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Donna Andersen

Open letter to lawyers who have clients involved with sociopaths

Image courtesy of suphakit73 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”

Dear Mr. or Ms. Esquire,

When a client tells you his or her opponent is a sociopath, please be aware of the ramifications for your legal case.

First of all, do not disregard the statement just because the opponent hasn’t killed anyone. A common perception is that sociopaths are all deranged serial killers. This is not true—only a small percentage of sociopaths commit murder. But all sociopaths are social predators, and live by exploiting others.

When white-collar criminals commit fraud, unknowing wives are devastated

Romance scamMy ex-husband, James Montgomery, was a white-collar criminal. He pretended to be a businessman, but in reality I, and the other women from whom he took more than $1 million, were his business. Federal prosecutors couldn’t be bothered going after him.

Other white-collar criminals, who are likely sociopaths like my husband, commit fraud with their employers. This gets the attention of law enforcement. When they are prosecuted, the casualties include their wives.

In an article for the New York Times, Abby Ellin describes the devastation suffered by women who had no idea what their husbands were doing. They find that other people don’t believe that they were unaware, but I do. I know what it’s like to be conned by a sociopath.

BOOK REVIEW: ‘Psychopath Free’ — helping you understand your disordered romance and recover yourself

Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People, by Jackson Mackenzie

Review by Donna Andersen

I admit I’ve been remiss. Jackson Mackenzie’s book, Psychopath Free, came out in 2015, and I just finished reading it. I think I need about 48 hours in the day.

Anyway, if you’ve been romantically involved with a psychopath or other disordered individual, Psychopath Free will ring true for you. Jackson does an excellent job of describing the cycle of an involvement with a psychopath, from the glorious beginning when you’re feeling high on all the attention, to the confusion of the mind games in the middle, to the utter devastation when you are brutally discarded.

Austin bomber called himself a ‘psychopath’

Mark Anthony Conditt (Facebook)

For three weeks, someone terrorized the city of Austin, Texas by delivering package bombs. Two people were killed by the blasts, and four more were injured.

The first three victims were minorities, so law enforcement considered the incidents to be potential hate crimes. They also considered terrorism.

Apparently, there was no reason for the bombings. The perpetrator, Mark Anthony Conditt,  who blew himself up as police closed in on him, had recorded a 25-minute confession video. In it, according to U.S Representative Michael McCaul, Conditt referred to himself as a “psychopath.” Conditt admitted that he didn’t feel any remorse.

Donna Andersen appears on Australian TV — watch online now

Donna Andersen, author of Lovefraud.com, will appear on Insight, a show on the Australian SBS television network, on Tuesday, March 27, at 8:30 p.m. Sydney time. (In the U.S., that’s 5:30 a.m. Eastern time on Tuesday, March 27.)

The episode is called, His Other Life — What happens when you discover your partner has a secret life? The host, Jenny Brockie, asks five different women about their experiences.

  • Rochelle Rees discovered that her partner was secretly spying on her for the New Zealand police.
  • Rachel Carling-Jenkins discovered that her husband was involved with child pornography.

8 reasons why we can’t see what’s wrong with the sociopath

“I could smell the smoke, but I could never find the fire.” That’s how one Lovefraud reader explained her experience with a sociopath. She sensed that something was terribly wrong, but could never figure out what it was.

Other Lovefraud readers described the same situation this way, “I knew something was off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.”

Why is this? Why can’t we see what later turns out to be massive lying, exploitation and betrayal?

Following are eight reasons why we may suspect that something about the sociopath isn’t right, but we don’t identify it.

Do sociopaths actually know what they are?

I receive a lot of email from readers, and over the years many have asked some variation of the question: Do sociopaths know what they are? Do they realize that something is wrong with them?

The answer varies with the individual sociopath, because they aren’t all the same. Generally, though, I believe sociopaths know that they are different from the rest of the human race. However, most are not bothered by their difference. They view themselves as superior.

Posted in: Donna Andersen

After the sociopath, consumed by obsession

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The illusion is vaporized. One way or another, you have discovered that your partner, family member, friend or colleague is a sociopath. Maybe you unearthed one lie too many. Or maybe the mask slipped and the person unceremoniously dumped you. However it happened, you’ve learned that he or she has been lying to you all along.

And now you’re obsessed.

You want to know the truth. You want to know where the sociopath really was, who the sociopath was really with, what happened to the money. With your new awareness of his or her lying personality, you recall multiple incidents that left you scratching your head, and now look at them in an entirely different light, trying to figure out what was really going on.

Sociopathic deception: A plan or second nature?

Man with maskLovefraud received the following question from a reader:

When a sociopath targets his victim, does he think and create a plan as to HOW he is going to manipulate his prey to glean what he wants, or is this just second nature to him?  How can he spend MONTHS being such a kind, considerate person, going out of his way to do the “little” things that matter in life, before turning into the evil monster?

When you have been deceived and manipulated by a sociopath, the most difficult idea to grasp is how totally different people with this personality disorder are from the rest of us. Their behavior is different from everything we thought we knew about human interaction.

How could such a wonderful young man turn into an evil sociopath?

Editors note: Here’s a letter Lovefraud received from a reader whom we’ll call “Charlotte18.” Donna Andersen’s response follows the letter.

About a year ago, my husband was arrested for kidnapping a couple of friends of ours. Since then, I have been discovering so many other nefarious things he was doing behind my back, such as stealing money for a living, having relations with other men, committing tax fraud, and the list goes on.

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