Donna Andersen

What sociopaths want from sex

Image courtesy of alexisdc at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Many, many people who were romantically involved with sociopaths have told me that the sex was amazing. Earth-moving. The best they ever had. At least, that’s how it was in the beginning, while the sociopath was still reeling them in.

The targets thought this amazing sex was proof of the real connection between themselves and the sociopath, proof that the two of them were wildly, deeply in love.

The truth is that sociopaths are incapable of love. Oh, they’re capable of feeling attraction. And they’re capable of proclaiming love, very convincingly (especially when they’re looking for sex). But they are not capable of genuine concern for another person’s welfare, which is a key component of real love.

One trait or behavior does not make a sociopath – look for a pattern of traits and behaviors

sexy man and womanI once heard from a man, whom we’ll call “Jeff,” who wanted to know if the woman he was involved with, “Amanda,” was a sociopath.

It started as a friendly involvement, with Jeff trying to help Amanda out. Amanda, who was from a foreign country, called Jeff her “best friend.” Jeff eventually started to have feelings for her. But then came a series of unsettling experiences:

  • Amanda made pornographic videos, which were posted on the Internet.
  • Amanda worked as an escort. Jeff offered to pay her rent, so she wouldn’t have to be an escort, and Amanda agreed—and continued being an escort anyway.

Now, your Personal Recovery Package with Donna Andersen, author of Lovefraud.com

Everything you need to comprehend sociopaths in general, and your situation in particular

Your head is spinning. You suspect, or perhaps even know, that your partner has a serious personality disorder. What do you do?

First, you need to understand what you’re dealing with. This collection of books and on-demand webinars by Donna Andersen thoroughly explains how people with antisocial, narcissistic or borderline personality disorder, or psychopathy, behave in romantic relationships.

Then, you want to talk to someone who truly “gets it.” Donna Andersen knows the games sociopaths play. She can help you sort through the confusion and offer offer practical suggestions on how to move forward.

Sociopaths and sexually explicit photos


My sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, had a collection of photos of naked women. The photos were not of me.

I discovered the photos one day while he wasn’t home and I was looking for a phone number. I opened his desk drawer, and there they were — no faces, just pictures of certain body parts.

Stunned, I threw the photos in the trash. When Montgomery came home, I confronted him.

“I found your photos. Who are these women?” I demanded.

Montgomery was nonchalant. “They’re from my past. Nothing for you to worry about.”

“Why do you have them?” I demanded.

Dear Friend: Please do not take back your sociopathic partner

Photo by David Castillo Dominici

Editor’s note: This is the letter that everyone who has broken up with a sociopathic partner should receive. (It refers to the sociopath as “he,” but the sociopath can also be “she.”)

Dear Friend,

We’ve known each other for a long time. We’ve been there for each other through thick and thin. I care about you, even though I haven’t been able to spend much time with you recently — ever since he came into your life.

I heard that the two of you have broken up. I’m thrilled.

10 reasons why the fireworks of a romance with a sociopath are duds

In honor of July 4th, let’s talk about fireworks — the really dangerous kind. These are the fireworks that you feel exploding all around you early in your relationship with someone who later turns out to be a sociopath. Here’s what you see and experience, and what it really going on.


You see: Nonstop texts, emails and social media postings

Reality: You’re not the only one receiving them. The Internet and social media make it easy for sociopaths to work multiple targets at once, and they do.


You experience: Conversations that last for hours

Does he sound like a full-blown narcissist and/or sociopath? Or maybe some form of borderline personality disorder?

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we’ll call “bonnie2017.” Donna Andersen responds to her questions at the end of the letter. Names have been changed.

Following my most recent life-shattering break-up 4 weeks ago, I happened upon your website, lovefraud.com, and found it extremely helpful and insightful! I first wanted to thank you for all the invaluable information you provide. I also wanted to tell you my sad story about my almost-baby-daddy and get your feedback. Maybe it can help others too.

Sociopaths and double lives

Man with maskA reporter inquired about people who live double lives. Why do they do it? Can they maintain double lives for a long time? What are the dangers?

Like most of us at Lovefraud, I have some experience with this. My ex-husband, James Montgomery, cheated with at least six different women during our 2.5-year marriage. He had a child with one of the women. Ten days after I left him, he married the mother of the child, which was the second time he committed bigamy. And of course, he took a quarter-million dollars from me—spending much of the money entertaining these other women.

Raw power and control — the core of what sociopaths want

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we’ll call “Maisie.”

Here is my story. I would be grateful for any thoughts as I’m still trying to make sense of something I went through.

I was in the very best relationship for 25 years and then he died.

Afterwards I was utterly heartbroken and alone as a result I think of being still quite young in my circle of friends and them not being able to cope with the tragedy.

In the village where I lived a newcomer stopped me whilst I was walking to introduce himself. He would stop from time to time to talk to me.

Sociopaths keep the charade going as long as it suits their purpose

man in maskI was with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, for two and a half years. During this time, I knew he was costing me money, but he attributed his lack of business success to “being ahead of his time.” I eventually discovered that he was lying and cheating on me. But although I saw eruptions of anger, my ex was never abusive towards me—nothing like the abuse many of you have endured.

Some sociopaths can treat people reasonably well for an extended period of time, if it suits their purpose. For example, Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader:

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