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Donna Andersen

Forget the checklist — after the sociopath pay attention to how YOU feel in a new relationship

When you’re romantically involved with a sociopath, sooner or later your entire relationship falls apart. The level of destruction may differ, but the bottom line is the same for all of these involvements: There never was a relationship — everything you thought you had was built on lies.

You’re devastated. But if you follow Lovefraud’s advice and allow yourself sufficient time to process and recover from the experience, eventually another opportunity for romance will come your way. Still, you may feel gun shy. You were completely deceived before. How can you be sure it won’t happen again?

The Lovefraud reader, “Slimone,” posted a comment recently that I believe is absolutely terrific advice for moving forward. It was directed … Read more

Pain as motivation for escaping the sociopath

A couple of weeks ago, I posted an article entitled, How to overcome your addiction to sociopaths. In it, I offered three steps for changing a pattern of falling in love with sociopaths. The steps are:

  1.  No Contact with the current sociopath
  2. Do not date anyone for the time being
  3. Heal the vulnerabilities

The real work is in the third step — healing your vulnerabilities. What I suggest sounds somewhat like the good advice that we get on many topics, like:

  • Eat your vegetables
  • Make time for regular exercise
  • Cut down on sugar, carbs and alcohol
  • Get enough sleep

We all know we should do all these things, but do we do them? How often do we … Read more

Dr. James Kauffman: military fraud and drug dealer, hired a hit man to murder his wife

A few weeks ago, ABC 20/20 broadcast a show about the murder of April Kauffman in 2012. Last year, her husband, Dr. James Kauffman, was charged with hiring a hit man to shoot her in their home. In January, James Kauffman hanged himself while in prison awaiting trial.

The crime took place in Linwood, New Jersey, which is practically in my back yard, so I’ve been reading the news coverage for years. I began to suspect that the good doctor was a psychopath early on — when he remarried shortly after his wife’s death and tried to collect on her insurance policy.

Yesterday, a new story came out — James Kauffman had claimed to be a military hero, … Read more

5 Reasons why the sociopath’s behavior in your relationship makes no sense

Shock. Confusion. Disbelief. These are common experiences when you’re romantically involved with a sociopath.

You ask yourself, or your friends, or your therapist, questions like:

  • “How can he be talking about getting married one day and ghost me the next?”
  • “How can she be so mean and cruel and then act like nothing ever happened?”
  • “How can he tell me that he loves me while he’s cheating with someone else?”

Sociopathic behaviors are so confusing because your expectations about what a romantic relationship is, and how people who are supposed to be in love treat each other, are totally different from those of the sociopath.

You believe that when people are in love, you are good and kind Read more

How to overcome your addiction to sociopaths

Photo by Merelize at FreeRange Stock Photos.

Lovefraud received the following email from a woman whom we’ll call “Peggy Sue.”

I feel hopeless. I’m a target for sociopaths, or I’m addicted to them. My ex-fiancé was one. I was with him 7 years and was abused every way possible. I was so confused with the lies and double life. He said I was crazy and I went on tons of medication and was completely isolated.

I finally was able to leave after 7 years with the help of police, only to move back to my dads with nothing and to start all over. A month later fell in love with another sociopath. My friends and family think I’m

Read more

Letter to Lovefraud: I’m looking on POF, but I’m scared to move forward

A Lovefraud reader found this ad on POF.

Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who gives her pseudonym as “Erica.”

I’ve been in love with a sociopath for 5 and a half years. He lives in Portland and I live here in Vegas so that has been a great thing, however he still haunts me and I’m trying to move on so I’m enclosing a profile from an online dating site and I’d like to get your opinion of the things that he says. I’m scared to move forward because I’m scared that I’ll attract another one. I seem to be surrounded by narcissism and sociopathy and I’m tired and I’m scared and I lack trust

Read more

Annapolis shooter Jarrod Ramos—something’s wrong, but he may not be a sociopath

Jarrod W. Ramos (Anne Arundel Police)

On Thursday, Jarrod W. Ramos, 38, burst into the offices of the Capital Gazette newspaper in Annapolis, Maryland and shot five employees dead.

This tragic situation began as a stalking case. Here are the details: In 2009, Ramos found a former high school classmate on Facebook. The woman didn’t remember Ramos, but Googled him, discovered they were, in fact, classmates, and she was cordial to him. Ramos escalated, began stalking her, and the woman finally pressed charges. Ramos pleaded guilty to criminal harassment and received 90-day suspended sentence and 18 months of probation.

The Capital Gazette published an article about the case on July 31, 2011. Ramos didn’t like the article, and … Read more

10 translations of what sociopaths mean by ‘I love you’

Authentic affection or a sociopath?Most sociopaths are really good at proclaiming their love. They often say the words “I love you” so quickly that it surprises us how can they already feel that way? We just met!

When we question them, they respond, “You’re the one I’ve been waiting for all my life,” or, “I just know that we’re perfect for each other,” or something equally endearing.

We want to believe them, so we do. They keep pouring it on, until we fall in love with them. The big problem, however, is that our love is real and theirs is fake.

Sociopaths are incapable of love. Even though they sound sincere and convincing, they literally do not have the internal wiring that … Read more

Quora: What’s it like for a sociopath to meet another sociopath?

The following question was posed on Quora: “What’s it like for a sociopath to meet another sociopath?”

The woman who asked the question included commentary about sociopaths, some of which I disagree with. For example, she said, “Sometimes you see even the most terrifying sociopaths get out of prison and go on to have their own children who they do not mistreat, and actually like.” Actually, sociopaths are incapable of loving anyone, including their children, so even if they don’t beat their kids, they’ll probably inflict psychological and emotional abuse.

But what makes this Quora thread really interesting is not the question, but the answers. Several people who identified themselves as sociopaths posted their views, which are fascinating. … Read more

Explaining love addiction with a sociopath

According to Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, romantic love is an addiction. The drive to find a romantic partner is buried deep in the brain, and biologically intertwined with the brain’s reward system, which is linked to wanting, motivation, focus and craving. To hear Dr. Fisher explain this, watch the video.

Dr. Fisher points out that when you love someone and are rejected, the addiction is worse. Not only do you continue to feel the intense romantic love, but you love your beau even more. Your love becomes an obsession. It turns out that the brain system associated with rewards becomes even more active when you can’t get what you want.

So what happens when you … Read more

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