By | March 3, 2012 26 Comments

At least this con man is doing jail time

Paul Francois of Florida, who conned almost $400,000 out of two women,was sentenced to 10 years in prison. The women probably won’t get their money back, but at least he’s off the streets for awhile.

Read ‘Sweetheart Swindler’ sentenced to 10 years in prison in Florida, on

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Ox Drover

You know we hear about so many women and men too who are swindled out of hundreds of thousands of dollars, in some cases their last cent and while there might be a judgment against them, there isn’t any jail time….like in Donna Andersen’s case, but this is gratifying to see the creek go to PRISON…..for at least a few years. Good job Florida! Justice for these women! Glad to see it!


Donna, this is a slightly older post, but a good end to bad rubbish.

To trust in the Legal System to deliver what is “just” is a foolish pursuit in both Civil and Criminal cases. This includes Civil Divorce.

I spent the better part of the day waiting, yesterday, to learn the recommendations of a divorce panel. I am at a loss to describe my reaction at the “equitable” list that they came up with. Despite the voluminous financial documentation, I was treated as if I were a gnat and flicked off of someone’s arm. The exspath will pay me (almost literally) nothing. That is to say that I have the “option” of further negotiations, or a trial. A divorce trial is very, very expensive, and this is what his attorney is pushing for: FORCE the bitch to either accept the worst possible outcome, or sell a kidney to pay for a trial.

I’m not going to go into details about the “recommendations,” as this matter isn’t settled, yet. But, the point that I want to make is that the exspath had this whole exit neatly, cleanly, and CLEARLY planned, for at least 3 years. The only truthful thing that ever came out of his foul mouth was, “I’m a patient man.” Indeed, he is patient enough to plan and execute the most dreadful frauds and walk away without facing a single consequence or penalty.

I wish for readers who happen onto this site because they are feeling doubt and/or suspicion to process this one fact: there is no legal remedy for the greater majority of spath crimes and sins against their victims. There just isn’t.

Having said that, it behooves all empathetic, caring, and trusting human beings to heed this warning: if you have ANY reason or doubt about your partner, FOLLOW IT UP!!! “Cognitive Dissonance” is a recognized psychological reaction that is an attempt for an empathetic, caring, and trusting human being to rationalize the actions of someone that they care about. It is a desperate attempt to fit “Red Flag” behaviors into our system of beliefs. Once cog/diss kicks in, denial and enabling are sure to follow. Even “unintentional” enabling.

I did not want to believe that the exspath was anything more than what he presented himself to be, so I explained away any and all things about his behaviors that made me uncomfortable. Of course, there were many “Red Flags,” in retrospect. But, retrospect is of no use, now, and could possibly fuel self-blame for his own choices and actions.

As a result of my own cognitive dissonance, I was relieved of an enormous sum of money (all that I had) without any legal prospect of literally getting a dime of it back, and the emotional toll is unspeakable.

If, for ANY reason, there is something about a partner or potential partner that is causing doubt or concern, LOOK INTO IT and do not – DO NOT – accept the partner’s “assurances” or “promises” that you are “imagining things,” or that you’re “blowing things out of proportion,” especially, when it comes to money. Do not allow the FEAR to creep in and suggest that there are too many years of emotional investment, too many financial obiligations, too many “things” that would have to be divided, etc., etc., etc. This FEAR is far, far easier to put aside than the actual altenative.

Become a detective. Put aside “feelings” that might prevent personal investigation, and look into these nagging doubts and concerns. I assure everyone who reads this that the fear of what might be discovered is absolutely managable. The aftermath of complete financial ruin is not. It would have been far, far better had I not made excuses for the exspaths glib explanations and responses, long ago. I would have been hurt, saddened, and the whole lot, but I would have had options and a means to start over. Instead, I’ll be crawling away from this deplorable situation on my belly, destitute, desperate, and never to recover what the exspath took from me.

