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Donna Andersen

My Bill Cosby experience: I definitely dodged a bullet

Entertainer Bill Cosby, 80, was convicted of sexually assaulting Andrea Constand last week. He drugged and assaulted her in 2004. Five other women testified that he did the same thing to them back in the ’80s — proving it was Cosby’s pattern of conduct.

The Philadelphia Inquirer has extensive coverage of the Cosby case. Click this link:

Bill Cosby trial

And here’s a story from USA Today:

A complete list of the 60 Bill Cosby accusers and their reactions to the guilty verdict

I am now convinced that my personal experience with Bill Cosby was a near-miss. I was young and naive. But luckily, my guardian angels were looking out for me. I wrote about my experience when … Read more

Donna Andersen’s story on Lifetime TV – watch the full episode online

Back in 2012, I was featured on Lifetime TV in a show called, My Life Is a Lifetime Movie.  I have just learned that Lifetime is airing the show again. You can watch the full episode online.

Each show covers the stories of two women, and in this one, called Husbands Gone Wrong, mine is the second story. The first one, however, is also a story of a sociopath—they actually call the guy a “psychopath,” and I’m pleased to hear the TV show using the word. My story starts at 30:45, although it plays better if you watch the entire show. Here’s a link to the show:

Husbands Gone Wrong on My Life Is a Lifetime MovieRead more

Why the sociopath is crying and other answers to reader questions

crying manLovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call “Judith.” She asked questions that many readers may wonder about, so I’ll answer them in this post.

Sociopaths do not feel emotions, empathy or cry – Yes, he did play the ‘cry game’ when I would tell him the relationship was ‘over’ (which I did a few times) or want to walk out of his door.

Q1. He used to cry incessantly for his parents/grandparents who love him a lot, and feeling homesick (staying alone). Or cry that I was not with him in the same place and how much he misses me (online chat). He would mostly be drinking when he cries like a river. He

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Posted in: Donna Andersen

Battered Mothers Custody Conference, May 4-6, Albany New York

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Women who are fighting for custody of their children against an abusive ex will find information and support that the 13th Battered Mothers Custody Conference, May 4-6, in Albany New York.

Donna Andersen, author of Lovefraud.com, will be speaking on the topic of Your Disordered Ex: What you need to know so you can recover and move forward.

She is one of dozens of experts and advocates who will be speaking at the event. Other programs include:

  • Elsa Newman: Know the options and risks before you decide on family court litigation.
  • Evan Stark: Children and the spectrum of coercive control.
  • Chris O’Sullivan: Abuse, parental alienation and custody — empirical study
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Posted in: Donna Andersen

Have you tried exposing a sociopath online? Did it work?

A few weeks ago, the Philadelphia Inquirer published a story about a woman who says she went to sleep in the home of a male friend, and when she woke up realized she’d been raped. The woman didn’t go to the police — she believed it would be useless. So the took matters into her own hands. She told her story on Facebook, naming the man who assaulted her.

When she did, other women posted about similar experiences with the same man. For the perpetrator shamed via Facebook, there were consequences . He was a musician, and lost gigs. His landlord threw him out of his building.

You can read the article here:

Why Philly sexual assault victims Read more

Lovefraud Survey: How did you deal with a senior sociopath?

I am currently working on a book about senior sociopaths — how disordered people behave when they are over the age of 50. I’ve collected a lot of data about the experiences of Lovefraud readers with these individuals — perhaps you completed my previous survey.

One of the topics I’d like to address in the book is how to deal with this type of person. So I ask you: If you have, or had, a sociopath who was 50 years old or older in your life, how did you escape, cope or move on? What techniques or strategies did you use to manage destructive behavior or get the person out of your life?

I’m looking for information in … Read more

Posted in: Donna Andersen

Lovefraud webinars on recovering from a relationship with a sociopath and dating again – coming May 9 and 16!

I talk to a lot of heartbroken people who have learned that their romantic partner, their “soul mate,” was a sociopath. Men and women who, perhaps like you, discovered that everything their romantic partner said to them was a lie. People who are grieving not only profound betrayal, but also the loss of their hopes and dreams for the future.

If this is you, I understand how devastated you feel. I’ve been there. But I also know that you can recover, you can move forward, and you can find love — a real love.

Yes, you do need to make a commitment to yourself and your healing. So now I’m offering you a terrific first step. In a … Read more

Open letter to lawyers who have clients involved with sociopaths

Image courtesy of suphakit73 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”

Dear Mr. or Ms. Esquire,

When a client tells you his or her opponent is a sociopath, please be aware of the ramifications for your legal case.

First of all, do not disregard the statement just because the opponent hasn’t killed anyone. A common perception is that sociopaths are all deranged serial killers. This is not true—only a small percentage of sociopaths commit murder. But all sociopaths are social predators, and live by exploiting others.

Frequently this is financial exploitation—many sociopaths are skilled con artists—but not always. Sociopaths also target people who can provide them with a place to live, business connections, sex, housekeeping or other support services, children, or a respectable … Read more

When white-collar criminals commit fraud, unknowing wives are devastated

Romance scamMy ex-husband, James Montgomery, was a white-collar criminal. He pretended to be a businessman, but in reality I, and the other women from whom he took more than $1 million, were his business. Federal prosecutors couldn’t be bothered going after him.

Other white-collar criminals, who are likely sociopaths like my husband, commit fraud with their employers. This gets the attention of law enforcement. When they are prosecuted, the casualties include their wives.

In an article for the New York Times, Abby Ellin describes the devastation suffered by women who had no idea what their husbands were doing. They find that other people don’t believe that they were unaware, but I do. I know what it’s like to be … Read more

BOOK REVIEW: ‘Psychopath Free’ — helping you understand your disordered romance and recover yourself

Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People, by Jackson Mackenzie

Review by Donna Andersen

I admit I’ve been remiss. Jackson Mackenzie’s book, Psychopath Free, came out in 2015, and I just finished reading it. I think I need about 48 hours in the day.

Anyway, if you’ve been romantically involved with a psychopath or other disordered individual, Psychopath Free will ring true for you. Jackson does an excellent job of describing the cycle of an involvement with a psychopath, from the glorious beginning when you’re feeling high on all the attention, to the confusion of the mind games in the middle, to the utter devastation when you are brutally discarded.… Read more

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