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Donna Andersen

10 Facts to help you explain your experience with a sociopath

The biggest reason why we get tangled up with sociopaths is because we don’t know they exist. We don’t know they live among us, so we don’t watch out for them, so we get in trouble.

Then, when we try to tell our friends and families what happened, they have no idea what we’re talking about — because they don’t know sociopaths exist either. So on top of the devastation we endure from the sociopath, when we turn to others for support, we are not understood or even believed.

If you’re trying to explain your experience with a sociopath, here are some facts to help you put your story in context:

5 tips for dealing with a sociopath

Lovefraud’s standard advice for interacting with a sociopath is not to interact at all, to implement a strict policy of No Contact. Unfortunately, this isn’t always possible.

Perhaps you share children with a sociopathic ex-partner. Or perhaps you have a disordered boss or co-worker, and aren’t yet able to find new employment. Or perhaps some member of your family is disordered. If you have no choice but to interact with a problem person, here are some tips that may help you.

  1. Do not react emotionally.

Sociopaths will often do or say unpleasant things just to provoke a reaction out of you. Do not take the bait.

Attracting better partners by releasing unhealthy beliefs

Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we’ll call “Emilie”:

I won’t go into the long, boring details of my 7+ year relationship with the sociopath that invaded my life. It’s the same basic story as always and plus, I think there’s some kind of email size limit. 🙂

Ever since I ended the engagement over 3 years ago, and finally terminated the relationship itself another year after, I’ve made comments (in a lighthearted, self deprecating fashion) that, “if you’re going to treat me like crap, then I’m the girl for you!” Yes, it gets chuckles from the people I’m around, but sadly it’s true.

Trust after betrayal by the sociopath

For everyone here at Lovefraud, there came a time when we could no longer continue in denial. We were forced to admit that someone we trusted had betrayed us. We felt devastation, anger, humiliation, grief and every other negative emotion on a therapy checklist.

We also berated ourselves for our naiveté, kicked ourselves for our gullibility, and castigated ourselves for trusting someone who shouldn’t have been trusted. Overwhelmed by pain, we may have vowed that we would never trust again.

Hold on. As human beings, we need to trust. Human society is built on trust. The key is to determine who is trustworthy, and who is not.

10 typical emotional abuse tactics that the experts don’t even measure

No wonder mental health professionals don’t seem to understand emotional abuse. In trying to conduct research about it, they don’t even have a comprehensive list of typical emotionally abusive behaviors.

Here are 10 behaviors that Lovefraud readers experience, time and time again, from their sociopathic partners. How many have you seen?

  1. You’re blamed for everything; it’s all your fault.
  2. Your partner flirts with others and cheats on you.
  3. Your partner disappears — you have no idea where he or she is, and when, or if, he or she will return.
  4. Your partner does or says something incredibly hurtful — and then acts like nothing happened.

FREE 10-day Emotional Abuse Recovery and Resilience Summit!

If you’re involved with a sociopath, you are most likely enduring emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse can include verbal assault, dominance, control, isolation, ridicule, and much more. It targets your emotional and psychological well-being, and can be just as damaging as physical abuse. If you’re enduring emotional abuse, or trying to recover from it, this summit is for you.

The Emotional Abuse Recovery and Resilience Summit includes over 45 expert speakers who provide in-depth, real-world information on how to identify and get out of abusive situations. This is a FREE online 10-day video series, although you have the option to purchase the series so you can refer to it whenever you need reassurance or advice.

Sociopaths as chameleons — they become whatever they need to be for their latest scam

James Montgomery at a business meeting.

James Montgomery at a business meeting.

My sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, considered himself to be an entrepreneur, the equal of any man who ever built a commercial empire. As he was seducing me, painting a glimmering picture of how successful and rich we would become, he proclaimed that he would be “the next Walt Disney.”

When Montgomery went to business meetings, he wore a jacket, trousers, and a polo shirt. He refused to wear ties, but he always had a silk square in his jacket pocket. He told me that even when he was young, he always dressed up in jackets and cravats, eschewing the psychedelic fashions of the 60s. (For more about my story, it’s all in my book, Love Fraud.)

Sociopaths leave us totally disoriented — here’s why

Pensive woman

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Most of us grow up believing that all people are created equal, that human beings are basically good, and everybody wants to be loved. These are the messages we learn in school, in church, and in the age of political correctness, from the media.

These beliefs are the lenses through which we view the world and the people in it. Our beliefs influence how we perceive and understand the behavior of those we meet. And, for 84 percent of the population, the beliefs work just fine.

Bad treatment

Emotional and psychological abuse, described by 12 Lovefraud readers

What does emotional and psychological abuse look like? Here are a dozen examples provided by respondents to the Lovefraud Senior Sociopath Survey:

1 . Any arguments that happened as a result of me bringing up something he had done or said were always flipped to be my fault and I would end up crying and apologising and he would withhold affection.

2 . He would tell me that I was perfect and then if he didn’t like my behavior he would say I needed to change

My cousin and the Pennsylvania pedophile priests

Family photo from Easter Sunday in the early 1960s. Back row, from left: My uncle, Dennis Daly; Terry Smith’s father, Tom Smith; my father, Allan Andersen; my uncle, Bob Meandro; my uncle, Joseph Fitzgerald. Front row, from left: My cousin, Jeff Smith; my bother, Doug Andersen; my cousin with guitar, Terry Smith; my cousin, Kevin Smith.

Hundreds of Roman Catholic priests sexually abused thousands of children over multiple decades, according to a grand jury report released by Pennsylvania Attorney General Office on August 14.

One of those children may have been my cousin, Terry Smith.

Posted in: Donna Andersen

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