If there is anything “good” that comes out of my personal experiences, I hope that it is forewarning and REASON to put aside what someone “wishes” to be true in lieu of taking firm, decisive action to prevent the same outcome that is apparently going to happen with me. If ONE person is able to avoid this, I will be relieved.

Brightest blessings


And, to clarify “doubt,” and “suspicion,” I would like to throw this across the entire spectrum of relationships. Friends, family, lovers, partners, business associates, coworkers, religious leaders, ANYONE that gives us a feeling of doubt or “too good to be true” feeling needs to be held at arm’s length and thoroughly examined before we commit our trust to them.

Trust is to be earned, and hard-earned. And, that goes for every intra-personal relationship, not just romantic involvements. This goes for men and women, alike. One is no more less likely to be spath than the other, although female spaths are typically more seductive and have differing tools than do male spaths.


I’m sorry Truthspeak, you had such negative news yesterday. It’s infuriating what they get away with.


I quite literally almost vomited when I was read this list of recommendations – literally. Even now, I’m in such a state of horror that I can’t eat, I’m physically sick to my stomach, and in absolute despair. I have been alternately crying and just wanting to roll over and give up. What was the point of providing this voluminous documentation? I feel that I will never, ever get through this with anything more than a tin cup and a sidewalk to panhandle on.


I’m so very sorry, Truthspeak. You feel invalidated and as if the spath has been rewarded. That’s a serious blow, not to mention the financial consequences. ((((((((((((((((Truthspeak)))))))))))))))))


Darwinsmom, thank you. I cannot describe precisely how I feel, right now. “Invalidated?” Absolutely. But, I feel more as a shell without any substance. The spath has been rewarded, and is living very comfortably without a single care in the world. I am making decisions about whether to purchase food or chemotherapy. And, so it goes.


you are recovering from cancer? I didn’t know that.


Darwinsmom, I have an auto-immune disorder that is routinely treated with chemotherapy.

Edit: I’m not in horrible phyiscal shape, right now. I’m just a complete emotional wreck. I’m waiting to get angry so that I can use that energy to some productivity. (very weak grin)



I’m sorry for what you are going through. Everything that you’ve written about (meaning financial losses), I’ve walked through. I couldn’t believe that I was married to such a dishonest person, taking too much time to “digest” the truth (about him). Be easy, gentle with yourself. Like you, if I had known what I would experience in the future, I would have made better choices in my past. Peace to you this day.

Also, believe that abundance will come. Stay hopeful.


Ox Drover

Dear Truthy, I am so sorry to hear that you had such a pith poor outcome yesterday…maybe today’s New article will help you…and I hope that you can get angry today and get some energy.

There is not always “justice” in this world, that is for sure. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that you get to feeling better in the future! ((((hugs))))

still reeling

Truth, I am disgusted and devastated for you.
Terribly sorry and my heart hurts for this travesy foisted upon someone as incredibly intelligent and caring as you.
You did say,
“I’m not going to go into details about the “recommendations,” as this matter isn’t settled, yet”
I’m not sure if that holds some hope for you, but once you get your sealegs back, I know you’ll do everything possible to get what is rightfully yours. “Patient man” my ass. Aren’t they all?
You are strong, you are smart, you are no quitter.
You have every right to feel like crap today.
Tomorrow, you will start to pick up the pieces and find ways to fight this – not sure if you have a Woman’s Commission or another similar org in your area that will provide legal counsel pro bono, for starters.
You’re prob exhausted many resources but there are others.
Use every resource you’ve ever thought about or heard of. There is help and the greatest source of power is within you.

** Please feed yourself as you feed others right here and I’m sure in “real” life as well.**

Let me say back to you, Brightest Blessings, Truthspeak.
I love that signoff and each time I see it, I always wish it right back to you.

Sending lots of love, hope and positive energy your way.


I want to thank everyone for their words of strength, encouragement, and support.

OxD, I did read today’s article, and I am encouraged.

Bluejay, the past cannot be altered, but I can certainly learn from it. Getting past the shock and injustice is going to take some effort.

