn’t see you, but he may have. It may have been a set up. In any case he is just using the woman he’s with currently. If he didn’t do what he’s doing he would be a different person and you wouldn’t have kicked him out. What you’re seeing is the reason you kicked him out.

I think you’re safer if he’s occupied with someone else.

Take care. You can be glad you don’t understand him. Who wants to understand why he does what he does.

There’s been a few worse decisions. Like the one that sent my boys over to complete custody of their ‘father’ who sexually molested at least one of them and, of course, me. Then, there’s the decisions that give custody of the kids to their ‘father’ who then kills them.

I fought as hard as I could. But know that deep in my heart, he would fulfill his ‘promise, not threat’ to kill my boys if I ever received custody instead of him. So, I’m keeping myself and them alive in hell for a little while longer until they get old enough to legally make their way to me.

I hope this opens people’s eyes to the corruption and mysoginy (sp) in the US court system that just will not go away.

Onebody, the US courts are a joke…from divorce court to child custody issues they are a mess and the sociopath knows exactly how to con the courts and to turn everything around to make themselves look like the victim and the courts buy it.

Have you looked at the site Onemomsbattle. com?? & their facebook page under the same name. The site creator also has two books out.

Thanks for the website. I’ve been looking at different sites and trying to find one or 2 that might give ideas for help. A lot of the other sites (unfortunately, that includes this one) always has a few that say ‘but mothers are at fault half the time too’, which is a lie and completely turns me off. Men hold the power and money in this world. Men have more testosterone to lead to more violent acts. Men are in charge and have more power to stop this. Instead we get ‘mens’ rights movements and other such stuff to kick women who are hurting in the worst way possible even down further.

And yes, I understand female sociopaths. My mom might have been one, besides being mentally ill. That does not take away the fact that abusive men receive full custody 70-85% of the time, depending on the state. Women would be better off if the judge would just flip a coin on the custody decision. The hurts done to children and caring mothers would then be reduced by at least 25% in that case.

Onebody, your welcome. I agree…the majority of sociopaths/psychopaths are male and it is estimated that 1 in 5 people have narcissistic personality disorder 75% are men. These are statistical facts. (1 in 25 people are sociopaths/psychopaths).

True about “just flip a coin” a divorce would be a lot cheaper if they did this but the lawyers would want half of the actual coin that was flipped LOL 😉

Be sure to check out Onemomsbattle facebook page also. If you choose to chat on the facebook page (which i highly recommend = get good advise/support) I would recommend that you open a fake email account then a fake facebook acct that way you can chat without your ex or his family/friends seeing what you post.

big support needed please so I had to drive through the town where he is a fireman and just now I’m at a traffic light and lo and behold there he is dressed up women a woman in his lap drinking living the high life as if nothing ever happened I am sick to my stomach he did not see me and for a moment I thought I’ll get out of the car and tell the woman he is with hi I’m the girl he just lived with for 8 months for free. But then I thought no way. I’m smarter than that. I did not talk with the police but the battalion officer was there from the fire department and he is reporting this to the higher ups. I am using voice text in my car so excuse typos. Please please send support. How can the man who said he was going to marry me a week ago and we still in love with me and crying be already back on Atlantic Avenue sitting out at all the bottle is looking for women? And why should I care and why can’t I just see what a scumbag he is?

Yes I called line. Not much help. I need help. I need to get this ahole out of my life. I see his sociopathic words. It is sickening… denial was much easier.
I feel I will die if I say goodbye… but I need to. now.

