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Donna Andersen

Dr. James Kauffman: military fraud and drug dealer, hired a hit man to murder his wife

A few weeks ago, ABC 20/20 broadcast a show about the murder of April Kauffman in 2012. Last year, her husband, Dr. James Kauffman, was charged with hiring a hit man to shoot her in their home. In January, James Kauffman hanged himself while in prison awaiting trial.

The crime took place in Linwood, New Jersey, which is practically in my back yard, so I’ve been reading the news coverage for years. I began to suspect that the good doctor was a psychopath early on — when he remarried shortly after his wife’s death and tried to collect on her insurance policy.

5 Reasons why the sociopath’s behavior in your relationship makes no sense

Shock. Confusion. Disbelief. These are common experiences when you’re romantically involved with a sociopath.

You ask yourself, or your friends, or your therapist, questions like:

  • “How can he be talking about getting married one day and ghost me the next?”
  • “How can she be so mean and cruel and then act like nothing ever happened?”
  • “How can he tell me that he loves me while he’s cheating with someone else?”

Sociopathic behaviors are so confusing because your expectations about what a romantic relationship is, and how people who are supposed to be in love treat each other, are totally different from those of the sociopath.

How to overcome your addiction to sociopaths

Photo by Merelize at FreeRange Stock Photos.

Lovefraud received the following email from a woman whom we’ll call “Peggy Sue.”

I feel hopeless. I’m a target for sociopaths, or I’m addicted to them. My ex-fiancé was one. I was with him 7 years and was abused every way possible. I was so confused with the lies and double life. He said I was crazy and I went on tons of medication and was completely isolated.

I finally was able to leave after 7 years with the help of police, only to move back to my dads with nothing and to start all over. A month later fell in love with another sociopath. My friends and family think I’m gonna end up dead by him or killing myself.

Letter to Lovefraud: I’m looking on POF, but I’m scared to move forward

A Lovefraud reader found this ad on POF.

Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who gives her pseudonym as “Erica.”

I’ve been in love with a sociopath for 5 and a half years. He lives in Portland and I live here in Vegas so that has been a great thing, however he still haunts me and I’m trying to move on so I’m enclosing a profile from an online dating site and I’d like to get your opinion of the things that he says. I’m scared to move forward because I’m scared that I’ll attract another one. I seem to be surrounded by narcissism and sociopathy and I’m tired and I’m scared and I lack trust to move forward. Donna please share my email on lovefraud.com so that I can get some feedback from other members.

Annapolis shooter Jarrod Ramos—something’s wrong, but he may not be a sociopath

Jarrod W. Ramos (Anne Arundel Police)

On Thursday, Jarrod W. Ramos, 38, burst into the offices of the Capital Gazette newspaper in Annapolis, Maryland and shot five employees dead.

This tragic situation began as a stalking case. Here are the details: In 2009, Ramos found a former high school classmate on Facebook. The woman didn’t remember Ramos, but Googled him, discovered they were, in fact, classmates, and she was cordial to him. Ramos escalated, began stalking her, and the woman finally pressed charges. Ramos pleaded guilty to criminal harassment and received 90-day suspended sentence and 18 months of probation.

10 translations of what sociopaths mean by ‘I love you’

Authentic affection or a sociopath?Most sociopaths are really good at proclaiming their love. They often say the words “I love you” so quickly that it surprises us how can they already feel that way? We just met!

When we question them, they respond, “You’re the one I’ve been waiting for all my life,” or, “I just know that we’re perfect for each other,” or something equally endearing.

We want to believe them, so we do. They keep pouring it on, until we fall in love with them. The big problem, however, is that our love is real and theirs is fake.

Quora: What’s it like for a sociopath to meet another sociopath?

The following question was posed on Quora: “What’s it like for a sociopath to meet another sociopath?”

The woman who asked the question included commentary about sociopaths, some of which I disagree with. For example, she said, “Sometimes you see even the most terrifying sociopaths get out of prison and go on to have their own children who they do not mistreat, and actually like.” Actually, sociopaths are incapable of loving anyone, including their children, so even if they don’t beat their kids, they’ll probably inflict psychological and emotional abuse.

Explaining love addiction with a sociopath

According to Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, romantic love is an addiction. The drive to find a romantic partner is buried deep in the brain, and biologically intertwined with the brain’s reward system, which is linked to wanting, motivation, focus and craving. To hear Dr. Fisher explain this, watch the video.

Dr. Fisher points out that when you love someone and are rejected, the addiction is worse. Not only do you continue to feel the intense romantic love, but you love your beau even more. Your love becomes an obsession. It turns out that the brain system associated with rewards becomes even more active when you can’t get what you want.

The Sociopath Channel: Investigation Discovery

If you want to know how sociopaths behave, just watch any TV show on the Investigation Discovery channel. All the stories are true. They’re all about sociopaths. All the stories will enlighten you about disordered behavior — if you know what to look for.

In fact, I found a page on the ID website with helpful information: 5 Signs you share your home with a psychopath. The descriptions are reasonably accurate.

I often turn on ID while I’m cleaning the house. Because of the reality show format — narration, interviews and reenactments — I find that I can listen to the shows while I work, and still follow the whole story. Time and time again, I hear perfect descriptions of sociopaths seducing and then exploiting their targets.

After the sociopath, a man with borderline personality disorder

Photo by Alon

Editor’s Note: Lovefraud received the following email from reader Victimcindy. Donna Andersen  responds after the letter.

My first relationship, after my 18-year marriage to a sociopath, was to a borderline personality disordered (BPD) man. Do you find this common as the disordered traits are opposite in some areas?  We think we are getting something new and healthy.

Spath vs BPD: sex

My spath-ex withheld sex as power. The borderline was highly sexual. My spath-ex was charming, but lacked empathy and was emotionally unavailable. He also abused substances, was opportunistic with casual sex outside marriage and secretive.

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