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Court says woman exaggerates her daughters’ illnesses

Terri Cerda claimed that her daughters were so sick that any exposure to germs could bring on a fatal illness. The ABC reality show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition bought her story and built the family a new home. A judge calls Cerda’s behavior “obsessive and unjustifiable.”

Read ‘Extreme Makeover’ family in Oregon finds mother under under ‘medical child abuse’ scrutiny on OregonLive.com.

Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.


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WOAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I admit I don’t want the news much here, but holy crap that’s in my STATE!

LL

This is kind of like what my spath did to me.
He was poisoning me and he’d go to the hospital with me when the pain got too bad. He would tell his friends how bad he felt for me because I was so sick.

My back and neck were in constant pain, they were rigid all the time. He later admitted that he was giving me small amounts of strychnine and botulism toxin. Adjusting the doses, having fun.

I would beg him to rub my neck and shoulders, he refused. I bought one of those shiatsu massage chairs and would sit in it for so long that I actually rubbed the skin off my back, but at least the pain was lessened while I was in it.

Fucker.

2 years free of him and his poisons as of today. Thank God.

I caught mine putting a sleeping tablet in my tea. I justified it in my head that he was only trying to help – WTF!!!

I was an insomniac and didn’t want to go down the road of taking tablets – I used to be a nurse and know they eventually stop working, so you end up still insomniac but also addicted. He wouldn’t stop putting presssure on me to take them till I gave in, and that is exactly what happened!

I’m 2 yrs with him out of my life and sleep like a baby – no tablets! 🙂

Isn’t it remarkable how so many of our symptoms are magically cured the minute they walk out the door? Well, maybe not the minute….and there is fall out that has to be dealt with, but, you can sleep, and I’m not crazy…LOL. 🙂

There have been several cases of people pretending to have cancer, or be pregnant with triplets, and so on in order to get a pity party pay out….and looks like this woman was among them.

I hope that she is prosecuted for fraud, but I doubt it…..I have actually wondered how some of these people would pay the upkeep on these elaborate homes, much less the property taxes and the income taxes that they would have to pay for the windfall “gift”—-I wish the show would donate more houses to organizations rather than to just individual families. Oh, well, it isn’t really charity it is pity party television.

The father of the girls is obviously a dupe to the nut job mother. I’m not sure if she is a munchenhausen by proxy or just what her diagnosis would be but whatever it is, she is a SICK PUPPY and those kids do not need to be with her, or with him as long as he is a dupe to that woman. She need to be prosecuted for fraud.

Yes, it is amazing how we recover from many stress induced illnesses and other things when we get away from the psychopaths. They keep the stress at a very high level and the stress has a very negative effect on both mind and body.

I feel really badly for these children, they don’t have a chance.

Kimmie, nope, you are NOT crazy!

Yeah! 🙂

My ME/Chronic fatigue is hugely better too. Not quite leaping about like a spring lamb but close!

Dancing around celebrating!!!

Ox Drover,

You said, “They keep the stress at a very high level and the stress has a very negative effect on both mind and body.” Do spaths experience the stress (or are they oblivious to it?) and why do they not put an end to it? It is very true about stress that spaths produce, being unimaginable, constant.

Bluejay,

The very nature of the way psychopaths treat their victims, the on again “I love you” then the lies and betrayals, and then the “oh, but I love you so much” the ups and the downs, getting people to trust you again. Our insecurity in the relationship…like the he loves me? he loves me not? thing keeps our stress hormones on a high level, as for them being effected by the high stress, I think it is they LOVE IT, they crave it….does it adversely effect them? I think so. I THINK I remember reading some study somewhere that their lives are on average shorter than normal people’s but that could take into consideration a lot of things, like many of them are drug addicts, criminals who get hurt and killed, don’t get good medical care, get murdered, etc. so not sure if it is JUST the stress hormones that shorten their lives.

