lf2

Donna Andersen

10 translations of what sociopaths mean by ‘I love you’

Authentic affection or a sociopath?Most sociopaths are really good at proclaiming their love. They often say the words “I love you” so quickly that it surprises us how can they already feel that way? We just met!

When we question them, they respond, “You’re the one I’ve been waiting for all my life,” or, “I just know that we’re perfect for each other,” or something equally endearing.

We want to believe them, so we do. They keep pouring it on, until we fall in love with them. The big problem, however, is that our love is real and theirs is fake.

Quora: What’s it like for a sociopath to meet another sociopath?

The following question was posed on Quora: “What’s it like for a sociopath to meet another sociopath?”

The woman who asked the question included commentary about sociopaths, some of which I disagree with. For example, she said, “Sometimes you see even the most terrifying sociopaths get out of prison and go on to have their own children who they do not mistreat, and actually like.” Actually, sociopaths are incapable of loving anyone, including their children, so even if they don’t beat their kids, they’ll probably inflict psychological and emotional abuse.

Explaining love addiction with a sociopath

According to Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, romantic love is an addiction. The drive to find a romantic partner is buried deep in the brain, and biologically intertwined with the brain’s reward system, which is linked to wanting, motivation, focus and craving. To hear Dr. Fisher explain this, watch the video.

Dr. Fisher points out that when you love someone and are rejected, the addiction is worse. Not only do you continue to feel the intense romantic love, but you love your beau even more. Your love becomes an obsession. It turns out that the brain system associated with rewards becomes even more active when you can’t get what you want.

The Sociopath Channel: Investigation Discovery

If you want to know how sociopaths behave, just watch any TV show on the Investigation Discovery channel. All the stories are true. They’re all about sociopaths. All the stories will enlighten you about disordered behavior — if you know what to look for.

In fact, I found a page on the ID website with helpful information: 5 Signs you share your home with a psychopath. The descriptions are reasonably accurate.

I often turn on ID while I’m cleaning the house. Because of the reality show format — narration, interviews and reenactments — I find that I can listen to the shows while I work, and still follow the whole story. Time and time again, I hear perfect descriptions of sociopaths seducing and then exploiting their targets.

After the sociopath, a man with borderline personality disorder

Photo by Alon

Editor’s Note: Lovefraud received the following email from reader Victimcindy. Donna Andersen  responds after the letter.

My first relationship, after my 18-year marriage to a sociopath, was to a borderline personality disordered (BPD) man. Do you find this common as the disordered traits are opposite in some areas?  We think we are getting something new and healthy.

Spath vs BPD: sex

My spath-ex withheld sex as power. The borderline was highly sexual. My spath-ex was charming, but lacked empathy and was emotionally unavailable. He also abused substances, was opportunistic with casual sex outside marriage and secretive.

Has your ex threatened to take revenge after your divorce?

Dwight Lamon Jones (Scottsdael Police Dept)

Dwight Jones, of Scottsdale, Arizona, was bitter and angry about his November, 2010 divorce. Last week, almost eight years later, he allegedly lashed out.

Jones is suspected of killing six people, four of whom were connected to his divorce:

  • Dr. Steven Pitt, a well-known psychologist who testified against Jones in the divorce
  • Veleria Sharp and Laura Anderson, paralegals who worked in the law office of the divorce attorney retained by Jones’ ex-wife
  • Marshall Levine, a counselor who took over the office space once used the counselor who treated Jones’ son

Strategies to help recover from a break-up — at least in normal relationships

In a recent scientific paper, researchers tested three cognitive strategies to help people get over a breakup with a romantic partner. They studied 24 heartbroken people, who had been in the relationship an average of 2.5 years. All were upset, and most still loved their exes.

The recovery strategies:

  1. Negatively reappraise their ex — highlighting the ex’s negative traits.
  2. Love reappraisal — accepting feelings of love without judgment.
  3. Distraction — think about positive things unrelated to the ex.

Here were the results, according to the study authors:

  1. Negative reappraisal decreased love feelings but made participants feel unpleasant.

If your relationship and financial support are gone, services for displaced homemakers may be able to help

If you’re in dire financial straits because you’ve been abandoned, divorced or widowed, there may be resources in your community to help you.

At last month’s Battered Mothers Custody Conference, I met Nancy Howard, director of the Center for People in Transition at Rowan College in Gloucester County, New Jersey. Her social services agency assists displaced homemakers in becoming self-sufficient.

Nancy told me that displaced homemaker programs are available in all 50 states of the United States. To find them, just Google “displaced homemaker” and the name of your state.


12 ways sociopaths say, ‘It’s not my fault’ — what have you heard?

One of the defining characteristics of a sociopath is that they never take responsibility for anything. Nothing is ever their fault. Any problem they face is always caused by someone else, or circumstances beyond their control.

I’ll bet that a young sociopath invented the excuse, “The dog ate my homework.”

Early in my relationship with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, he explained that his innovative business venture wasn’t built because “the government took his land.” Of course, he never mentioned the fact that he never owned the land, and never raised the money to buy the land. He just blamed the government for his business failure.

After dating a sociopath, the advice you need for your recovery

The most telling sign that you’ve been dating a sociopath is confusion. This person claimed to love you, but after the initial whirlwind romance, treated you like dirt. Your partner would be absolutely brutal to you, and the next day, maybe even the next hour, act like nothing ever happened. He or she seemed to be proud of you, and then did nothing but criticize you.

You finally figured out that something was wrong — he or she was disordered — and you ended the involvement. And then you started to second-guess yourself — what if you made a mistake?

Send this to a friend