StillReeling, I appreciate the suggestion of looking at all possibilities and alternative resources.

I am not a quitter, and just because I may feel like rolling over and giving up doesn’t mean that it’s a lasting belief that I should. I know better, academically. And, I know in my soul that there is a reason for all of this – I may never understand the ins and outs of why these events occurred.

My job, today, is to move forward in whatever way I can manage. If I have to limp, crawl, grope, and scratch, I’m going to get out of this mess.

The best thing that would result would be for one person – ONE person – to read my experiences, have an “ah-hah” moment, and get the fark OUT before they find themselves relieved of even the blankets on their beds.

I’ll be fine, in due time.

Brightest and most sincere blessings of healing and gratitude



You are one courageous lady. I admire you.


Strongawoman, hugs back at you. Thank you. I don’t feel particularly courageous, at all. Just farking resolved.

Pfffffftttt…….it is what it is.

Brightest blessings


Shaking head here……

And a particular anglo saxon four letter expletive warrants use I think.

Ps, It takes courage to drag yourself outa bed after news like that. 🙂


I have typed several paragraphs to you and deleted them. Work at making the most of every moment. That’s what I do, that’s what ‘they’ cant do. Sending you a cyber moonbeam, catch it and hang on.

still reeling

Truth, hope you are ok today.
Totally agree with Strong..your strength truly is admirable and a bunch of other positives including your intelligence, which along with your “farking resolve!” *will* bring you back into the light of creative, informed thinking.
You do have what you need to find what you need. And any non-path would feel what you are feeling right now..operative word being “feel”. There are times I wish I didn’t but generally speaking, feeling is a definite plus.


Hens, you know, I’m sitting in front of this computer screen and reading words of support and encouragement from people that I cannot see, touch, or hear, and it is more powerful and appreciated than I can describe. And, all of a sudden, I’m just in tears. I don’t think that they’re “bad tears,” but a sort of release and sense of gratitude for this incredible and indescribable support.

StillReeling, I’m “okay” in the sense that I’m farking determined and resolved. I’ll truly be fine, in due time. I don’t “feel” particularly strong or anything else, right now. But, Hen’s moonbeam and all of the support and encouragement that I’m reading and allowing to sink in are my inspirational personal floatation devices.

I’m hanging on, and hanging in. And, words that my mother once told me are coming back to bolster me. She once told me that she could envision me as a frontier woman fighting, alone, against all odds to care and protect myself and my children. She actually described this visual to me, and I always thought that it was some bogus flattery. Maybe, I am that person, but the ferocity to survive just hasn’t kicked in, yet.

Brightest blessings and my most humble and deepest gratitude to Donna for building this site, and for each survivor supporting one another through the most challenging times. Brightest, brightest blessings

still reeling

Truth, I agree with your mom. And I see where, in part, you get your insightful and once again, courageous, nature. It’s real and it’s in you. You are a brilliant writer.
But you prob know that. Such a plus in today’s job mkt and also for making money on the side. I have little to no knowledge what anyone does on this site, so would not be surprised if you have made money writing.
At any rate, keep mom’s words in mind….she was no dummy.

Agreed about the site. Without stumbling upon this, even though I realized through Socio World and other sites what I had been dealing with, I would be so lost and lonely. I have a long way to go, but like you, it isn’t so much the it itself, more the effects of the nightmare that can go all the way from totally devastation to just feeling low. I know you are at the height of this continuum right now and for good reason.

Hang tite and know once again, you do have what you need to blow through this one. Stronger for it.
Enormous positive energy to you.

Ox Drover


The sumer of 2007 I called the “summer of chaos” and I was living in my camper trailer parked on a friend’s land, with no one for support except my wonderful adopted son D….and had to flee my home because the psychopathic convict my convict son had sent to infiltrate our family (I called him the Trojan Horse Psychopath) was living with my egg donor as her “live in caregiver” and though I knew he was a pedophile and had spent 20+ years in prison for raping 3 kids, no one except the sheriff would believe me. Even my minister and church and extended family had turned their backs on me….and I felt very much as you do, that I had nothing left. I sat at the computer reading and posting on LoveFraud and crying so much it is a wonder my computer didn’t short out from the tears hitting the key board.

