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Donna Andersen

The Sociopath Channel: Investigation Discovery

If you want to know how sociopaths behave, just watch any TV show on the Investigation Discovery channel. All the stories are true. They’re all about sociopaths. All the stories will enlighten you about disordered behavior — if you know what to look for.

In fact, I found a page on the ID website with helpful information: 5 Signs you share your home with a psychopath. The descriptions are reasonably accurate.

I often turn on ID while I’m cleaning the house. Because of the reality show format — narration, interviews and reenactments — I find that I can listen to the shows while I work, and still follow the whole story. Time and time again, I hear … Read more

After the sociopath, a man with borderline personality disorder

Photo by Alon

Editor’s Note: Lovefraud received the following email from reader Victimcindy. Donna Andersen  responds after the letter.

My first relationship, after my 18-year marriage to a sociopath, was to a borderline personality disordered (BPD) man. Do you find this common as the disordered traits are opposite in some areas?  We think we are getting something new and healthy.

Spath vs BPD: sex

My spath-ex withheld sex as power. The borderline was highly sexual. My spath-ex was charming, but lacked empathy and was emotionally unavailable. He also abused substances, was opportunistic with casual sex outside marriage and secretive.

Spath vs BPD: love

The borderline was vulnerable, overly empathetic, very emotional and had undying loyalty in a clinging … Read more

Has your ex threatened to take revenge after your divorce?

Dwight Lamon Jones (Scottsdael Police Dept)

Dwight Jones, of Scottsdale, Arizona, was bitter and angry about his November, 2010 divorce. Last week, almost eight years later, he allegedly lashed out.

Jones is suspected of killing six people, four of whom were connected to his divorce:

  • Dr. Steven Pitt, a well-known psychologist who testified against Jones in the divorce
  • Veleria Sharp and Laura Anderson, paralegals who worked in the law office of the divorce attorney retained by Jones’ ex-wife
  • Marshall Levine, a counselor who took over the office space once used the counselor who treated Jones’ son
  • Mary Simmons and Bryon Thomas, who were friends of Jones, although police don’t know why he killed them

It certainly seems that … Read more

Strategies to help recover from a break-up — at least in normal relationships

In a recent scientific paper, researchers tested three cognitive strategies to help people get over a breakup with a romantic partner. They studied 24 heartbroken people, who had been in the relationship an average of 2.5 years. All were upset, and most still loved their exes.

The recovery strategies:

  1. Negatively reappraise their ex — highlighting the ex’s negative traits.
  2. Love reappraisal — accepting feelings of love without judgment.
  3. Distraction — think about positive things unrelated to the ex.

Here were the results, according to the study authors:

  1. Negative reappraisal decreased love feelings but made participants feel unpleasant.
  2. Love reappraisal did nothing.
  3. Distraction did not change love feelings, but made the participants feel pleasant.

Read more about the study:… Read more

If your relationship and financial support are gone, services for displaced homemakers may be able to help

If you’re in dire financial straits because you’ve been abandoned, divorced or widowed, there may be resources in your community to help you.

At last month’s Battered Mothers Custody Conference, I met Nancy Howard, director of the Center for People in Transition at Rowan College in Gloucester County, New Jersey. Her social services agency assists displaced homemakers in becoming self-sufficient.

Nancy told me that displaced homemaker programs are available in all 50 states of the United States. To find them, just Google “displaced homemaker” and the name of your state.

According to People in Transition, … Read more

12 ways sociopaths say, ‘It’s not my fault’ — what have you heard?

One of the defining characteristics of a sociopath is that they never take responsibility for anything. Nothing is ever their fault. Any problem they face is always caused by someone else, or circumstances beyond their control.

I’ll bet that a young sociopath invented the excuse, “The dog ate my homework.”

Early in my relationship with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, he explained that his innovative business venture wasn’t built because “the government took his land.” Of course, he never mentioned the fact that he never owned the land, and never raised the money to buy the land. He just blamed the government for his business failure.

Since I launched Lovefraud, I’ve heard countless stories of sociopathic excuses … Read more

After dating a sociopath, the advice you need for your recovery

The most telling sign that you’ve been dating a sociopath is confusion. This person claimed to love you, but after the initial whirlwind romance, treated you like dirt. Your partner would be absolutely brutal to you, and the next day, maybe even the next hour, act like nothing ever happened. He or she seemed to be proud of you, and then did nothing but criticize you.

You finally figured out that something was wrong — he or she was disordered — and you ended the involvement. And then you started to second-guess yourself — what if you made a mistake?

There are reasons why you feel so conflicted, and I’ve helped hundreds of people find validation and clarity … Read more

The answer: Why psychopaths do what they do

Arnold Schwarzenegger in "Terminator."

Arnold Schwarzenegger in “Terminator.”

Perhaps the biggest question asked by people who have been targeted by psychopaths is, “Why?”

1. Why did he work so hard to win me, proclaiming his love and promising a beautiful future together, and then suddenly dump me?

2. Why does she intentionally scare, upset, demean and embarrass her own children?

3. Why does he lie about stupid things, even when he’d be better off telling the truth?

4. Why doesn’t she care that she’s hurting me?

I’m sure you have your own list of “why?” questions.

We try to make sense of the psychopath’s unfathomable behavior. We look for explanations that we can understand: Perhaps he was abused or felt abandoned as … Read more

Cognitive dissonance: Vicky Cilliers can’t accept that her husband tried to kill her by tampering with her parachute

Victoria and Emile Cilliers.

Emile Cilliers, a British army sergeant, was convicted last week of attempting to kill his wife, Vicky.

The two were avid skydivers, and in April 2015, he tampered with her parachute before a jump. She fell 4,000 feet, but miraculously survived.

Earlier in the week, Emile Cilliers damaged gas fittings in their home. If the gas had exploded, it would have killed Vicky and their two children.

But even though the court found him guilty, Vicky Cilliers can’t believe her husband was capable of murder. Read this story:

‘I still can’t believe he tried to murder me’: Tearful wife of Lothario army sergeant refuses to accept his conviction for cutting her parachute, says she Read more

Sociopaths keep changing their demands, keeping you in turmoil

When you’re dealing with sociopaths, figuring out what they really want is nearly impossible. Why? Because they keep changing what they want.

When my ex-husband, James Montgomery, moved into my house, I agreed to convert my basement, which I used as a small gym, into an office for him. I put away my gym equipment. I hired builders to install more electric outlets to run his array of computers, televisions and business equipment, which required enclosing the lower part of the walls. Making the improvements, and installing a small bathroom downstairs, cost me $6,000. (He promised to pay me back, but of course he never did.

When Montgomery first moved into the office, he was delighted.

When we … Read more

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