but how… I start crying and screaming for him to stay. /b c the man I loved is leaving me…. but the truth is… he has already left.
I am meeting with a rabbi soon. I am not jewish…. but I wonder if I could open up to him.
HELP ME GOD. PLEASE. HE IS USING ME FOR A PLACE TO STAY TIL HE GETS ANOTHER JOB AND THEN BOOM… cheat again.. start anew with another victim and leave.
someone help me please. I am sick to my stomach. I am numb in fear.
HE CANNOT LOVE.
he left his wife of 22 years.
w kids.
pays alamony and child support only b/c it is deducted from his check.
he rarely makes time to see his awesome kids and blows them off.
he says he started spending tim with another woman…. b/c I had almost kicked him out so many times and he thought we were on the rocks and he was gonna need a place to go.
we were not on the rocks. and if we were.. why was he proclaiming love and future and marriage each day…?
why did he allow me to pay for his car tags and 350 to have his storage openened and let him live rent and bill free with me since Oct. 4th… when he makes 70,000 and I made 20,000 last year and this new job is 50,000.
we were not on the rocks when he cried on Easter Sunday and held my hand in car telling me how much he loves me.
it is satan.
someone please please help me get rid of this person.
I seem incapable.
I love the good we had….. it is so confusing.

Divine Intervention Please.

Kittylover, if you want him out of your life you MUST follow the NO CONTACT RULE!!!

It’s that simple. period.

You keep choosing to talk with him/email/text….you need to BLOCK HIM!!!

You need to change your email, phone number & all social media accts.

You are choosing to walk back into the burn house with him. If you truly want help then you first need to help YOURSELF and stop contacting him.

You are the only one that can implement the NO CONTACT RULE!! YOU know this already.

Go to your local abuse center for free counseling & women group meetings for help.

This is from narcissistfree.site:

Why Initiate a”No Contact” Rule When Leaving a Narcissistic Relationship

No contact is initiated as a way of breaking the psychic emotional bonds between you and a narcissistic partner, friend or family member. If you have been involved with a narcissistic person for any length of time you will undoubtedly have a strong attachment to that person. This attachment needs to be weakened which will happen much more quickly once you engage the rules of “no contact.”

I am referring to the rules of “no contact” as RULES but these are only enforced by you. These are your rules! If you break these rules you are the one who pays the consequences. And”there are most definitely consequences that come in the form of emotional pain and re-attachment.

No contact gives you the space and time to get your energy back into your life. It can be challenging at first as you may have to resist the urge to answer the phone, return an Email or make that call. You must get into the habit of policing yourself for your own good. Imagine that you have two different aspects of yourself; a parent self and a child self. The parent self will have to police the child self to be sure she doesn’t do anything that will hurt her. You know intellectually that breaking the rules of “no contact” will hurt that child, so you stop her from doing so, even though she is throwing a tantrum.

Making a decision to cut off contact with a narcissistic personality when leaving the relationship is an important part of your recovery process. The decision to initiate “NO Contact” is a decision for your health and sanity.

When you remain in contact you continue to engage in the relationship on some level and are still affected by its craziness and dysfunction. You will normally continue to be affected by the hot and cold behavior of the narcissist, be pulled in and pushed away, confused and hurt. You will continue to be drained energetically which results in depression and lethargy.

The best remedy for getting yourself back is to stop giving your energy to the relationship in any way, shape or matter. You can only dry off when you take your feet out of the water. Cut off his access to you and your energy!

Of course there are cases where ’no contact” is not possible due to the involvement of children or when the narcissistic personality is a direct family member. However even in these cases contact can be greatly limited and sometimes all contact can be through a third party mediator.

Here are the rules of No Contact:

1) Once you have made the decision to end the relationship get your business taken care of immediately, if possible. If you are married and going through a divorce you will need to initiate the divorce right away or make the decision to put it on hold for six months to a year while you take care of yourself and your family. During that time you can initiate “no contact” and then initiate the divorce paperwork, through an attorney when you are stronger. Let the narcissist in your life know that you are ending the relationship and won’t be in communication with him for a while. Ask him to please refrain from calling, text messaging, Emailing, instant chat or stopping by your home or workplace.

2) Taking care of business involves getting your possessions, giving him his possessions. Getting separate living quarters, separating bills and anything that would give you a reason to contact him or for him to contact you. If necessary use a third party mediator.

3) Clean out your home and get rid of any memorabilia having to do with your ex-narcissistic partner. If you are having issues throwing something away or burning it, put it in a big box, tape it up and store it somewhere where you won’t see it. If you are comfortable burning sage or incense this can help clear the energy of your home. Also burning candles is a good way to shift the energy.

