Joyce Alexander

Happiness: How do we know when we have found it?

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

We frequently talk on Lovefraud about finding healing and being “happy” again. We discuss the words “forgiveness” and other emotionally charged words that have individual meanings and try to come to some conclusion that we have a definition of these words for ourselves.

I got to thinking about the meaning of “happiness,” and how I will know when I have reached it. What is happiness to me? For me?

After my husband died, there was a period of time when in my profound sadness and grief, that I thought “happiness” could be found in finding another mate and husband. I went seeking that “happiness,” and instead of a life mate and loving relationship … Read more

Is the cruise ship captain a psychopath? I think so, and here’s why

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

The Italian cruise ship Costa Concordia wrecked a few days ago and early reports said that it had hit some rocks. Quickly though, reports came out that the captain, Francesco Schettino, had driven the ship closer than normal to those rocks on the way out of port in order to show off the ship to the residents. An article from the New York Times gives more details.

More bodies found on ship, as transcripts reveal rebuke to captain

Interviews from some of the over 4,020 passengers of the liner stated in news reports that it was “like the Titanic.”

Only shortly after the shipwreck it was determined that the captain had left the … Read more

Mending boundary fences requires the right tools

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

I get most of my mail at a PO box and only a few things come to my rural mailbox, which sits on the road at the end of my driveway. A few days ago I checked the mailbox, and there were several Christmas cards ”¦ including one from an EX-friend.

We had reconnected a few years ago. He was an old college chum, a guy that I had palled around with when I was in my first couple of years of nursing school. He is also a nurse, now retired. We had a lot of the same interests then and still do, so since he had recently moved to this area, we … Read more

Abuse is abuse – it is not okay

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

When I read the news sometimes I just want to cry. It seems the news is filled with hate, prejudice, evil and just plain mean stuff!

The following article about a young man who was “hazed” to death in a college band and beaten so badly that his muscles were destroyed, made me just have to stop and “take a breath” before I could continue to read such a sad story.

Expert: Autopsy of Florida A&M drum major shows badly beaten muscles

An entire group of college age young adults who would inflict such punishment on a fellow band member, a person they probably called a “friend,” is beyond belief to me. This … Read more

Pruning the dead wood from the trees of our lives

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)

I live in the woods, and what passes for a “yard” (I can’t possibly call it a “lawn” with so little grass!) is pretty much in deep shade most of the summer due to the tall trees. Because of the deeply wooded environment, I’ve had to make a choice to have either trees or grass, but not both. I chose the trees.

Many of the trees are different varieties of oak, some of which tend to shed the lower limbs as they grow taller and the lower limbs receive less sunlight. This self pruning of the trees benefits them by taking the limited resources of nutrients from the ground and moisture from the … Read more

“Beware the tyranny of the weak”

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)

I’m a sucker for “one line philosophies,” and sometimes I hear a new one that makes me perk up my ears and start to ponder on the phrase. Thus the quotes around today’s title.

The person who told me this, and said that she had heard it from her mother, I later came to believe is a psychopath. At the very least, she was incredibly demanding toward me, but all in the name of being “helpless” and therefore entitled to my help or entitled to doing it her way, entitled to inconvenience everyone else for her immediate gratification.

Of course she never shouted at me to get her way, but was very soft … Read more

The consequences of stress

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

One of the things I studied in school was the findings of researchers on the effects of stress in our lives. Two researchers who have become the “gold standard” with their attempts to quantify stress and some of the effects on our lives (sickness and accidents) are Holmes and Rahe, who developed the Holmes and Rahe stress scale. According to Wikipedia:

In 1967, psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe examined the medical records of over 5,000 medical patients as a way to determine whether stressful events might cause illnesses. Patients were asked to tally a list of 43 life events based on a relative score. A positive correlation of 0.118 was found

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Bringing up our children, the hope of the world

Editor’s note: Lovefraud honors and respects all spiritual traditions. This article refers to teachings of Christianity.

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)

Recently there have been horrible and depressing videos and news stories about parents who are “supposedly” upright citizens but are abusers of their children. Even a professional person like Judge William Adams was seen on video severely beating and cursing his 16-year-old daughter. In addition, there have been in my own acquaintance a minister with children who was caught in a pedophile pornographic sting by the police as he was sending pictures of his “junk” to what he thought was a 14-year-old girl, who thank goodness, was a 40-year-old deputy sheriff.

This sort of news, along with … Read more

Steve Jobs – a remarkable man taken down and his life cut short by a “psychopath”

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)

I was reading an article about Steve Jobs’ new biography that came out this past week, and some of the stories about his life. There is no doubt in my mind that Steve Jobs was one of the smartest and most savvy guys in the Twentieth Century. The inventions that he fostered or personally thought of have changed our society and our culture, and remarkably changed the communication field. An amazing man!

You may have read the title of this article and are already wondering how Steve Jobs was killed by a “psychopath.” Jobs died of the terminal stages of pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed with this very serious form of cancer. Apparently, … Read more

Appeasement–an impossible goal with psychopaths

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)

The term appeasement is commonly understood to refer to a diplomatic policy aimed at avoiding war by making concessions to another power. Historian Paul Kennedy defines it as “the policy of settling international quarrels by admitting and satisfying grievances through rational negotiation and compromise, thereby avoiding the resort to an armed conflict which would be expensive, bloody, and possibly dangerous”¦

The word “appeasement” has been used as a synonym for weakness and even cowardice since the 1930s, and it is still used in that sense to denounce policies and behaviors that conflict with firm, often armed, action in international relations.

From Wikipedia

I have a little dog that was rescued from an abusive … Read more

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