The stress hormones, the continual baths of them, and then the once in a while BIG DOSES, actually change our immune systems, so that it does not work as well (this has been proven in many many studies starting with Hans Selye’s studies…) so we become ill more often with infections than people who are not so stressed out….I got 4 life threatening infections in a short period of time after my husband’s death (BIG dose) and had been under continual high stress for several years (my step father’s cancer, my egg donor’s surgeries, my P son’s carp etc)

Then the CONTINUAL BIG DOSE after I had to run from my home to keep hhidden so the Trojan Horse couldn’t kill me. I was as “crazy as a sheet house rat”—-I was NUTS! I got sick physically.

Holmes and Rhae did a study of stress (you can google them and find the stress scale and measure yourself on it) about how people who have a certain number of “life event” points in a 3 year period are much more likely to get sick or have an accident. (when you are stressed you are not as careful and are more likely to have an accident because you are distracted) 300 points (as they rate things) is enough to make you “highly stressed” in a 3 year period…I had like 3,500 points in less time than that. LOL

Stress is serious business when it is continual. The hormones that are protective if we have to run from a tiger and give us the strength to get away and fight or flee LONG TERM though do damage to us, our mind and our bodies.

It takes time to lower the level of the hormones and time for the body to somewhat recover (I’m not sure the body ever recovers entirely) I know though that keeping CHANGES at a minimum does help to lower stress. Keeping worrying and DRAMA at a minimum is important too.

Winning the lotto and becoming fabulously wealthy all of a sudden is also a big stress….getting mugged by a P and all your worldly possessions taken away is also a big stress, so “stress” can be either positive or negative, but the hormones are the same, so keep that in mind when you plan your life. Spreading out changes so they don’t all occur at once helps, and avoiding DRAMA QUEENS, and especially avoiding BEING a drama queen.

We can’t control how people around us react or act, but we CAN control how we act and react to lower the impact of the stress on OUR LIVES. We can’t change a situation, we can only change how we react and respond to it by our attitude toward the results.

I think the psychopaths and many narcissists as well get “hooked” on the adrenaline rush of the risk taking and the manipulative behavior that they do…it is a “high” and I think my son has that for a DRUG OF CHOICE….just like compulsive gamblers, they get the same rush win or lose, it is the RISK that excites them.

The emotional highs and lows become sort of addictive, and we can become, as Oxy says, crazier than an out-house rat. It takes a while to recover from the confusion. In our desire to control what is happening to us, we go from one extreme to another. Or we try to figure everything out by becoming obsessive about it. In that state, it’s very difficult, if not impossible to make a good decision. We don’t know how to fix it, or what to do, and worrying about it, makes us crazier and crazier.
In AA they tell you not to make any important decisions for at least a year.

My sponsers used to tell me to let go, and let God. They would remind me that my desire to control things was a big part of my problem, and I wasn’t gonna be the one to fix the situation, anyway…it was gonna be God, but God couldn’t do it, if I didn’t get out of his way. This is surrender, and acceptance, and faith….and with time, it works…at least, it works for me.

Do spath’s experience stress? I don’t think they experience it the same way we do. In my experience, spath’s just stir the shit and leave the mess with you.
Mine never seemed to worry about much of anything. Homelessness didn’t phase him. Incarceration wasn’t something that worried him much. He couldn’t care less if the electricity was about to be turned off. It was gonna be okay if he didn’t have a dime in his pocket. So, any concern that he DIDN’T have was taken on by me.
He loved to get two or more people embroiled in some kind of dispute, and then he’d leave, and they’d be unaware that he just manipulated the whole scenario. I watched him do that over and over again.

Good points kim, the “Let’s you and him fight” is a great sheet stirrer for sure.

Oh my, yeah… stress… in 2 years time I couldn’t keep up with the rate of my hair growing greyer and greyer. I’m still a mahogny redhead, but I’ve got grey starting at the sides, the front and all over the scalp. And it’s the first year I feel I have to recolor shampoo my hair once every 2 months. It did feel like I went through the stressiest 2 years of my life. Add to the fact I had to work in 3 different schools last year, had to teach so many subjects (math, physics, economics) for the first time…It was crazy! And then the money worries. I never ever worried about my credit or money. I’ve had a year where I had as much in a month as the wellfare minimum, but was never stressed about it. Heck I was even still able to enjoying to have a tea with a piece of pie in the day pub. But I pinched on everything for myself, and the money just went “poof”. At least I went on the breaks from October when it came to spending for him. And I didn’t feel guilty about it anymore either.