4) Make no arrangements for personal meetings. If he stops by, don’t answer the door. If you see him in public, put your sunglasses on, avoid eye contact and move past him as quickly as possible.

5) Make or accept no phone calls. If he calls, don’t answer the phone. If he calls from an unidentified number and you hear his voice on the other end, hang up without saying a word. He’ll get the message. If he leaves a voice mail message try and erase it without listening if you can. If he is persistent, consider having your phone number changed. This is your sanity we are talking about. It is priceless.

6) Make or accept no text messages, emails, or instant chat. It is best to block his emails and even consider having your own email address changed so he won’t have your information. This prevents him emailing you from an unknown address.

7) If you are on any mutual community Websites, you will want to stop visiting those sites. Do not access his Web pages, profiles, or anything that will give you current info on him. What he is doing is none of your business. What you are doing is none of his.

8) If you have friends in common, you will want to let them know that you are avoiding any and all contact with him at this time so you can focus on your healing and you request that they NOT share any information about him with you nor any information about you with him. If you find mutual friends do not support your request you will want to avoid contact with them for a time. Do not allow anyone to tell you that what you are doing is crazy, silly, stupid, childish or invalidate your decision in any way. This is a time to surround yourself with people who support you and let go of people who don’t.

9) If you work with him, in the same office building, same company, etc.. Same rules apply. If you are forced to do business with him, keep all communication strictly business and don’t allow him to engage you in any other way. Remember: He no longer has access to you or your energy.

10) If you have children with him you are best to engage a mediator for all contact. Narcissistic people will often use the children as a way to get to you. You may consider asking a family member or good friend to act as the mediator for young children. If your kids are old enough to handle their own business, let them work out the details of any visits directly with the other parent and communicate with you to be sure you approve. Be careful not to use your children to punish the narcissistic parent. The kids will be the ones being affected. In some cases when the narcissistic parent realizes he has no control over you and using the kids doesn’t work, he may bow out altogether and you may rarely hear from him. So it is important that you don’t allow him access to you, even if you have kids. Keep it strictly business.

How Long Must No Contact Last?

No contact should remain in affect until you feel the bond has been completely severed. This can take several years so be prepared to continue “no contact” for a long time. Most will find once that bond is severed there is no need or desire to see that person, but the rules can soften a bit at this point so if you run into him on the street you may say “hello” and be kind, but not engage in any “real” conversation. If you have kids together you may be able to communicate directly at some point in the future, although there is absolutely no guarantee this will work well.

Once you have moved on, down the road, you will want to be careful not to make the mistake of believing maybe he/she has changed. The likelihood of any real change is very small. Always assume he is the same person as he always was. Even if he had changed, your trust in him has already been severely damaged and you would never likely be fully trusting again. This is no way to have a relationship. You deserve to have someone you can trust completely in your life.

I just called TMobile and they have blocked his numbers and texts.

jan 7…. the above post that you posted for me is sooooooooo helpful. soooooo helpful. thank you so much.

it is funny…. but you are all right…. once he saw he could no longer manipulate me…. he did not even try to talk me into staying or being with him. I knows it is over b/c THE TRUTH HAS BEEN REVEALED VIA POCKET CALL. Thank you universe. He just slithered back to his car…. that he was only able to buy after his was repossessed from my apartment… b/c I was letting him live here free b/c he said we were forever and had broken his leg. Dear God I am a sucker.

Kittylover, it’s better to change your phone number altogether that way he will not used a block number to call you. You have to take charge of your life and this is the way you get them out of it for good = No contact rule & blocking them.

It’s good that you are finally making the necessary steps to take your power back but seriously change your phone number it’s inconvenience for a little while but if you really dont want him in your life it’s the best way.

It makes sense to continue no contact forever. This person is evil and harmful and he will not change in this lifetime. There is no good reason to have any contact ever, unless he repents and changes, and sadly, that does not happen with psychopaths.

