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Donna Andersen

A sociopath explains how she loves

If you’re like most Lovefraud readers, you’re here because you were romantically involved with a sociopath. This person probably declared love for you repeatedly, exuberantly and convincingly. Then the individual lied to you, betrayed you, cheated on you, abused you and perhaps even threatened you.

You were left stunned, distraught and devastated. How could someone who loved you treat you so badly?

A letter Lovefraud received recently might help you understand why that person’s love was so shallow:

I have read several articles on your site out of curiosity and boredom over the past few weeks, and I agree with almost all of their content. If I weren’t a sociopath I would probably find some of those articles

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‘Dark core of personality’ — what antisocials, psychopaths, sadists and other miscreants have in common

man in maskIs the disordered person in your life antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, psychopathic — or perhaps even Machiavellian or a sadist?

You may have struggled to figure out which definition applies, perhaps reasoning that a narcissist isn’t as bad as a psychopath. In reality, all of these disorders are bad news — people who have them engage in similar destructive behavior.

Now, research from Europe shows that all of these disorders share a common denominator. In a paper called The Dark Core of Personality, Ingo Zettler, a psychology professor at the University of Copenhagen, and two German colleagues, define the “D-factor” at the dark core. They write:

All dark traits can be traced back to the general tendency of

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How much do psychopaths really cost our society?

Kaboni Savage was a drug kingpin in Philadelphia. On his orders, his crew firebombed the home of a federal witness in 2004, killing six people, including four children. Savage was sentenced to death in May, 2013.

A few months later, the Philadelphia Inquirer wrote an article about the cost of prosecuting Kaboni Savage: Bill for Savage trial easily tops $10 million:

No one protested when a federal jury recommended in June that Kaboni Savage be put to death.

In just a few years, Savage had left a grisly trail in North Philadelphia. He gunned down one man, ordered the killing of five others, and directed the 2004 rowhouse firebombing that killed four children and two women.

The cocaine,

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Am I a sociopath magnet?

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call “Kristinan32.” Donna Andersen responds at the end of it.

I’ve had a long history with NPDs and Sociopaths. Am I some sort of magnet?

I am a caring individual, rescue animals, take care of people. Go figure. My daughter’s father was one, the last guy I was with was one, up until he died.

Two years later, I decided I’ve ‘healed’ somewhat after everything, and I see my old friend’s brother on a social media site. I never really knew him, so I contacted him, out of the blue. So, we hit it off fast. This is unlike me, I don’t take things fast. We … Read more

One predator priest abused five sisters in the same family — now they tell their stories

One predator priest, Father Augustine Giella, groomed and sexually assaulted five girls from the same family — the Fortneys, of Enhaut, Pennsylvania, near Harrisburg. The abuse began in 1982, when Giella was assigned to their parish, but none of the girls talked about what happened until decades later.

The family received a settlement from the Diocese of Harrisburg. It was accompanied by a gag order. Only now, after the recently released grand jury on sexual abuse in Pennsylvania’s Catholic churches, are they talking.

The Philadelphia Inquirer reported their story today. And in the same issue, … Read more

10 Facts to help you explain your experience with a sociopath

The biggest reason why we get tangled up with sociopaths is because we don’t know they exist. We don’t know they live among us, so we don’t watch out for them, so we get in trouble.

Then, when we try to tell our friends and families what happened, they have no idea what we’re talking about — because they don’t know sociopaths exist either. So on top of the devastation we endure from the sociopath, when we turn to others for support, we are not understood or even believed.

If you’re trying to explain your experience with a sociopath, here are some facts to help you put your story in context:

1 . Approximately 40 million people in … Read more

5 tips for dealing with a sociopath

Lovefraud’s standard advice for interacting with a sociopath is not to interact at all, to implement a strict policy of No Contact. Unfortunately, this isn’t always possible.

Perhaps you share children with a sociopathic ex-partner. Or perhaps you have a disordered boss or co-worker, and aren’t yet able to find new employment. Or perhaps some member of your family is disordered. If you have no choice but to interact with a problem person, here are some tips that may help you.

  1. Do not react emotionally.

Sociopaths will often do or say unpleasant things just to provoke a reaction out of you. Do not take the bait.

Remember, all sociopaths really want is to win. If they get an … Read more

Attracting better partners by releasing unhealthy beliefs

Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we’ll call “Emilie”:

I won’t go into the long, boring details of my 7+ year relationship with the sociopath that invaded my life. It’s the same basic story as always and plus, I think there’s some kind of email size limit. 🙂

Ever since I ended the engagement over 3 years ago, and finally terminated the relationship itself another year after, I’ve made comments (in a lighthearted, self deprecating fashion) that, “if you’re going to treat me like crap, then I’m the girl for you!” Yes, it gets chuckles from the people I’m around, but sadly it’s true.

I was watching a movie last night and was judging the

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Trust after betrayal by the sociopath

For everyone here at Lovefraud, there came a time when we could no longer continue in denial. We were forced to admit that someone we trusted had betrayed us. We felt devastation, anger, humiliation, grief and every other negative emotion on a therapy checklist.

We also berated ourselves for our naiveté, kicked ourselves for our gullibility, and castigated ourselves for trusting someone who shouldn’t have been trusted. Overwhelmed by pain, we may have vowed that we would never trust again.

Hold on. As human beings, we need to trust. Human society is built on trust. The key is to determine who is trustworthy, and who is not.

Trust and human society

I wrote previously about Paul Zak’s book, … Read more

10 typical emotional abuse tactics that the experts don’t even measure

No wonder mental health professionals don’t seem to understand emotional abuse. In trying to conduct research about it, they don’t even have a comprehensive list of typical emotionally abusive behaviors.

Here are 10 behaviors that Lovefraud readers experience, time and time again, from their sociopathic partners. How many have you seen?

  1. You’re blamed for everything; it’s all your fault.
  2. Your partner flirts with others and cheats on you.
  3. Your partner disappears — you have no idea where he or she is, and when, or if, he or she will return.
  4. Your partner does or says something incredibly hurtful — and then acts like nothing happened.
  5. You get the silent treatment.
  6. Your partner moves the goal posts — what
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