If I think about the stress… no I don’t want to go there anymore.

Ox Drover and kim frederick,

I just went and had my hair cut – a good pick-me upper. You’ve answered my question about spaths and stress, thanking you for that, plus your advice about how to keep stress to a minimum is helpful.

darwinsmom,

I have short, short dark brown hair, keeping some grey in it, having been told by my hair stylists that it looks good. I don’t know if the unbearable stress (which I have had a good deal of in the past, trying to keep it down in the present day) made me grayer or just the aging process.

Well, one thing is for sure STRESS AGES YOUR BODY! The summer of chaos (2007) when I got that Rocky mountain spotted fever, I got weaker and weaker and didn’t even realize I was sick until I could hardly stand up. I went to the doctor and he did a blood test for the fever, found it and treated it, but also he thought I had something else terribly wrong, a cancer or something because I had that “sick with a hidden cancer” look about me—skin almost “green” and unhealthy looking. He had me tested from stem to stern ($25,000 worth of tests) and sent to every specialist in the world it seemed, and I came back okay on all of them, but I have NO DOUBT IT WAS THE HIGH LEVEL OF STRESS, lack of sleeping right or well, the continual crying and fear, hyper vigilance and so on. Actually I still “look my age” (wrinkles etc from sun damage to my skin) but I don’t look “sick” any more. My face has a pink glow about it in spite of the age spots from the sun damage etc. and I am no longer “green” and tired looking.

I sleep well now, am not chronically scared all the time, not jumpy every time I hear a vehicle, not cranky all the time either, not irritated all the time, and feel peaceful.

I know I may not be able to stay here in my home forever, if P son gets out of prison I may have to leave, but even if I do have to leave, I can ACCEPT that and it is NO LONGER FEELING LIKE THE END OF THE WORLD if that happens.

So my ATTITUDE about things and stuff has changed. I’m going to enjoy my lovely home and yard and farm as long as I can but if I have to move else where for my safety, then I will….NO BIG DEAL. A place, a house, a piece of land is NOT the end all be-all of the world or even of my life. I can move 30 miles away and still be “lost” to the P son finding me, just like I was when I was at the lake in the RV…and I’ve got the RV so have a way to head out ON A MOMENT’S NOTICE if I have to….even if I don’t have the money to buy another place right away, at least we will have a roof over our head that is OURS and I actually enjoyed living in the RV as there is NO housework to keep up.

BlueJay,
regarding spaths and stress. I have several examples from my 25 years in hell, which I will present here and you can make of it what you like.

My spath didn’t seem to have any fear. He was basically fearless and taught himself to fly a helicopter. He did have an incident scuba diving once, where he almost drowned. It was his first attempt and he said he’d never do it again. But then, I don’t know if that was all just an act. His friend was a diver and “rescued” him. But with spaths, you can never tell..

Then there was the period of time when he said he had panic/anxiety and couldn’t ride the ferry boat or any public transportation where he was not in control. But he was flying experiemental aircraft during that time… so…perhaps it was all about control?

After about a year, he said he got control of it and went around preaching to others about it. He told me that I had it too. I really didn’t think I had it, so what was that about? Planting a seed?

(In retrospect, now I know that I had PTSD and hypervigilence and insomnia, but was not aware of it then.)

Once I gave him an amino acid that I was also taking for energy, L-phenylalanine. Personally I can’t take more than 1/2 cup of coffee a day, but this amino was only slightly effective on me. Yet, spath had a cow and started screaming that I had poisoned him. Truth was, it probably had a slight effect on him and then, because he actually WAS poisoning me, his paranoia got the best of him. LOL!

I’ve posted the story before about putting some homeopathic calming mints in the car and he saw me eating them, so he grabbed a bunch and chowed on them. After a few minutes, he said, “what are those?”
I replied, “mints”
he asked, “what’s in them? are they supposed to do something?”
I said, “yeah, make you feel less stressed, why? do you feel anything?”
His answer, “yeah, I feel less stressed. I don’t like it.”

He was a complete hypochondriac and once projected that onto his mother, who REALLY did have diabetes and a heart condition. He was always testing his blood sugar.