The miracle here is….I HAVE NO INTEREST IN EVER CONTACTING HIM.
I no longer miss the Jerry that was so divine. You know why? His mask came off. A pocket dial… something that has never happened on his phone to mine before in a year….. revealed who and what he is. A fake. A Jeckyll and Hide.
A man who seduces women for a place to live b/c he has so messed up his finances by never paying bills or car payments or anything. He is not able to get his own place now. I was still in denial last week. And yesterday…. my denial burst. When I told him how sad I was that he could ever cheat on me… all the while saying he would always protect me… telling my poor parents not to worry…I will take care of her. When he scoffed and said, “You have problem getting over things. I do not think you have the ability to get over a little mistake I made in the past.”
I SAW IT.
The psychopath. Right there before me. Laughing at my pain. the pain that he caused. Angry b/c I am hurting… and he is the one that kicked me. If I kicked my kitty cat… she would cry wouldn’t she? Dear God… I would hold her and comfort her and say I am sorry and make it up to her. I would not laugh at her and tell her that she has a “problem” b/c she is hurting!
What an evil evil human being.
Making me feel bad… about feeling betrayed.
Twisted. Evil. I have no interest in that energy… that darkness… that anxiety and fear causing energy to ever occupy my presence, my time or anything of mine again.
Ill see him in court if the judge grants a restraining order, but I am not even bothered by it. The man standing there.. I am sure he will wear his firefighter uniform for brownie points and part of his disguise/costume. Than man in the blue pant and shirt and black boots…. is not a man. He is a coward. An abyss that will never be satisfied and will destroy anyone women with whom he becomes involved. YUK!!!!!! Pig. Dear God I hope I do not have a disease. I am waiting a month to get tested. He refuses to wear condoms. Says his penis is too large and they do not make them large enough.
so you know what he has going for him?
A nice penis.
that is it.
no joke.
I deserve more than that.
I would not have sex with him if my life depended on it. This is a miracle… as a week ago I missed him. I missed a mirage. Time to get back into the real world.

thanks for letting me rant.

I am seeing my shrink today at 5:30 just to be sure I have meds in order…and for him to know what is going on as panic attacks and depression will be taking place as you all know.

Love you all.

I enjoyed reading your rational and strong ‘rant.’

Does your counselor understand pathological relationship abuse? In the long run when things settle, you might consider finding one who does.

I don’t get the whole ‘too big to wear a condom’ thing. It is just an outright blatant lie. When I was in school and we had the STD talk, as the nurse was talking, she started working a condom onto her hand, eventually getting both hands into it but never making any reference to what she was doing. Finally, at the end of her speech she said “Girls, take a look at my hands. If a guy ever tells you that he is too big to fit into a condom, you would probably be uncomfortable having sex with him anyway.” We all had a good laugh.

No More Wool, In my experience everything my ex spath says is lies to manipulate, whether they’re talking about condoms or what they want for breakfast or whether they love you or not. If something they say is true, it’s random, not that they’re saying it because it’s the truth. They start with their selfish sadistic motive and then construct fake nonsensical reality with what they say to support their motive.
I learned to figure out what his selfish sadistic motive was, and in that context I could understand why he was saying whatever BS he was saying. It am still remembering things he said and did years ago, and deconstructing them to understand what was really behind it. I was so deceived about so much.

He is gone jan7. gone. i am no contact for the rest of my life.
done.
for to even speak with him….
is not to speak to him..

b/c “HE” never ever existed.

He does not even know who or what he is..and he destroys any woman who he succeeds in making her fall in love with him.

poor english. sorry.

He is gone.

need to block his number on email, phone, text.

any advice? I need that 9999 number….

and I do not know how to block on gmail. ugh.

i shut my facebook down.

I cannnot believe i was strong enough to do this. thank you everyone. and do not worry… hed never come back and hurt me jphysically.. he is a fireman… and under the radar. if his name is on ONE POLICE REPORT… he is looked at.. and they have had probs with him before for “ruffling feathers” of fellow officers.. “Pushing Peoples’ Button” and having sex with his then girlfriend in a car in the parking lot while on duty.
i found a letter from the Fire Dept. to him before he met me.. al these things are stated. HE WILL not risk his job.

