Joyce Alexander

Comparing our losses to the losses of others

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

One of the things I have heard from victims of psychopaths here at Lovefraud, seemingly over and over, is that people compare their losses to my losses and Donna’s losses and Dr. Liane Leedom’s losses, etc. and think that their losses don’t “count” because they haven’t lost X, Y, or Z and we did. They seem to think that because I lost a child, or Liane lost her medical practice, or Donna lost a quarter of a million dollars, that they are not entitled to feel as injured as we were/are.

The people expressing this somehow seem to have “survivor’s guilt” about feeling so devastated when their losses were somehow “less.” Or they … Read more

The Red Flags of dysfunction

Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

After reading Donna’s newest book on the 10 Red Flags of spotting psychopaths, I got to thinking that there are Red Flags in our own lives that we should also take notice of and avoid.

When we first start the “journey toward healing,” and I do think it is a journey, not a destination, we have to learn the things about ourselves that we need to change in order to live a healthy life, one free of psychopaths and other abusers. Our journey started out in learning the behavior of the psychopaths and abusers so we could spot these people who will not change their bad behavior, but it ends up being learning about … Read more

BOOK REVIEW: Red Flags of Love Fraud by Donna Andersen

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

I’ve been eagerly awaiting the release of this book, Red Flags of Love Fraud 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath, and I was not disappointed at all. Donna Andersen, the owner of the website, received her “credentials” in dealing with sociopaths (psychopaths) when she married James Montgomery, a full-fledged con man. At the time Donna “enrolled” in this course in the University of Hard Knocks, she was totally unaware that this charming and charismatic man she had married was indeed a sociopath. He conned her out of more than $200,000 during the short course of their marriage, had numerous affairs, and actually fathered a child with another woman during their marriage.… Read more

Knowledge is power

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

If you are not willing to learn,
No one can help you.
If you are determined to learn,
No one can stop you.

A friend shared that saying with me today in an email and it made me think about what we say here at Lovefraud when we encourage a new poster to read and learn about psychopaths, to arm themselves with knowledge: “Knowledge is power.”

Knowledge is a powerful tool in our lives. If we have no education, we are powerless, as we see in people who have dropped out of school illiterate. We encourage our children to do the best they can in school, to go on to higher education, so … Read more

Don’t quit in the middle of the lesson

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

Someone posted one of those “signs” on my Facebook page today that everyone forwards and shares, which I call “one-sentence wisdom or humor” but this one struck me as suburb wisdom.

The past is where you learned the lesson.

The future is where you apply it.

Don’t quit in the middle.

We have all had the misfortune to learn our lessons the “hard way” in associating with a psychopath (or two), but actually I think “misfortune” may be the wrong word, because learning things “the hard way” means that we will not forget those lessons. “The burned hand never forgets the fire” is another way to say it. Maybe we have actually been … Read more

Background noise and background pain

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

Sometimes my parrot will come up with a sound or a word and we will wonder “where in the heck did he come up with that!?”

We noticed a few years ago that he would make a “Whooooosh” sound when anyone opened the door either to go in or out. He did it consistently, so we knew he had associated the door opening with the sound, but we couldn’t figure out who would make that sound often enough that he had picked it up. Then one day my husband came in the house and it was very hot outside and when he came in he made that “Whoooosh” sound as he hit the … Read more

When hope becomes malignant

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

What is hope? The word “hope” means a kind of “expectation of obtainment” and an emotional state of optimism, a trusting that what we want is going to come true. Here is how Wikipedia defines hope:

Hope is the emotional state, the opposite of which is despair, which promotes the belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one’s life. It is the “feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best” or the act of “look[ing] forward to with desire and reasonable confidence” or “feel[ing] that something desired may happen”. Other definitions are “to cherish a desire with anticipation”; “to desire

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The Wisdom of Solomon

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

We have recently been discussing on Lovefraud the judicial system that is supposed to protect our children from abuse, even from abuse by their parents, who are supposed to love and protect them. The case of Josh Powell murdering his sons has brought this topic not only to the headlines, but to the front of our own thinking about psychopathic parents.

Of course, not all parents are loving, protective parents, as proven by Josh Powell’s recent murder of his two sons in a dramatic fashion, after possibly murdering their mother. There was ample evidence, I think, that Josh was violence prone, starting when he attacked his mother with a knife when he was … Read more

Red Flags in the news again

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

Last week I wrote an article about the captain of the sunken Italian ship who said he “fell into a life boat by accident” and that was why he got off the ship very early, not waiting for the rescue efforts. It also turned out this married man was with his lover and was drunk at the time the ship was steered, on his command, closer than normal to an island so he could show it off to the residents and his friends there, crashing it into known rocks.

Even after the ship had hit the rocks and was stuck, he denied to the company and potential rescuers that anything other than an … Read more

When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

I guess I am making a “confession” here of being a wimp, or maybe an enabler, for the majority of my life. But when people would ask me for a “favor,” I would almost always do it, even if it meant that I had to cancel plans of my own that I would much rather have done. In other words, by saying “yes” to my friends and family, I was saying “no” to myself.

Shopping on Mondays

After my husband died I cared for my stepfather during his long battle with cancer. In fact, I cancelled my “life” and my own grieving for my husband to voluntarily be there for him. I wantedRead more

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