Donna Andersen

Love Fraud book excerpt: One more massive lie from my sociopath husband

Love Fraud Book ExcerptMy husband, James Montgomery, convinced me to move to Florida by saying he had a deal to launch our new Titanic Exhibition. He lied. I was broke. Now what were we going to do?

By Donna Andersen

By the first week of February 1999, James had been in Orlando for more than two months. I’d been there for six weeks. I was still working on plans for the exhibition at Wild Bill’s, and needed more information about the facility’s dimensions. I called the dinner theater’s office.

“We have the Titanic exhibition that’s going into Wild Bill’s,” I said to the manager who answered the phone. “I’d like to stop by and take some more measurements.”

“The Titanic exhibition!” … Read more

How to spot a dating scam

Americans lost $143 million in dating scams in 2018, according to the Federal Trade Commission. That figure probably doesn’t include the more than $2 million that one con artist, Derek Alldred, took from the two dozen women that he, by himself, scammed.

These are examples of the two different types of dating scams: Online dating scams and In Real Life (IRL) dating scams. Here’s what you need to know about them.

Online dating scams

These dating scams take place totally over the Internet, social media and phones — the Internet predator and the target never meet in person. The objective is usually financial.

Many of these Internet predators are based in Nigeria or Asia. In fact, dating … Read more

How to date after a narcissist, sociopath or other exploiter

Dating after the narcissist

When you’re thinking about starting to date after a narcissist, sociopath or other exploiter, the last thing you need to hear is some so-called expert telling you to fix your low self-esteem.

I just read an article on PsychCentral, and the author says the reason you attracted a narcissist in the first place is because you lack confidence.

Hello?? I, for one, was not lacking in self-esteem when my sociopathic ex waltzed into my life. I’ve heard from plenty of successful, accomplished men and women who also found themselves in relationships with disordered individuals. Self-esteem is not the issue.

So what is the issue? Actually there are three:

  1. Lack of awareness

We fall for sociopaths (Lovefraud’s umbrella term … Read more

Love Fraud book excerpt: Because of my husband, I was about to lose everything

Love Fraud book excerptFinally, my husband, James Montgomery, found a project that might actually become reality — a Titanic Exhibition. He and a partner had secured investors, we’d assembled a collection of artifacts, I was planning the show — and then it all fell apart.

By Donna Andersen

On Thanksgiving morning, as usual, James got up long before me and went down to his office in the basement, even though he just flew in from Las Vegas the day before. I was in the kitchen, getting ready to prepare my contribution to the day’s feast—a casserole of carrots and apples—when he came upstairs, wearing his bathrobe.

“We should leave around one o’clock for my uncle’s house,” I said.

“All right,” James … Read more

3 Tips for polite conversation about relationship abuse

I recently attended a small party — about 15 people — at a friend’s home. I got into a conversation with two women, neither of whom I knew before. They both revealed that, like me, they had endured relationship abuse. We started swapping stories.

The first woman worked hard all her life, built a successful career, and then married the guy who, over about seven years, took advantage of her assets. She described his lies, mostly about money, as “gaslighting.”

The second woman had three children with a man who turned out to be a controller, moving her away from family and friends. She spent 20 years trying to shield the children from his destructive ways, then finally … Read more

Wednesday Webinar: Why it’s hard to get over a sociopath and how to recover

I hear from many people who have escaped from involvements with sociopaths — either because they’ve finally found the courage to leave, or were unceremoniously dumped. They are often in a lot of emotional pain, and, knowing how badly they were treated, they can’t understand why it is so hard to get over loving a sociopath.

If you’re in this situation, you know what I’m talking about.

Why does this happen? When you’re involved with a sociopath, the thrill at the beginning of the relationship is so intense, that the crash when the relationship ends is worse than anything you’ve ever experienced.

And why does this happen? Because the sociopath hijacks the human bonding system.

I explain all … Read more

Love Fraud book excerpt: What I did about my husband’s cheating

Love Fraud book excerptI had been married to James Montgomery for about a year and a half, and he went on overnight and weekend “business trips” the entire time. I didn’t want to think about what he was doing — until I had to.

By Donna Andersen

My husband was cheating on me. The letter from the Bank of Boston credit card department confirmed it.

This was the credit card I had given to James. He spent the money; I paid the bills. On the March statement was a charge for the Berlin Motor Lodge. I knew exactly where this place was and what it looked like. It was a small highway motel on Route 73 in Berlin, New Jersey, 35 … Read more

Wednesday webinar: Escaping the Sociopath and Rebuilding Your Life

You finally realize that there is something dramatically wrong with your partner. What you really want is to feel better. But how do you go about escaping the sociopath?

That’s what I address in the next webinar of the Lovefraud Understanding and Recovery 5-part Masterclass. The first three programs in the series explained how you got into the situation — the bottom line is that sociopaths are very, very good at what they do, and you were targeted. Now, in the webinar Escaping the Sociopath and Rebuilding Your Life, we’ll be talking about how to move forward. And that’s what you really want.

There are two parts to your recovery — dealing with the practical issues of life, … Read more

Video: After they’re gone, do sociopaths or narcissists return?

The sociopath is gone. Either you were dumped, or you finally threw him or her out. Now what? After they’re gone, do sociopaths or narcissists return?

You may feel like you’re in shock, especially if your sociopathic partner abruptly discarded you, after days, months, or perhaps even years of saying that you were meant for each other.

Or perhaps you finally got up the nerve to end the involvement. Your partner is gone, but your resolve is unsteady. What if he or she showed up again? Can you stand strong?

I address these questions in the newest Lovefraud Lessons video: Do sociopaths return? I explain why sociopaths may return, and what you should do.

To learn more … Read more

Love Fraud book excerpt: If my family knew what was really going on in my marriage

Love Fraud book excerptBy Donna Andersen

We married secretly in Australia. Then six months after we met, had another wedding, complete with a reception and band, attended by family and friends. By this time I had already spent more than $53,000 on my husband’s projects, much of it on my credit cards.

My brother’s birthday was in March, and on a Sunday afternoon his wife planned a small celebration in their home. James said he had to work, as usual, so I went alone. Toward the end of the party, my brother cornered me in the family room.

“You know, Donna, Dad is concerned about James,” he began.

“What’s he concerned about?”

“He thinks James doesn’t have any money and you … Read more

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