I cried and cried and cried some more….eventually I got some form of justice and validation when the Trojan Horse was arrested along with my daughter-in-law that he was having an affair with for trying to kill my other son C….but that validation didn’t last long as my egg donor went back to lying and covering up that she was sending money to my son Patrick in prison and supporting him, even though it was proven he had arranged the whole deal….

So, things may get pretty bad, then a bit better and then back to bad again, but just keep on reading and crying and cleansing your heart and soul.

The stress does make you sick and plays hell with your immune system, that has been proven over and over by medical science so that is no stretch to realize that. I am only now back to a reasonable state of health because of the stress that was continual for years.

Whatever you can do to DECREASe the stress level is important. I started by realizing that I had rights, and that I could set boundaries for how I iallowed others to treat me. It meant that I had to cut relationships with several people who were in my life for a long time, even eventually my “best friend” for over 30 years, and one of my sons, but I realized that these people were like parasites in one form or another, that they brought stress into my life in one form or another and I DID NOT NEED THAT STRESS. I did not treat them that way and I did not need them to treat me that way and if they insisted on bringing stress, drama, and dysfunction into my life, then I did not need them in my life.

I don’t have a “lot” of friends left but those I have are ones that are good to me, not dysfunctional in any way. They make my life better not worse. They treat me with love and respect not hateful in any way. That’s what is important to me.

So take care of yourself and do whatever you have to do to decrease the stress in your life.

I know right now you are living in a stressful environment and if you can change that I suggest that you do whatever you have to do to change that. Living in a “war zone” or one in which you have to cow-tow to someone else every day will wear you out like a roll of sand paper. Believe me on that, I know from experience. (((hugs)))


OxD, thank you for the encouragement and support. I cannot, in my wildest nightmares, imagine the hell that you fought through.

There’s no guarantee in life that things will run smoothly, much less work out “fairly.” I just have a load of work to do and I’m so tired of this whole situation. I just want to start over. But, I can’t even do thar, yet.

So…..I have to simply sort this out and get to the other side. I won’t entertain the alternatives.


it seems to me that the book of Job has the best take on this.
It doesn’t necessarily make it any easier, it just helps to make sense of it.

The world is unfolding as it should, but we’re too small to see it.


Skylar, this is what I’m aspiring to: to be able to just accept what happens, and move on with some semblance of dignity.

I’m just a wee, tiny part of this vast Universe, and the Earth is still going to spin on her axis whether the settlement is more reasonable, or not. Somehow, I have to sort out my place in this whole scheme of things, and chalk this nasty, nasty experience to some better good.

I may be beaten down, but I’m not dead, yet. And, this survivor isn’t going to go down easily, or quietly. I AM going to recover, make my way, and find peace and a desperately desired spiritual path. I just want all of this, yesterday.

Brightest blessings


So sorry Truthspeak. I really do like your screen name. Please read Proverbs from the Bible. It was written thousands of years ago by King Solomon. It is truly a book of never changing wisdom. I am sure it can help you feel comforted as you deal with this hard lesson in your life. We often think more of others than they deserve.


I like that word: SWINDLE. It is the perfect word for what my x!husband does to people. He swindled me. He swindles them. He’s the flim flam man. Handsome, charming, spinning a yarn. “ME? With MY honest face?!” he loves to say.

I feel for your heartache. In those days when I didn’t care if I died but wasn’t going to let HIM kill me, it NEVER occurred to me that recovery was possible. A kind woman TOLD me I’d get better and I argued with her that the damage was permanent. SOME stuff is permanent, but, after much time and much inner work…. there has been enough change that I can find my way to happiness and contentment.

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