Kittylover, he is EVIL. Change your phone number to a new phone number by contacting your phone company & change all of your media accounts and shut down your old email acct and open a new open so that he has zero way to contact you.

DO not protect him if he comes back into your life, file a police report.

He will risk his job to get what he wants because these evil people are so use to manipulating everyone with their lying words.

The NO Contact rule is the way to peace & calmness.

“He will risk his job to get what he wants because these evil people are so use to manipulating everyone with their lying words.”

Spot on. Sociopaths are so used to getting what they want through lies and manipulation that they think they can charm and lie their way out of anything. They also think that if they “lie low” for long enough that everyone will forget what they did and they can start over with a clean slate. Fortunately, the national crime index computer keeps files for much longer than sociopaths realize – indefinitely if the crime was serious enough.

You are doing all the right things!! You can be so proud of yourself for your strength.

He won’t hurt you physically because he doesn’t want to get caught and lose his job. Keep in mind that if he thinks he can get away with something, there is nothing to stop him because he has no empathy and no conscience. Many psychopaths have done things and never gotten caught. So he won’t risk his job, but if he thinks he can get away with it, there is no limit to what he may do.

Hopefully you are right and he won’t bother you anymore. Just keep in mind that the disordered are not predictable in a normal way.

With respect to the restraining order, it may not offer you protection and if it enrages him because it’s another spot on his record, it may put you in more danger. It’s a difficult decision to make. Prayers for wisdom for you.

I am so sorry for all of my typos. How can I edit? it is b/c I have been running around. was typing on my phone.. and now I am at work and writing quickly when I can. Sorry.
Does anyone know how I can edit?

thanks.

On my desktop, there’s an ‘edit’ button

Sometimes a post has an edit button, sometimes it doesn’t. I’m not sure what determines it.

So glad you finally see the light….stay the course and don’t slip.

Dear kitty lover: you can do it! Millions of us have done the unthinkable FOR OUR OWN GOOD. No one can understand what you’re going through except another victim; it’s impossible to grasp such evil actually exists! PLEASE don’t let this spaths mind control put you so low that you feel you no longer matter…you do and you CAN do it! The longer you show your defeatism, the longer he will control you and go laughing away. Remember, he just doesn’t give a whip, why waste your precious energy on such a loser? Stick to the NC girl and gradually it will get better. Work on getting your old self back, the one who was once happy. Faith and strength; we are all behind you…cheering.

Beautiful flicka and helpful. He is gone. got my key… told him to pack up his stuff.. called Tmobile.. his numbers and texts are blocked.
Everyone he’s left… he’s come back… crying.. sometimes drunk… declaring love and forever. This is 6th time. I’m wondering if I should file restraining order as my friends told me to do 5 abandonment ago? He is snesky. Smart. Knows my schedule. Every move i make each day. My job. He even came in my apt as I slept once at 3 am…. m with no invite. I’m falling adleep. Love you all. I’m free.

If he’s come in before uninvited, it’s important to change your locks and get a deadbolt.

Get the kind of deadbolt that takes a key from both sides. That way if he breaks in through a window and needs to escape quickly he can’t run out through the door. Wear the key around your neck in case YOU need to get out quickly when you are home.

Also, he is a fireman, so he may be a closet pyromaniac.

I am also aware of the prevalence of pyromaniacs among firefighters. It’s something to be concerned about.

Kitty, even if your condo association can’t evict you legally, maybe moving would be a good idea anyway. Are you an owner or a tenant?

I know you’re reading all kinds of ideas here. They won’t all apply to your situation, but maybe you’ll find something helpful among them, and you can get some things to consider.

Spaths can be dangerous, and it took me a long time to understand that. It’s a big change from the person they portrayed themselves to be. I now feel like the relationship never really existed when I have memories of it.

I just filed a restraining order. I had to. My condo association banned him from ptoperY. The present saw him driving in my parking lot last night. She said if this man comes back to our complex. THEY WILL EVICT ME!!!!!!!!! He akso. . Wrll you know he told me last nighy.. that when I least expect it.. he will be there

You should review your condo association’s regulations to see if they can really kick you out because a third party is stalking you. Also make sure whatever security officers you have (if any)have a copy of the restraining order along with a photo of him.

