Joyce Alexander

BOOK REVIEW: A Mind of Its Own

By Ox Drover

I recently read A Mind of Its Own—How Your Brain Distorts and Deceives, by Cordelia Fine, Ph.D. Dr. Fine was awarded a degree in experimental psychology from Oxford University, an M.Phil. in criminology from Cambridge University, and a Ph.D. in psychology from University College in London. She is currently a research associate at the Centre for Applied Philosophy and Public Ethics at the University of Melbourne in Australia.

This book is very entertaining and as the book jacket says,

In recent years, we’ve heard a lot about the extraordinary workings of our hundred-billion-celled brain: its amazing capacities to regulate sensation, perception, thinking, and feeling, its ability to shape all experience and define our identity.

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BOOK REVIEW: The 48 Laws of Power


By Ox Drover

Many times on Lovefraud, bloggers have joked with me that a particular phrase or behavior “came out of the ”˜Psychopath’s play book,’“ the kind of book in which a football team would write all their usual plays.

I recently bought a book entitled, The 48 Laws of Power, by Robert Greene, because it sounded like an interesting book. But the more I got into it, I realized that the heretofore-thought-mythical “Psychopathic Play book” does exist, and this is it!

Robert Greene, by the way, also wrote The Art of Seduction.

Here’s what the jacket blurb on the back of The 48 Laws of Power says about its content:

The best-selling book for

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Denial is a protective device

By Ox Drover

Someone was talking about how she should have seen what her ex-significant other was up to with all of his sweet words. He was in prison, and telling her how he had changed and found the light and how wonderful things would be when he got out. She knew what he had done to get in there, the bad acts he had committed, but she chose to believe his “sincere remorse.” Now she wanted to know why she had been so stupid.

She wasn’t “stupid—”she was using denial to protect herself from something so painful the thought of it “scared her to death.”

Years ago, when I was married the first time, my husband and … Read more

1001 Things I Did Wrong In Dealing with a Psychopath

By Ox Drover

After reading Steve Becker’s article yesterday, I commented that most of the articles here on Lovefraud that could be entitled “1001 Things I Did Wrong in Dealing with a Psychopath” were the ones that applied most to my own dealings with them.

That was meant as a joke, but after I left that comment for Steve, I got to thinking about how right-on it was, joke or not, because I have done so much wrong in dealing with these people. I got my self deeper and deeper into trouble, doing the wrong things in interacting with them. Not that I was intentionally doing something mean or “wrong” per se, but I didn’t make choices that … Read more

Traveling the distance

By Ox Drover

I got to thinking the other day about how our strength and ability to carry an emotional load of “stress” is sort of like a long-distance walk or ride or race. People who travel in various long distance endurance races, or just for their own purposes, have to limit the amount of weight that they carry. Some people who do long distances on foot even cut the handle off their toothbrushes to reduce the load they have to carry by even a fraction of an ounce.

If I had to carry a five pound sack of flour to our local post office, which is about three miles away from my farm, up and down several … Read more

Don’t call it a diet–call it a lifestyle change

By Ox Drover

I slipped into an unhealthy lifestyle after my husband died six years ago. Slowly I let things deteriorate until I had gained a significant amount of weight, about 10 pounds a year. I started to feel bad and wasn’t really sure just why, but in the back of my mind I knew I had ignored the “red flags” of that needle on my scale creeping up. I had been in “denial” with, “Oh, it’s just a couple of pounds.”

Many times I have realized that my life has been “out of whack” just a little bit at a time, that I have been doing unhealthy things that didn’t immediately impact my life dramatically, but just … Read more

Psychopaths as “snake oil salesmen”

By Ox Drover

The other night my son and  I went to a rodeo with a a couple who are our friends to watch another friend ride in the rodeo roping contest.

My friend is currently somewhat “down in her back” and will be going to a neurosurgeon for treatment this coming week. When we got up to go to the concession stand she asked me to go over and talk to this man who was selling some “pain relief patches.” She wondered if they would help.

We walked toward the man’s stand, where he had a sophisticated electronic display up and pamphlets to hand out. He immediately started his spiel and he started with the bouncing four-month … Read more

First impressions are important–especially from the psychopath’s point of view

Front and back of the shackBy Ox Drover

Someone recently forwarded to me one of those funny e-mails that we almost all get on a daily basis. This particular one was from a site called “” and showed a photograph of a pretentious front entrance to a house from the front, and then showed the same house from the side, revealing what lay behind that pretentious entrance façade.

I laughed of course, but then I had an “ah ha” moment, when I realized that that is just exactly how the psychopaths present themselves to victims. The façade they present with “love bombing” to impress the victim with what a wonderful person they are—how could they not be “wonderful,” because they recognize just how … Read more

Gasoline and Fire Psychopathic Relationships and Last Minute Redemption

By Ox Drover

Most of us know that when you combine gasoline and fire there is not only a larger fire, but an explosive one. Our here in the boondocks we have occasion to burn brush piles or even trash sometimes and anyone except some pure idiot knows you never use gasoline as an accelerant for burning anything, you use diesel. Diesel fuel is more akin to what they call fuel oil up north and they fuel their household heaters with it.  It ignites slowly without a lot of vapor and burns steadily, not causing an explosion.

Gasoline on the other hand, starts to vaporize as soon as it is poured out and when you strike a match … Read more

On Being Someone Other

By Ox Drover

Yet Being Someone Other is the title of one of my favorite books and sometimes I think that title applies to me as well, at least since I recognized the post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that has become such a part of my life these last six years. Now I’m “someone other” than who I used to be. I’m not the same person at all. I no longer think like that other person did, that FIRST ME as it were. The NOW ME is different.

This was a very disturbing thing for quite some time as I had to get used to things being gone that I had depended on previously. I had to make … Read more

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