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Donna Andersen

After dating a sociopath, the advice you need for your recovery

The most telling sign that you’ve been dating a sociopath is confusion. This person claimed to love you, but after the initial whirlwind romance, treated you like dirt. Your partner would be absolutely brutal to you, and the next day, maybe even the next hour, act like nothing ever happened. He or she seemed to be proud of you, and then did nothing but criticize you.

You finally figured out that something was wrong — he or she was disordered — and you ended the involvement. And then you started to second-guess yourself — what if you made a mistake?

There are reasons why you feel so conflicted, and I’ve helped hundreds of people find validation and clarity … Read more

The answer: Why psychopaths do what they do

Arnold Schwarzenegger in "Terminator."

Arnold Schwarzenegger in “Terminator.”

Perhaps the biggest question asked by people who have been targeted by psychopaths is, “Why?”

1. Why did he work so hard to win me, proclaiming his love and promising a beautiful future together, and then suddenly dump me?

2. Why does she intentionally scare, upset, demean and embarrass her own children?

3. Why does he lie about stupid things, even when he’d be better off telling the truth?

4. Why doesn’t she care that she’s hurting me?

I’m sure you have your own list of “why?” questions.

We try to make sense of the psychopath’s unfathomable behavior. We look for explanations that we can understand: Perhaps he was abused or felt abandoned as … Read more

Cognitive dissonance: Vicky Cilliers can’t accept that her husband tried to kill her by tampering with her parachute

Victoria and Emile Cilliers.

Emile Cilliers, a British army sergeant, was convicted last week of attempting to kill his wife, Vicky.

The two were avid skydivers, and in April 2015, he tampered with her parachute before a jump. She fell 4,000 feet, but miraculously survived.

Earlier in the week, Emile Cilliers damaged gas fittings in their home. If the gas had exploded, it would have killed Vicky and their two children.

But even though the court found him guilty, Vicky Cilliers can’t believe her husband was capable of murder. Read this story:

‘I still can’t believe he tried to murder me’: Tearful wife of Lothario army sergeant refuses to accept his conviction for cutting her parachute, says she Read more

Sociopaths keep changing their demands, keeping you in turmoil

When you’re dealing with sociopaths, figuring out what they really want is nearly impossible. Why? Because they keep changing what they want.

When my ex-husband, James Montgomery, moved into my house, I agreed to convert my basement, which I used as a small gym, into an office for him. I put away my gym equipment. I hired builders to install more electric outlets to run his array of computers, televisions and business equipment, which required enclosing the lower part of the walls. Making the improvements, and installing a small bathroom downstairs, cost me $6,000. (He promised to pay me back, but of course he never did.

When Montgomery first moved into the office, he was delighted.

When we … Read more

Seduction and manipulation: Sophie and Donna Andersen tell their stories

When she was in high school, Sophie was seduced by her female teacher into a sexual relationship.

When she was 40, Donna Andersen, author of Lovefraud.com, was seduced by a sociopath who scammed her out of a quarter-million dollars — for starters.

Both women tell their stories on IndoctriNation is a new podcast by Rachel Bernstein. Rachel is a Los Angeles therapist who specializes in helping people escape cults and cult-like relationship.

Sophie’s interview is first. Donna’s interview starts at 29 minutes.

IndoctriNation Episode 6 — Narcissistic seduction and manipulation with Donna Andersen and Sophie, on Soundcloud.com.

 … Read more

Donna Andersen makes the cover of ‘Chat It’s Fate’

If you’ve read my book, Love Fraud — How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, you know that my experience with a sociopath has an important spiritual dimension.

Through my journey, I learned that I’d known my ex-husband, James Montgomery, during multiple lifetimes over multiple centuries, and every time he was evil. This person beat me, raped me, and lead me to be killed.

Now, my story is being featured in the UK publication, Chat it’s fate.  In fact, I’m on the cover with the headline:

BETRAYED by my dream man for CENTURIES
But it was my destiny

You gotta love the British tabloids.

But my marriage to the sociopath was my destiny. This time … Read more

School shootings: Understanding patterns is great, but doesn’t prevent murder

Dimitrios Pagourtzis confessed to the shooting in the Santa Fe high school. (Galveston County Sheriff’s Office)

Another school shooting — in Santa Fe, Texas. Ten dead — eight students and two teachers — and 13 wounded.

This one wasn’t like the Parkland, Florida shooting, where everyone knew that the perpetrator, Nikolas Cruz, had serious psychological problems. No, this time, when 17-year-old Dimitrios Pagourtzis opened fire, people were shocked.

There was only one mention of a possible motive mentioned so far. One of the students killed was Shana Fisher, 16. Shana’s mother, Sadie Rodriguez, said that for four months, Pagourtzis kept making advances on her, and she kept refusing. According to the Los Angeles Times,

“Pagourtzis continued to

Read more
Posted in: Cases, Donna Andersen

A sociopath claims, ‘We are evolution’s next step’

Do sociopaths know what they are? Many, many Lovefraud readers ask me this question. The short answer is that some of them do and some of them don’t.

The man who sent me the following email certainly has insight into his own personality:

I would like to thank you for making your videos they have given me an insight into how you people recognize us. WE are not to blame for your short comings because you are weak minded and foolish enough to be taken advantage of. We are evolutions next step we don’t allow silly emotions to cloud our judgments. In fact we use our advantage for survival because we are natures next course. I know I

Read more

Book Review: ‘Miracle in the Madness:’ All real therapy is release from the past

The Miracle in the Madness — Grateful to be the son of a murderer, by Travis Vining

Review by Donna Andersen

The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.

Travis Vining is the son of a sociopathic serial killer. His father, John Bruce Vining, killed four people, and coerced Travis, as a young man, into helping him escape prosecution.

How does anyone cope with that?

Travis tried to forget what happened, and he did, sort of. His psyche repressed direct memory of many incidents. But the efforts of his mind had repercussions in his body. Travis had all kinds of physical problems, ranging from rashes to addiction to prescription medications, which over … Read more

What do we do when sociopaths experience no consequences?

Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who posts as “Salvation2012.”

Thank you for helping me decide when I needed to cut my losses during my divorce. I did cut my “losses,” yet the total I received tallied up to a number similar, just not in all cash. Because I settled in his eyes, he told everyone I was just proving how I was the guilty one and didn’t want to risk being exposed. To the end he will deny permanently injuring me and bleeding me of money, and cheating on me (which I only later found out about the extent).

My recent concern is watching him seemingly have no consequences. I’m not a vengeful person, so

Read more

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