Donna Andersen

After the sociopath, consumed by obsession

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The illusion is vaporized. One way or another, you have discovered that your partner, family member, friend or colleague is a sociopath. Maybe you unearthed one lie too many. Or maybe the mask slipped and the person unceremoniously dumped you. However it happened, you’ve learned that he or she has been lying to you all along.

And now you’re obsessed.

You want to know the truth. You want to know where the sociopath really was, who the sociopath was really with, what happened to the money. With your new awareness of his or her lying personality, you recall multiple incidents that left you scratching your head, and now look at them in an entirely different light, trying to figure out what was really going on.

Sociopathic deception: A plan or second nature?

Man with maskLovefraud received the following question from a reader:

When a sociopath targets his victim, does he think and create a plan as to HOW he is going to manipulate his prey to glean what he wants, or is this just second nature to him?  How can he spend MONTHS being such a kind, considerate person, going out of his way to do the “little” things that matter in life, before turning into the evil monster?

When you have been deceived and manipulated by a sociopath, the most difficult idea to grasp is how totally different people with this personality disorder are from the rest of us. Their behavior is different from everything we thought we knew about human interaction.

Posted in: Donna Andersen

How could such a wonderful young man turn into an evil sociopath?

Editors note: Here’s a letter Lovefraud received from a reader whom we’ll call “Charlotte18.” Donna Andersen’s response follows the letter.

About a year ago, my husband was arrested for kidnapping a couple of friends of ours. Since then, I have been discovering so many other nefarious things he was doing behind my back, such as stealing money for a living, having relations with other men, committing tax fraud, and the list goes on.

Posted in: Donna Andersen

To recover from the sociopath, and protect yourself from another one, work on relieving your emotional tension

Over the weekend Terry, my husband, and I watched The Zookeeper’s Wife, a movie is set in Warsaw, Poland, during World War II. It tells the true story of how after animals at the Warsaw Zoo were bombed and shot, the couple that ran the zoo used the property to hide Jews from the Nazis until they could be transported to safety. It’s a good movie, but as you can imagine, it is tense and emotional.

Red flags that a gold digger may have targeted your elderly parent or friend

boomers seniors onlineMany sociopaths (although not all of them) target romantic partners to swindle them out of money. Lovefraud’s research shows that most sociopaths continue their manipulative behavior as long as they live. That means senior sociopaths may target other seniors. They may proclaim their love, in order to access the victim’s money, home or pension.

Jean Mignolet, a private investigator in Florida, where lots of seniors live, recently posted an article about spotting the warning signs of a gold digger. Some are:

  1. Ambiguity — the con artist glosses over important information about temselves
  2. Significant age difference — especially they met online

Florida shooter Nikolas Cruz — psychopath, psychotic or traumatized?

Nikolas Cruz was charged with 17 counts of premeditated murder in the Parkland, Florida school shooting.

Another school shooting. Last week, Nikolas Cruz, 19, shot up his former school, Marjory Stoneman Douglas High in Parkland, Florida. He killed 17 people and wounded 14 more.

In the initial reporting about the incident, none of the students who knew Cruz were surprised. They feared him and mostly stayed away from him. The New York Times reported:

“A lot of people were saying that it would be him,” the student told WFOR-TV. “They would say he would be the one to shoot up the school. Everyone predicted it.”

Sociopaths, information and power — what you need to know

Image by Stuart Miles

I clearly remember the words of my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery: “Information is power.”

Sociopaths don’t really interact with others — they look for ways to exert power and control over the rest of us. Information, Montgomery understood very well, gave him the ability to manipulate, deceive and exploit me and others.

Let’s take a close look at how sociopaths acquire and use information at various stages of a romantic relationship.

Advance preparation

If you’re looking for romance online, you’ve probably heard about how to protect yourself when you meet an online date in person. But what’s more important is protecting yourself when you create your profile.

How disordered motivation explains psychopathic behavior

Socipathic eyesWhy do they do it? If you’ve ever tangled with a psychopath, you’ve certainly asked yourself that question. Why do psychopaths engage in harmful and destructive behavior?

Most psychopathy researchers explain the nasty behavior of these disordered individuals in terms of deficits. They say that because psychopaths lack empathy and impulse control, they engage in antisocial behavior.

To Lovefraud author Dr. Liane Leedom, this makes no sense — it implies that if it weren’t for empathy and impulse control, everybody would be a psychopath. Deficits don’t cause behavior, she says. Motivation causes behavior.

To Mom and Dad: 9 reasons why your son or daughter fell for the sociopath

Unhappy-couple-breaking-up sizedDear Parents of a Lovefraud Target,

Your son or daughter has now come to the brutal realization that the entire relationship was a scam.

Perhaps you’ve had your suspicions for a while. Perhaps you’ve even tried to tell your kid that the partner was no good, but he or she wouldn’t listen to you.

Now everything has collapsed, and you can’t understand why your son or daughter didn’t see it coming.

Please understand that sociopaths are professional con artists, and they are really, really good at what they do. In fact, they spend their entire lives perfecting their craft.

10 lessons from the mistakes we made with sociopaths

Many years ago, I attended a workshop presented by Patricia Sun, a pioneer of the self-awareness movement. One of the things she talked about was shifting our views about making mistakes.

We tend to fear making mistakes, and when we do make mistakes, we berate ourselves. But in reality, mistakes are a part of life. There are no instruction manuals for most of the choices we make. Life, therefore, is a series of decisions made mostly by trial and error. We never progress in a straight line towards out goals. We have false starts and detours, but with time and persistence, we get to where we want to go.

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