For a few years, early on, he had very bad acid reflux and thought he was going to die of cancer. It scared him so much that he wrote a letter to God, asking for help and confessing his wickedness. I posted that letter here on LF.

He learned to control the acid reflux with tums and bicarbonate and pepto bismol, but it has always been with him.

Later, I learned that severe and chronic stomach acid is the result of repressed rage. Figures.

Anyway, based on all this, I would say that spaths repress all emotions and those emotions pop up as physical sensations all over their bodies. They are acutely aware of these sensations and that’s why they are always whining like babies about being sick and having cancer and doing the pity ploy.

I can’t begin to imagine what it would be like to hide your real self your entire life. All your emotions would have to be repressed, shoved into a false mask, each day. No wonder they feel that oppressive boredom that threatens to suffocate them. And no wonder sometimes they just POP! and go on a killing spree and nobody understands how such a nice guy could have done that.

So to your question, IMO, they have a lot of stress, but they just can’t feel it. Instead, they feel all kinds of physical sensations which they can’t make sense of. Poor spaths.. NOT!

My ex wanted a massage at least once a day, and most of all my special personal scalp massage where I’d softly but strongly pull at the hair. Hmmm, yes, that seems very much linked to stress. Maybe also why they are so fond of weed, plus it has the advantage that even if you’re quiet and at home and not seeking excitement, there’s at least something going on in your mind. And he was often sick as well… headache, fever… I used to think it might have been drug related, or hangover… but your explanation seems very plausible yeah

skylar,

The spath gets uncomfortable (ill-at-ease at times about his drama rama), but usually seems cool, calm, and collected. He doesn’t seem to have many health issues – when he does have something, he downplays it. Years ago, I discovered a black spot on his back. That made me nervous. We went to a dermatologist, finding out that it was a melanoma, stage 1. He was treated and went back for body checks, having more spots taken off over the years. He doesn’t get emotional about his own health issues.

Oh my ex was always commenting on not wanting any sweet tasting food. His father (bless him) had diabetes from old age.

http://www.ktnv.com/story/14657917/allegations-that-vegas-extreme-makeover-home-edition-family-may

This is interesting, this article says the family is back in Las Vegas and the mother is back with the “doctors” there…..so not sure that much was accomplished in Oregon. Poor kids.

BlueJay,
did your ex-P ever do the pity ploy? if so, what was his ploy?

When you say he is ill-at-ease about his drama, I’m not sure I understand.

Skylar,

I have observed him in situations where he appears to be uncomfortable, ill-at-ease, but he’ll carry on. Years ago, he was a partner in a successful, growing lawn care business (it has done well, being one of the bigger lawn care services in our area). During his years growing his former business, he stirred up troubles (craziness) among the employees, grumbling about his partners (their attitude toward the employees), doing things that would create problems for himself. At the time, I thought he was normal, and after hearing his version of events, I would side with him, feeling sorry for him. Today, I think that his sociopathy caused him to stir up unnecessary troubles. Since he craved admiration (my opinion), he branched out on his own, started his own lawn care business, and tried to become super boss, providing his employees with whatever they desired. He was like a sugar daddy to his employees, trying to please everyone, just for the need to feel like he was the greatest boss (feed his ego), my take on this fiasco. As everything unfolded, I learned what he was really like (I know, it seems unbelievable), the pathological lying becoming apparent to me, stealing from our joint bank account, etc., the list goes on. Meanwhile, I was falling apart emotionally, being in disbelief over my hellish experiences. The wake-up call (coming out of denial, I guess) happened while he was a solo business owner, finding out more disturbing information about him from his family members, getting this news after we had separated (while married to him, they were quiet about his past misdeeds). I learned that he wasn’t the kind of person that I thought he was, a solid, relatively honest human being. I had to admit the truth to myself – it’s still hard, being rather teed off with his siblings (the one’s who knew about his actual character), allowing me to get involved with him, saying nothing to warn me. I would have been spared a boat load of troubles if someone had talked to me, given me some facts about his past behavior. What I would say is that my life experiences have taught me much about people in general, having learned more than I ever wanted to know.

