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Joyce Alexander

BOOK REVIEW: Cold-Blooded Kindness

Reviewed by Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

Cold-Blooded Kindness: Neuroquirks of a Codependent Killer, or Just Give Me a Shot at Loving You, Dear, and Other Reflections on Helping That Hurts is the tongue-in-cheek title of this book by Barbara Oakley, with a foreword by David Sloan Wilson. It belies the serious research and investigation done by this remarkable, highly educated and acclaimed woman.

Oakley is associate professor of engineering at Oakland University in Michigan, and her work focuses mainly on the complex relationship between neurocircuitry and social behavior. The list of her varied experiences reads like fiction ”¦ she worked for several years as a Russian language translator on Soviet fishing trawlers in the Bearing Sea during the … Read more

Culture or Psychopathy?

Editor’s note: The author is well-known to all Lovefraud readers as “Ox Drover.”

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)

I read an article today that made me start to think about psychopathic behavior in groups of people. About groups of people without empathy, without altruistic thinking.

Looters hamper rescue efforts in tornado-ravaged Alabama

Most of us here in the U.S. have read many stories about the horrible damage done in Japan by both the earthquake and the resulting tsunami which washed over the land, killing tens of thousands, and devastating a large thickly-populated area. We’ve read where people’s life savings, stocks and bonds, and cash were found many miles from their homes and returned to them by the finders … Read more

The Lovefraud reader “Ox Drover” on Aftermath Radio today

Lovefraud’s very own “Ox Drover” will be on Aftermath Radio today, interviewed by Dr. Robert Schug. Dr. Schug is assistant professor of criminal justice and forensic psychology at the California State University at Long Beach. He is on the board of the Aftermath Surviving Psychopathy organization, which operates an online forum for victims of psychopaths.

The show is hosted on KBeach, the Internet radio station of California State University at Long Beach. The show airs from 7 to 8 p.m. EST. To listen on the Internet, go to KBeach radio, click the Listen Live button, and select either Windows or Mac. And if you do, you’ll find out who “Ox Drover” really is!

KBeach radio

This is … Read more

Might does not make right

By Ox Drover

Sometimes former victims of psychopaths have voiced to me that they just want others to know that the psychopath was not the victim, but the abuser. Former victims are frustrated that others don’t recognize someone is an abuser. Many times the actual victim has instead been painted by the real abuser as the “bad guy.”

I remember reading a letter from my psychopathic son from his prison cell who told me in the letter he knew that I had to be the one who was “wrong” because he got along with everyone in the family circle and I got along with no one, so therefore I had to be the one “in the wrong.”

Well, … Read more

If someone is violent, they are capable of worse

By Ox Drover

Recently on Lovefraud there have been several people who have talked about how their ex-significant others have been violent, and yet they still have strong feelings for these (mostly) men. The readers find it difficult to go “no contact” and refuse to listen to the pleas of these guys to get back with them.

Statistics show that more women are hurt or murdered at the time that they are breaking up with someone who has formerly been violent than at any other time. Breaking up with someone who is physically violent can be dangerous. Staying with someone who has proven they are physically dangerous and capable of violence is more dangerous.

Here are stories about … Read more

Once we know what they are–we must maintain No Contact

By Ox Drover

One of the themes that seems to run throughout the stories of many of, if not most of, the people who have had experiences with psychopaths is that we have either had repeated episodes of being abused by the same psychopath, even after we saw their dishonesty, or had episodes of being sucked into the webs of multiple psychopaths. Or, we have both of these—multiple episodes with multiple psychopaths.

Most of the people I have known who were formerly victims of psychopaths are not stupid. In fact, some of the smartest, most accomplished people I know are former victims, and have been repeatedly victimized by one psychopath after finding out that this person was dishonest … Read more

Being a “judgmental person” is more than okay–it is wise

By Ox Drover

Many people think of the term “judging others” in a negative way. I think a lot of this comes from the Biblical admonition found in which Jesus said,  “Do not judge, or you too will be judged” (Matthew 7:1). Matthew 7:2-5 says, “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” What Jesus was condemning here was hypocritical, self-righteous judgments of others.

I frequently hear others say, “Well, I’m not judging him ”¦” when they talk about how someone they know has done something that is less than morally upright. When I was a young person in this community of … Read more

BOOK REVIEWS: Looking at love and fraud from both sides

By Ox Drover

I just finished reading the dueling autobiographies of the disgraced former governor of New Jersey, James E. McGreevey, and his ex-wife, Dino Matos McGreevey. His book is called The Confession and hers is called Silent Partner.

Former Governor McGreevey, as you may remember, publicly announced in 2004 that he was resigning as governor of New Jersey because he was being blackmailed by a former homosexual lover. As he pronounced to the world that he was a “gay American,” as he styled himself, his then-wife, Dina Matos McGreevey, stood beside him with a stricken deer-in-the-head-lights look.

Many times we get a book from one or the other of two aggrieved parties that surface in the … Read more

How to Eat an Entire Cow in Ten Minutes

By Ox Drover

If I told you that you had to eat an entire cow, do you think you could do it? How about if I told you that you had to eat an entire cow in only ten minutes? Do you think you could do it? “Holy cow! I can’t do that!” you might say.

Well, I think we all have our personal “cows” that we try to eat. Big jobs or big projects that we look at and say “Noooooo way, I can’t eat all of that!” So having seen this particular “cow” as too big to swallow in one bite, we never even attempt to eat it. We just let it sit there in … Read more

Becoming aware of our strengths

By Ox Drover

I got to thinking today about being stronger now than I was prior to the last experience with the psychopaths in my life ”¦ but when I really got to thinking about it, I realized I have actually always been as strong as I am now, I just didn’t know it or take advantage of it.

One of the reasons that humans are able to work horses, mules and oxen to pull heavy loads is because the beasts we use for our labor do not realize their strength. They don’t realize the absolute brute force power they have over us. We “control” them because they allow it.

Why do they allow it? The answer … Read more

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