By Laura Rubiales, ND, LAc
If you find yourself drained and tired after an experience or relationship with a social predator, these are my suggestions: Cut all ties with them and those with whom you will get the social predator’s garbage. Try to reach some kind of emotional neutrality about the situation so you are not giving them your mental and emotional energy anymore. A skilled therapist can be invaluable in this process.
By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, CHT
For several years I have been working with people in abusive relationships, that includes partners of those with Cluster B personality disorders and co-morbid traits of psychopathy — those we call narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, exploiters.
There is one complaint I hear most often and continually: “I can’t find a therapist who gets these relationships,” or “The therapist we went to sided with my partner in blaming me and I feel traumatized all over again.”
Yes, you can avoid letting a sociopath into your life. All you have to do is listen to your intuition.
Security expert Gavin deBecker, who wrote The Gift of Fear, explains that intuition evolved within us over the millennia for one reason: To protect us from predators. Sociopaths are predators, and our intuition will warn us about them.
The key is to pay attention.
Sometimes the warning is blatant — one woman told me about feeling instantly terrified when a man approached her. But instead of heeding her internal warning, she berated herself for being judgmental — after all, the man had done nothing to her. She talked to him; they became romantically involved; he was, in fact, a sociopath; it ended in disaster.
Experience the support of people who know! Join our free support group Sunday, November 18, 2018 at 5 pm EST. Go www.destructiverelationshipshelp.com and use the Contact Form at the bottom of the home page to state your interest in joining. Do this every time even if you have joined us before! We will reply to you with instructions to join the conference call. It is anonymous and no personal information is displayed or shared.
Share your struggles, questions, get feedback and clarity from people who get it! Hope to meet you there!
Life gets everybody down now and then. Sometimes, we get hit with truly traumatizing experiences such as dating a sociopath. Sociopaths can cause a massive decrease in self-esteem, self-confidence, trust, happiness, and just ruin your life in general. Sometimes, when you get stuck in a hole of sadness due to this terrible person, it’s hard to climb back out again. If you focus on your sadness, it gets bigger, more overwhelming, and harder to chase away.
But you don’t have to resign yourself to feeling down. Whether you’re sad about something that’s happened in your life or you’re just in a funk, it’s possible to feel better. Here are five things you can do to lift yourself up and renew your optimism when you’re sad.
The sociopath devastated your life, and you feel like it’s all your fault. In this webinar you learn that through understanding and gentle self-forgiveness, you can put down the burden of guilt and find peace.
Travis Vining, the instructor, teaches from his heart — and from experience. His father was a serial killer who pressured Travis to help cover up his crimes. Talk about guilt! It was so traumatic that Travis repressed the memories for years.
Finally, in a reflective and spiritual way, Travis found peace. In this webinar, he shares his approach with you. Click for more information:
Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call Andrew18.
My ex wife was emotionally abusive throughout marriage. She had female “friends” throughout marriage of 21 yrs. Every weekend she went out with them and left me to watch kids. Played mind games of saying I should discipline kids but when I did she would overrule it and let kids off every time. She loved humiliating me in front of others by saying how she almost left me after our first born because she didn’t need me but decided to stay for our child. Love was a carrot to dangle in front of me. Be a better husband and maybe she would not be mean to me. She regularly would slap my arm or leg if she didn’t like something I said or did.
So today I open up the newspaper and see that a local therapist, Diane Sylvia, 58, attempted to hire a hit man. She wanted a guy’s “pretty little face” bashed in. She also wanted his arm broken, so he could no longer work out.
Diane Sylvia is a licensed clinical social worker practicing in Somers Point, New Jersey. According to her title, she is also a certified domestic violence counselor.
One of Sylvia’s clients had belonged to a criminal gang. She asked him if he knew anyone who could do the job. The client notified the authorities, who then wanted him to introduce Sylvia to a hit man — except that it was really an undercover FBI agent.
Suppose you realize that you’re in an unhealthy romantic relationship. Or, your instincts are telling you that the person in hot pursuit of you is bad news. How do you end the involvement?
When you’re romantically involved with reasonably normal individuals, you usually try to spare their feelings. You don’t come out and say that they’re boring, or needy, or oafish, even if that’s what you feel. You make up excuses. You tell them that you’re getting back with an old boyfriend or girlfriend, even if that’s a lie. You say you’re just not ready for a relationship right now, even if that’s also a lie.
Lauren McCluskey (University of Utah)
The story of University of Utah track athlete Lauren McCluskey, 21, is a tragedy from beginning to end.
She started dating Melvin S. Rowland in September. A month later, she found out who he really was — a 37-year old sex offender who had recently been paroled. When Lauren broke off their relationship, Rowland stalked her. Then, on October 22, he shot and killed her, leaving her body in a car on campus. He fled and later killed himself.
Here’s a timeline of the events in the extortion and shooting death of University of Utah student Lauren McCluskey, on SLTrib.com
Donna Andersen is author of three books, including Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath, and is program administrator for Lovefraud Continuing Education.
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