Sky ~ HAPPY 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!! Spath and poison-free that is wonderful!! Big ((((HUGS))))

Thanks Hope!
not being poisoned anymore is really something to be grateful for. I’m starting to believe that maybe he chose to poison me because I seemed to glow with health and he was envious. I had sooo much energy and one day I was walking down the street with him, holding on to his arm and soooo happy I could barely contain myself (I was 18) , that I said, “people should dance down the street, not walk. Don’t you think?”
“no. ” was his answer.
Ironically, the reason I was so happy was because I was so in love with him. So he decided to poison me I guess.

Bluejay, I was just wondering about whether he did the pity ploy because often they will ask for help when they don’t need it as part of the con – right before they hit you on the head with a hammer.

skylar,

He caused me to come apart each time he lied to me, stole from me, etc., causing me to live in craziness, getting totally worn down by his upsetting behaviors, also some of the consequences of his actions devastated me. I am thankful that we made it out, but unfortunately we’re scarred.

Blue Jay,
my question was more about, what were the the behaviors he exhibited just prior to the hammer landing on your head.

My experience is that they will use a pity ploy OR they will make you feel really great (for example with great sex).
The pity ploy is also a way to make you feel great, because when you extend a hand to help others, it usually makes you feel pretty good about yourself. We all like to help when we can. So just as you’re feeling really great because you were the good samaratin or just had an amazing experience in bed with him, they wack you with a hammer. They do something so unbelievably mean to you that you think you must be imagining it.

I think this is the behavior of the true sociopath.

skylar,

I was remembering different experiences over the years, being hurt by many of them. Okay, at one point in time, when I was working for him, I figured that I would be paid for my services. I worked full-time at my job, then I would put in hours, doing office work for the spath. When I made it clear to the spath that I expected to be paid for all of my time and effort, he made some crazy statement, like, “see, this is why we don’t work well together.” In the days ahead, he proceeded to move his office to another location (it was in our home), hired another woman to do the work, and never paid me a dime. Somehow, I deserved this treatment, in his sick mind. I have zilch memories of him doing something amazingly nice for me, then hammering me in the head. He just used me – I naively was helpful, caring, loving, etc. because that’s what a wife would do, overlooking his crummy behavior. Just thinking about the past and what I endured saddens and upsets me. I once told him that he would be upset if anyone treated his mother or sisters the way he treated me – his response was, “well, they don’t talk to me the way you do” (in his thinking, disrespectfully), justifying his mistreatment of me. Over time, I realized that he is a rotten person. Some things that were done by him (and I can assure you that they were bad, criminal), I am just not comfortable sharing about. Like your spath, he seems to be fearless – he’s reckless, irresponsible, having done things that could have landed him in jail.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

Sky – ‘Anyway, based on all this, I would say that spaths repress all emotions and those emotions pop up as physical sensations all over their bodies. ‘ are u suggesting that they don’t know how to ‘use their words’. 😉

Bluejay,
AHAAAA!
it was the pity ploy. You felt good doing all the responsible things that wives do and you expected to receive a reward in addition to the “pride in a job well done”. You expected appreciation at the very least, but some gratitude in the form of $$$ would have been most fair.

But he had a hammer ready for your head, instead.

See? This is why I think we need a spread sheet or some other database to CATEOGORIZE the behavior. Because, each story is different but they all BOIL DOWN to the same BASIC ploys. Learning to categorize the behaviors, immediately would be ideal, but since we are left reeling with disbelief and the WTF? moment, we need some kind of reference sheet. LOL!

Even if you weren’t LITERALLY hit on the head, the way Ted Bundy’s victims were (he would ask them to carry his books while pretending he had a broken leg and wearing a cast and crutches), you were left in a similar mind numbing shock, because you were being kind and were rewarded with utter contempt for your trouble. You WERE feeling good and happy about your efforts, that’s why he allowed you to do it (in part), just so he could slam you for feeling good.
That’s the sign of a spath.

One Joy,
you cracked me up. Yep, it’s the infant rearing it’s ugly head again. But spaths aren’t the only ones who do it. People do too. – did I just say that? LOL! People…. hahahaha!
Ok, now I’m laughing so much I lost my train of thought…
ROTFLMAO!

