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Donna Andersen

How do I forgive myself for staying in a relationship with a sociopath?

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Lovefraud recently received the following email:

I suspected that my ex boyfriend was a sociopath, but your website confirmed it. I always thought that sociopaths were murderers like Ted Bundy or Casey Anthony, but I realize now that the vast majority lead “normal” lives (whatever that means).

I’m a divorced mom with a precious little daughter. My ex boyfriend was the first man I dated after a long and abusive marriage to an alcoholic. I was with my ex boyfriend a little over 2 years, although he exhibited signs of sociopathic (or what I considered narcissistic) behavior, including chronic infidelity, pathological lying, a grandiose sense of self, a total lack of empathy (particularly towards his five children whom he rarely saw), a lack of responsibility, impulsivity, etc. You get the picture.

12 years later, Phil Haberman still pretends to be military

Phil Haberman, right, as a volunteer rescuer after Hurricane Harvey in Texas. (Reuters/ Jonathan Bachman)

Sociopaths just don’t quit. Back in 2006, Lovefraud profiled Phil Haberman, who claimed to be special forces (a lie), claimed to have suffered war injuries in Iraq (a lie), and convinced the military to pay him money he didn’t deserve (the truth). Over the years, Lovefraud has periodically heard from people who had tangled with Haberman. He frequently created fundraising campaigns for sick or injured dogs that were nothing but scams.

Posted in: Cases, Donna Andersen

If you must fight a sociopath, you cannot be nice

Sociopaths do not believe that the rules apply to them. They do not fight fair.

Therefore, if you choose to fight a sociopath, or if you have no choice but to fight a sociopath, your own fighting style will need to become aggressive as well.

If you’re a nice person, if you typically want to do what’s fair for everyone involved — well, that doesn’t work with a sociopath. A sociopath’s objective is not to be fair. It’s to win, and possibly annihilate you in the process.

To survive the battle, you’ll need to act in a way that is probably contrary to your nature. It will be uncomfortable, but necessary.

In the New Year, the secret to true recovery from the sociopath

It’s the New Year, the perfect time to reflect on what we truly want in life. If you are or have been involved with a sociopath, your most ardent wish is probably for recovery.

Here’s the secret that will enable you to achieve your desire for recovery: All true healing is internal.

Now, you may feel like I’m stating the obvious, because you feel like crap, and you want to feel better. Or worse, you are numb, and you can’t feel anything.

From us to all of you — Merry Christmas!

 

We hope you have peaceful holidays and the changes you want in the New Year!

Donna, Santa, Terry and Bo

Lovefraud writers are taking time off from posting for the holidays.
We’ll be back in the New Year!

Posted in: Donna Andersen

Love is always a leap of faith

Lovefraud received the following email:

Hi Donna,

I’m a huge fan of LoveFraud and can’t thank you enough for making it happen. I know from your story that you’ve found a wonderful man.  So have I, and we’ve been dating about a year. He’s an upbeat, nurturing person with a great sense of humor and good boundaries!

Still, I’m finding it difficult to let go and love him. I’m really surprised how long it’s taking me to let go of my fear. (I’ve been out of my marriage 4 years and did a lot of healing before I met new guy.)

Donna Andersen explains sociopaths and how they hook people in a new podcast

What is a sociopath? Why do people fall for them? How does the mental health profession diagnose them? And how can everyone protect themselves from these human predators? Donna Andersen answers all of these questions — and more — in her most recent interview.

Donna was a guest on MyNDTALK, hosted by Dr. Pamela Brewer. This hour-long interview is packed with information to help you understand sociopaths and how they affect their targets. Click the link below to listen or download the interview.

MyNDTALK – Love Fraud – Donna Andersen

5 steps to get the sociopath out of your head

(David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

I once heard from a woman whom we’ll call “Rochelle.” When Rochelle was in her 50s, through a high school reunion, she reconnected with the first boy she ever loved. Rochelle had a crush on him when she was 14. They dated for almost five years, although he always seemed to have an eye out for other girls. When they broke up, Rochelle was heartbroken, but she moved on, married, divorced, and life was reasonably good—until that first love came back into her life.

11 Answers to questions about sociopaths

Man with maskI heard from Lovefraud reader who realizes that she’s been in a relationship with a sociopath. She’s in the phase of trying to wrap her brain around about what these people are, and sent me the following email:

What happens to these people?  These sociopaths?  How do they end up in life?  Do they just go from victim to victim?  Have any of them ever realized the affliction of which they suffer?  Do they ever realize they are not capable of love?  If they are not capable of love, they will never be happy, right?  So…you could present “Red Flags of Love Fraud” to a sociopath and they would not see themselves in it, correct?  Do they ever see the error of their ways?  There is a rather cryptic site called Narcissism Cured, but that doesn’t seem to be possible.

Women aged 40-70: Be on the lookout for Internet predators like Tom Guida

Tom Guida, of Toms River, New Jersey, was accused of bigamy, but got away with it.

More than two years ago, Lovefraud posted about Tom Guida, age 55, of New Jersey. This guy is unbelievable. He finds women online, tells them he is a Ph.D. psychologist (lie), Special Operations military (lie), and suffering from brain cancer (lie).

He tells the women he loves them (lie) and then proposes marriage. He doesn’t tell them he is already married (truth). In fact, he’s a bigamist.

Here’s the Lovefraud story:

Tom Guida, aka Tom Gatto – fake psychologist, fake Special Forces, fake brain cancer patient – gets away with bigamy

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