Donna Andersen

Lovefraud is being upgraded

Big changes are coming! Lovefraud is undergoing a major upgrade. While it is underway, we will not be posting new stories, to protect the integrity of the database (it’s complicated).  You may continue to read all existing Lovefraud articles, but commenting on blog posts and forum articles will also be temporarily unavailable.

In the new website, information will be much more accessible, so the change will be worth the wait! Thank you for your patience.


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Posted in: Donna Andersen

Will emotional abuse become physical abuse?

emotional abuseIf you are targeted by a sociopath, you will endure emotional abuse.

Sociopaths — meaning people with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorders — live their lives by manipulating and exploiting others. So if you have any kind of extensive or ongoing involvement with a sociopath, you will be manipulated, deceived and betrayed. It’s just a matter of how badly.

Manipulation, deceit and betrayal are all forms of emotional abuse.

Why? Because society runs on trust, and sociopaths violate trust. When the trust you place in someone is violated, you suffer an emotional wound.

But will emotional abuse become physical abuse? The answer is, maybe.

What is emotional abuse?

There is no official, concise definition of … Read more

Posted in: Donna Andersen

Signs of a female sociopath: Outrageous lies and manipulative behavior

Most people who tell their stories on Lovefraud were targeted and abused by sociopathic men. It’s important to remember that women can also be sociopaths.

The signs of a female sociopath are pretty much the same as those for men. They lie, manipulate and exploit. They are self-centered and feel entitled to anything they want. They use other people without shame or guilt.

Here are some recent examples from the media:

Anna Sorokin, fake German heiress, on trial for scamming $275,000

Anna Sorokin, now 28, called herself Anna Delvey. She infiltrated New York City’s artsy-chic-cool social scene, telling all her new friends that she was a German heiress worth about $25 million. She had big plans to open … Read more

Sociopaths can sense deep emotional wounds in the human energy field

human energy fieldA Lovefraud reader sent me the following question:

I seem to only attract what I believe are sociopaths into my life even when I am not trying to find anyone. I feel as if they find me and try to befriend me. Is there some kind of an explanation for this?

This reader posts as “Sam.” I previously published her story as a “Letter to Lovefraud.” She has deep emotional wounds, and the explanation for her current experience is in her story. Please read it:

I have no further use to him and I am being disposed of

Sam’s story is absolutely tragic. Here is what happened to her:

  • She witnessed domestic violence from a very young age.
Read more
Posted in: Donna Andersen

People who can ruin your life, and how to deal with them

5 types of people who can ruin your lifeBOOK REVIEW: 5 Types of people who can ruin your life – Identifying and dealing with narcissists, sociopaths and other high-conflict personalities, by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.

Review by Donna Andersen

Yes, millions of people with serious personality disorders have the potential to ruin your life. 5 Types of people who can ruin your life, by Bill Eddy, is the first book I’ve seen that draws attention to the multiple personality disorders that spell trouble for interpersonal relationships.

Bill Eddy is a lawyer and social worker who leads the High Conflict Institute, an organization which educates people about high-conflict personalities and high-conflict disputes. His previous book, Splitting: Protecting yourself while divorcing someone with borderline or narcissistic personality Read more

Complex PTSD from relationships with sociopaths

Photo by Merelize at FreeRange Stock Photos.

You’re pretty sure that you’re involved with a sociopath, but you feel helpless to do anything about it. You’re afraid of conflict and you feel a sense of paralyzing shame and loneliness.

You berate yourself for not being able to make a decision and get out. But your issue may not be a character flaw — indecision, helplessness and shame are all symptoms of complex PTSD (C-PTSD).

According to Dr. Karin Huffer, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a psychiatric injury caused by feeling helpless while in jeopardy. It is generally associated with a single traumatic episode, such a car crash, earthquake or sexual assault, or with combat and the atrocities … Read more

What do narcissists want?

narcissistAt first, narcissists are charming and attentive, but eventually they turn cold and cruel. Many people are totally baffled by the behavior, and come to suspect they’re dealing with a narcissist. They turn to the Internet and ask variations of the question, what do narcissists want?

Here are 20 of those questions — with the answers.

1 . What do narcissists want?

Narcissists want what is called “narcissistic supply.” In her Lovefraud webinar called, Understanding and Recognizing Narcissistic Abuse, Tiffany Kettermann, LPC, CADCI, explains that narcissistic supply is, “Anything or anyone that feeds the narcissistic person’s ego and keeps the person artificially pumped up, protecting their fragile view of themselves.” This could include fame, admiration, compliments, good Read more

‘Love Fraud’ – FREE online book discussion March 13

Love Fraud bookMy first book, Love Fraud – How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, tells two parallel stories—the outrageous tale of my involvement with the sociopath James Montgomery, my spiritual journey to understand why it happened, and how it helped me return to wholeness.

I will host a FREE online book discussion, via videoconference, on March 13, 2019, at 8 p.m. ET. Please join me — if you read the book recently, long ago or even if you haven’t quite finished it. (You can choose to participate anonymously if you want.) Discussion questions are below. Register here:

Lovefraud Video Conference Book Discussion

 About the book:

What is it really like to be hooked by a sociopath? And … Read more

Can a relationship with a sociopath work?

You’ve met someone who is charming, charismatic, fun, attentive and, oh yeah, sexy. Your relationship is the most exciting you’ve ever experienced — at first.

Then you see some red flags, and your relationship isn’t as pleasant as it once was. After a few nasty incidents, you Google words like “pathological lying,” and see descriptions that sound like your partner. You suspect your partner may be a sociopath.

The good times are, or were, really good. You don’t want to throw it all away. So you wonder — can a relationship with a sociopath work?

The answer depends on what you mean by “work.”

You cannot have a supportive, sharing relationship with a sociopath

If by “work” you … Read more

Narcissistic manipulation: Patrick Frazee wanted his girlfriend to commit murder

Patrick Frazee, left, is charged with murdering Kelsey Berreth, the mother of his child.

Here’s one of the worst cases of narcissistic manipulation I’ve ever seen:

Three times, Patrick Frazee, 32, of Florissant, Colorado, tried to convince his girlfriend to murder his fiancée. When the girlfriend couldn’t do it, Frazee allegedly beat Kelsey Berreth, the mother of his child, to death with a baseball bat. Then he called his girlfriend, Krystal Lee Kenney of Idaho, to clean up the mess.

Frazee and Kenney began an intimate relationship in early 2018 — and Frazee probably began his narcissistic manipulation right away. Eventually, Kenney was “under his spell,” as former FBI profiler Pete Klismet said in an interview with KRDO … Read more

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