I was trying to say, that repressed emotions are bad all around, it’s just that by definition, spaths have to wear their mask to be a predator. LOL!

Skylar

That’s an interesting obervation, how the SPATH builds you up to tear you down.

You must have had a smart spath, if you think he let you “help” him to make you feel good, then whacked you to put you in line.

Mine did the same thing, but for a different reason. I don’t think my SPATH could think beyond his dick. I can’t imagine him even IMAGINING how I feel. He could only think in terms of himself.

“I need you” then “go away” then “I want you” then “go away”. It was all about him and his own navel gazing.

He couldn’t understand somebody else for shit.

Superkid

one/joy_step_at_a_time

Sky – oh crap just lost a long post to you. i hate this new browser. ef.

you cracked me up with the ‘people’ remark. i call adults ‘humans’ inside me head – as opposed to undergrad students. i call them miscreants. interesting internal convos over here.

so, interseting conversation with a group of business men last night: crime/ jail/ diversion/ evil/ spaths/ death penalty.

they called me a conservative by then end of the discussion (equiv. to a republican in your land). i said hell no, i want the social programs, i want the diversion, i want better education (instead of more jails), i want …blah blah…i just want all the spaths killed.

i got into a debate with this one guy who has an evil shit style of debate. the last time we talked about something we had differing views on i was shocked by how it was in fact a debate and a very unfair one – divert and destroy was his mo. he chewed me up and spit me out. i was shocked by his behavor.

well, told him to shut up no less that three times last night 🙂 bully. effer. and that he had an odd debate style – that he should stick to the point and not try to divert and destroy, if in fact he wanted to debate.

smile. order another beer.

SK,
they don’t “understand” you logically, they understand you the way an infant understands its mommy.
They aren’t using the thinking part of their brains when they first learn to do this, it’s just a matter of feeding their need for drama and they figure out pretty quick how to push your buttons to get their drama fix, but mostly they haven’t rationalized what they are doing or why.

But my spath WAS cognizant of what he did and why. He actually explained it to me. It’s strange because I didn’t think he was perceptive at all. And mostly he was not. But after 55 years of being the way he was, he realized he wasn’t like others and prided himself on his ability to manipulate and he did analyze his techniques. In a moment of sociopathic tell, when he was trying to fool me about another matter, he used a kernal of truth to anchor his lies. That kernal of truth was, “I’ll take revenge for what they did to me. I’ll make them suffer. But first I like to bring them up and make them really happy, so that when they suffer, they have further to fall.”
He continued this line of thought with another interesting tell,
“I know just how I’ll make them happy too. Because they’re evil, they become happy when they see other people suffering, so I’ll get some pictures of Auchwitz concentration camp victims and send those to them, because I know that’s what makes them happy.”

Can you believe this? And STILL I didn’t get it. But it was only a couple months later, that I did.

http://bigthink.com/michaelstone#!video_idea_id=21774

I’m watching this right now. Very interesting.

Interesting exchange… I can’t think of particular instances of the pity ploy, but for me it often was him arranging somthing romantic or being all lovey dovey over me for helping him out, but then disappear behind my back.

The predominant feeling I have today is “Dammit, I am human with feelings, and as an aftermath of the whole relationship (middle and end), I don’t feel as if you ever recognized me as someone with feelings.” I guess that is how the total pity ploy makes you feel, as if you were some cardboard puppet without regard of your humanity.

From the comments I read, I must note that once we realize that they are bad at interrelating because of their lack of empathy, to not make the assumption that they are also bad at intrarelating with themselves. Intrarelating (self-analyses and self-knowledge and self-honesty) is not the same as interrelating.

darwinsmom,

You hit it on the nail. I feel as if my feelings don’t matter, realizing that the spath is incapable of recognizing them (due to his sociopathy), but still it hurts. Spaths can’t think beyond themselves, truly seeing things from another’s perspective.

I think the hammer fell on my head instead of the nail 😉 I’ve been having a splitting migraine headache for hours. Hardly ever get headaches, but this one is just horrible. I tried to sleep it away, but this time the dreams were not making me feel as if I’m progressing at all.

I have to agree, not being poisoned anymore is a plus! But the biggest plus is living past the point where I am walking wounded.