For him to be banned, he has to have been misbehaving when you weren’t around. Ask the condo association to put in writing that you will be evicted if he comes around, then give a copy of the letter to his employer along with a copy of the restraining order…. BUT ONLY IF YOU FEEL SAFE DOING THIS. These nutcases can be unpredictable, and if he feels his job is threatened he might come after you, especially if he thinks he has nothing to lose by doing so.

TAKE CARE AND BE SAFE

sorry to be so harsh. I am dealing with my own spathic issues at the moment and it makes me irritable.

No More,

For what it’s worth, I didn’t perceive your post as being harsh; I hope Kittylover didn’t either. I think you offered some very good information.

Thank you Annette. When I am irritable the “narrator” in my head sounds harsh as I reread my words. 😛

Also, Kittylover, if you aren’t already keeping a log of his interactions with you, you may want to begin. It doesn’t need to be extremely detailed, just things like – 4/30/15 11:49 pm texted; 11:51 pm hangup call; 11:58 pm drove by my house

It will show a pattern of behavior and might come in handy if you ever have to go to court. If he does do something bizarre you can also document in more detail if needed. I have my journals locked away where they are safe in case I ever need them.

And remember, the difference between being paranoid and being vigilant is that paranoia is irrational and vigilance is for good cause.

dear kitty lover, please listen and follow sage advice of Annette. and remember, we’re all beside you and support you 100%!

Nonsense about the penis size; how can you fall for such absurdity? To a psycho, they are ALWAYS the biggest, strongest, smartest etc. Ridiculous! The fact that you fall for such nonsense shows how mind-controlled you are…free yourself to think critically and you’ll be fine.

I agree with whoever warned you about going to the firehouse….it’s likely a trap! Also beware of his potentially harming or killng you. I know this sounds impossible but believe me, it’s a distinct possibility. Stay AWAY from him!!!

NO more support from me if you cannot see what he’s doing to YOU!!!

Flicka,

It may be helpful to consider that Kitty is seeing and understanding what is going on. That’s why she is feeling so devastated and distraught. It’s very painful when someone in a relationship that is supposed to be love based and trust based betrays one. If Kitty didn’t see that, she would not be experiencing the pain that she’s feeling. She has kicked him out of her home, she has not broken no contact, and she is dealing with a restraining order, and other issues.
Also, consider that support is almost always helpful, even if the victim isn’t looking at things the best way.

I’m sorry if at times my patience gets low; it’s just that at 77 and disabled, I wasted 40 years of agony excusing my family’s behavior. My motives were all the very best, it’s just that I didn’t know/recognize the traits or how very powerful genetics are. I hate to see anyone suffering away a lifetime needlessly as I did and sometimes feel tough love may snap them out of it. Sorry.

I know you mean well. Congratulations on 77! I’m not far behind. Tough love is still love. I’m sorry if I’m overly sensitive.

I understand Flica.. big hug to you

Flicka… this was NOT a set up and he did not see me. It is a very tiny beach town where he works. the main “Ave” is wear all the drinkers hang out and drink and look for chicks.
they have had problems with him before and his batallion officer wanted to report this.. they are not telling jerry.
my restraining order will not even be delivered to him until next week. or the court hearing for it I guess is what it is.

tomorrow… when I have more energy….
I am going to make a list of the reasons I am SO GLAD HE IS GONE.
They outweigh the reasons I am sad he is away for sure…. Im just sick over it all having been a joke to him. A con. I am mad at myself for all of the money I gave… when I have very little… and all the love and energy I gave…and I could have met a healthy person if I had not been with him.

Read this and all other websites and you’ll see you weren’t stupid at all…just ignorant about the illness like we all were. Arm yourself with all this information and your attitude will change.

Thank you.

He will NEVER take responsibility for ANYTHING…you, his bed, his job, his vehicle, nothing. Keep that thought and you’ll soon be over him. He is slimy! Get him out of your mind!

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