What worries me about the Cerdas is that it happened here in Oregon. I trust Doerenbechers, but our children’s health care is a total scandal. I was actually relieved to see the kids are out of here. Hopefully this will be resolved to their best interest. While CA is more expensive than Oregon, there are few jobs here. Also, Lake Oswego is the snobby area, makes me wonder what part they lived in.

Lets see, botox moms, a sociopathic unregistered pedophile on Hoarders and now this. Oh yeah, looooove those reality shows. And I don’t even watch TV!

I heard a few people above talking about insomnia and hypervigilance….I have been a terrible insomniac for about the same amount of time I’ve been married (and had this spath step daughter dumped in my lap) …I could just never turn my brain off….I was always sleeping with one eye open. She would get up a lot at night and roam around the house…(slithering actually) and it always creeped me out so bad..she would NEVER sleep….and when she did I used to look at her and something about her face would look so strange to me..at the time (this has been 30 years ago now) I had no knowledge of sociopaths or that children could be so weird..but I just could not figure out why she just made my skin crawl. She actually looked dead, there was just nothing there..And even now that she has been grown, married with kids of her own….I still feel as if she is still in this house roaming around at night….she only lives about 3 miles from me, and we are civil to each other most of the time….but it all fake….do you ever get over that feeling? Her baby sister who is “normal” and now lives 900 miles away still feels like she is lurking around every corner…you know people who have never “lived it” have no idea how it affects your thoughts. I’m not sure if you can every really scrape them off you…it’s like an infection that is dormant but you know it could surface again. I try so hard to live a Christian life, and this really interferes with my head so bad..does anyone else have these conflicted feelings….I can’t stop trying to figure out her next move so that I can stay ahead of it. I too look 10 years older than my actual age. I really believe it is from all the stress and decades of little sleep, always anxious, always dreading…ALWAYS DREADING……..

creampuff,
I have that – since birth, I think. My mom said I stopped napping at 1 year old. No daytime naps for me. Your brain never stops being aware of the danger. But at least it does make me extra aware! (trying to look on the bright side)

If your Christian faith and your knowledge of truth are conflicting, then one of them is wrong. Cog Diss is the result, you have to fix it before it causes more conflicts in your value system and your energy levels.

creampuff:

It sounds like PTSD to me. Spaths tend to need very little sleep; sounds like your stepdaughter was a classic case.

If it has been over 30 years and she is not in your house, it really does sound like PTSD to me. But that is just my opinion.

Is she still causing trouble for you? You said that you are civil most of the time.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

creampuff – i think both sky and and eb92 have given you some good feedback.

if you are trying ‘so hard to live a Christian life’, you are trying too hard. We have to take care of ourselves and sometimes our ideas about what living a spiritual life can actually interfere with that.

have you had any treatment for PTSD? I am not a big fan of cognitive behavior therapy but it might be helpful to challenge your persisting fear at night.

i am sorry that you are living in such fear. i don’t know what contact you need to have with your step daughter – she is an adult now, can you cut her free?

Dear Creampuff

I agree with the above assessments it sounds like PTSD to me as well. I also think that some therapy would be in order….and possibly an assessment by a mental health professional (not just your family doctor) for medication as well….

In the past you have also indicated that you and your husband have some difficulties as well, and that he is not really supportive of you about this step daughter.

I have lived in an “armed camp” in my life and I don’t want to do it again….protecting myself and taking care of myself has become the biggest focus of my life and it has made a world of difference in how I feel. Take care of yourself, Creampuff! (((hugs))))

Oxy,
can a 1-year old have PTSD?

Thanks All…..I never thought it could be that….that’s why I love this blog….I will look in to that…..I think I am just nuts right now because she is in the middle of one of her “plots”..I know this will be long and probably boring but I’m going to type it out anyway as an example of how she works….about 6 months ago her mother in law (she and I are friendly) told me that she found out they were moving 1200 miles away come this summer.(he is a Marine)..she had no idea the evil daughter in law had not told us yet so all these months I have kept this to myself. I figured spath would tell her Daddy on her terms….I was trying to stay out of it. They have 2 little daughters and I knew it was going to be so traumatic for my husband when he did find out..Well, I had a very strong suspiscion that she was up to something…I had actually written down what I thought she was going to do and I WAS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT ON !!! Months have gone by and she has not told her Daddy yet…..I knew she was not going to actually move…she dumps the kids on her mother in law every weekend so she can go party….she rarely works…..she is a user and a taker….there was no way she was going to move that far away and lose all her perks…she has not told her Daddy because there was NOTHING to tell..all these months she has let her mother in law and husband THINK she was going….but now at the last minute she is saying she doesn’t want to go because she doesn’t want to take the kids out of this nice private school they go to…she wont’ know anyone out there, she won’t have the babysitting help she has here…blah……..blah…..blah…..BUT she is so slick that she waited to drop this on the husband until the move was a done deal and with the military he HAS to go !!! With her or without her! She is going to stay here, use the mother in law (who she hates) for babysitting….draw the husband’s money…but for all intents and purposes will get to live the single life….she played the whole thing like a violin and she will get away with it ….it makes me furious that SHE gets to make the decision that will affect the kids for the rest of their life…why does she get the right to keep the kids from being with their father (who is a wonderful parent)..And to think she KNEW the whole time she wasn’t going, but she let her mother in law think she was going just to torture her about the grand girls moving so far away and boy has it worked…I have never witnessed in my life the lengths she will go to to cause misery for this woman. I want to climb a mountain and scream to the world everything I know about her…but I keep my mouth shut to keep peace in the family and in the meantime I’m the one who doubts my own sanity…..forgive my rant…..but it helps and I know you all will understand….trust me….I would give anything for NC but with the little kids involved it is just about impossible….and I won’t even get started on my bio spath…..!!!!! Whew….I’ll save that one for another day…..Love you guys….

creampuff:

Oohh, yeah, she is slick. She sounds extremely manipulative. I have no room in my life for that anymore and I feel for you big time that because of the children you can’t just ban her from your life! I wish you could just say “BE GONE!!!” The only advice I can give is to find a way, some way to deal with it. Whether that be meditating or exercise or whatever…any other avenue to get the frustrations out.

Dear Creampuff,

Yea, she effectively gets a DIVORCE but gets to keep- the money and perks of the married woman, and get rid of the man…..doesn’t even have to give him visiting with the kids. You wait, there will be a divorce in the offing before too long….she just got RID OF HER HUSBAND but doesn’t have to do a divorce.

You were totally right about what her motive was….

Of course she will ALSO get more pity from her MIL as a “single” parent. PUKE!!!!

Oh my girls …you are so right….when he is out of town or whatever for military reasons she plays the “single Mom” bit in Oscar worthy performances ! And we all know with the husband gone…who is she going to call everytime the toilet stops up, etc.??? You guessed it…..her Daddy!!! Thank you all so much for listening to me rant…..when I read my own post…I’m like….they are gonna think you are the crazy one !! One other time she pulled almost the same thing although he wasn’t that far away….he was paying for her to live in the nice house while he bought an old RV to live in. The weird thing is …..he is WAY better looking than her…is a sweetheart of a young man….was the only child to a warm, loving Christian family….They were all so close and she has effectively butchered the entire family unit….she not only sticks the knife in as deep as possible in her mother in law’s heart…..she TWISTS it….! I am just waiting to see how it will all unfold…..she doesn’t get in my way too much….she knows I know her too well….and she always tries to be very careful about blowing her cover in front of her Daddy…..one more little tid bit and then I’ll hush …..we were in the line of those terrible tornadoes that came from AL a few weeks back…and she called her Daddy that morning to tell him her power was out…well, he had to go to work so he told her what to do….well, she calls him back that next day and rips him a new one for not calling her back to check on her and the kids….that they were stuck down there all day without being able to do anything…..she really laid a guilt trip on him….a couple days later I find out that the kids were with the mother in law all day long safe and sound…..and the Spath was nowhere to be found….isn’t it amazing how they operate? She is 34 years old and she wants her Daddy to think she is a baby that needs to be rescued !!! I’m stopping now girls….thanks for listening…….does anyone out there want to vent to me now????? ….Puke is right Oxy !!!

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