By | May 12, 2011 31 Comments

‘Criminal Mischief’ in New York City on May 21, 22 and 24

Ellen Orchid, an actress and stand-up comic in New York City, had a run-in with a sociopathic tag team. She’s written a one-act play about her experience called Criminal Mischief, which will be performed at the Manhattan Repertory Theatre on May 21, 22 and 24.

The play is a courtroom drama with some comic moments. Here’s what Ellen says about it:

The play is autobiographical with only a few details omitted, changed, and some things added for humor and from my imagination. This play helped me get over a terrible experience with a married man who pretended to be divorced; and his wife played along.  He’d told me they were divorced for four years and that she lived “a few blocks away in the neighborhood.” Turns out she was living right upstairs—in the other apartment of the two-family house that they co-owned.  She made sure not to run into me when he brought me over to his apartment on the first floor. He told me he had a “tenant” who was “mostly not at home.”  He totally lied— for 11 months—and she was an accomplice.  I never saw her coming or going to the house; he must have told her when he’d be bringing me to over to stay overnight so she wouldn’t be there—and would be with her “friends”/boyfriends. I wish I could sue them.

Criminal Mischief will be performed at the Manhattan Repertory Theatre, 303 W. 42nd Street at 8th Avenue, on the third floor. It is located directly across from the Port Authority Bus Terminal. Show times are Saturday, May 21 at 9 p.m.; Sunday, May 22 at 5 p.m.; and Tuesday, May 24 at 9 p.m.

The show is part of a one-act play competition, and two other plays will be performed at the same time. Reservations are required, tickets are $20 and the phone number is 646-329-6588.

For more on the plays, visit the Manhattan Repertory Theatre website—scroll to the bottom. For more on the actress and author,



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Ox Drover

Wow, “welcome to our world, Ellen.”

Sounds like she was involved with a couple of psychopaths….one the primary abuser and the other a co-abuser, participant.

Wish I could go see this play, would be worth the time I think.

And I think my story is weird? LOL No matter how bizarre your story is there is always someone who can “top it”—ain’t that special? (The Church Lady from SNL)


hey, let’s all send tickets to our spaths!


This is a very strange episode, Donna. The most intriguing question is what was the wife getting out of it?

I mean, there’s nothing unusual, nor inexplicable, about the husband’s motive. Even though it’s deceptive and wrong, people pretending they’re single to facilitate carrying on an affair with someone is as old as the hills. But what motive would the wife have for helping her husband to do this?

I can only assume theirs was a “friendly separation”—well, the couple must still have been friendly for her to support her husband in this deception—and they just had reasons for not going through with a divorce yet. Or was theirs just the ultimate in “open” marriages?

On second thoughts, maybe the answer is simpler than that. Maybe the husband was doing his wife a favor of some kind—financially for instance—and she wanted to keep in his good books. It would be interesting to know if there were financial reasons why they hadn’t divorced.


This story is similar to mine just that i’m prettier than Ellen 😀
The wife, according to me, didn’t want a divorce and knew perfectly her husband was a promiscuous psychopath and that he had an apartment outside the family house and she knew perfectly her husband was an abnormal, a perverted and a full-blown psychopath.

I don’t understand these women. The wife of my psycho has her business, doesn’t need him but she tolerates being abused and any day she’ll get a sexual transmited desease but she enables him. Unbelievable but true.


It’s the natural drug coctail bond that probably has a hold on her. And instead of having him do it behind her back, and perhaps losing him (her drug) that way, she probably feels more it’s her own choice and therefore the illusion of control to keep her cognitive dissonant self together.

Twisted, but I can start to understand it now more. I bought my sleeze his weed for example, or I told him to be upfront to me about his weed use and buying in Nicaragua, and gave him the 20$ each day for his daily need. Same when going out. I decided what was to be spent (but including his spending) that night in a way that I was sure I’d have some for myself, and he wouldn’t bug me the whole time to go get more, and he wouldn’t be conning people. Though I knew it was not really according to my own way of living, or my own beliefs of what is healthy for someone and I did realize I was enabling him, I did it to get a sense of control back over my purse, if not really for my budget. It was a twisted compromise to give my mind a sense of peace, stability and control.


He even invented the story that she had a married lover in France, that they had no sex since two years ago, that it was him who wanted a divorce but that he neeeded time, etc. The truth is that she throw him from her house but he wanted to come back if he didn’t find any better deal.


knuckleheads…. pfffff


I think I can sort of get how something like that could happen. I’ve found myself having to be nice to the contaminant because of the money he owes me. If there’s any chance of getting it back (and I’m aware the chances are slim!), I have to play the long game. I feel as if I’m having to make a deal with the devil, being civil to him is the last thing I want to do!

Ox Drover

Dear lifegoeson,

Depends on how much money and how badly you need it. At some point you may decide it isn’t worth the emotional cost to “play nice” any more….there are some prices that are way too high to pay simply for money if you can survive without the money.

I’ve finally gotten to a point that it would take a tremendous amount of money and a short time and very little connection with them for me to even consider “playing the nice game” with the Ps and their dupes.

There is a story about a man talking to a woman at a swanky dinner party one night and he asked her “would you go to bed with me for a MILLION DOLLARS?” She thought about it a minute and said “Yea, I would.” Then he said “well would you go to bed with me for ONE DOLLAR?” She looked at him all offended and said “WHAT do you think I AM?” He replied “We’ve already established that, we are just haggling over price now.”

I’m not saying I don’t have a “price” but like the lady in the story it would have to be a pretty big one …..


Dear Oxy,

Lol! I see where you’re coming from and I’ve tried to talk myself into letting it go. However the money in question has an emotional attachment to me as well as financial.
The spath came into my life when I was at my lowest ebb – I know now this their modus operandi. Both my parents had died (I’m an only child), my best friend had died and my marriage had broken down. I’d moved away from my home of 23 years and was very alone. The money was the inheritance my lovely parents had left me (combined with compensation from a car accident) and was their life savings – not a fortune by some standards, but also the only money I’d ever had of my own.

I feel as if I’ve let them down by giving money to this man. Looking back I feel I should have been more careful with it and put it to good use. I really wanted to do something special and he convinced me he was going to build a house with it.


Oh, in total it was around £30,000 – nearly $50,000 – to me this is a lot of money. I only have documentation for £24,500 but anything would be a bonus! 🙂


lifegoeson – Ok, I feel ‘qualified’ to comment here. My husband passed away, I was vulnerable and Spath ‘cost’ me about the same – £20,000.

I looked at it like this…..what were the chances of me seeing ANY of my money? At first I thought – maybe. But I soon came to realise that the reality was NEVER.

It would have meant going through the court system and I would have to PROOVE he’d had it. I had no real evidence. He would have said that I’d willingly given it to him. So what was the point of putting myself through that?

I understand that this money was precious to you, from an emotional point of view, and yes it’s hard to let go. But sometimes the only way to WIN IS to let it go.

If your parents were around today I wonder what their advice would be if they knew how spaths work?

My advice to my kids would be let the money go and RUN as far and as fast as you can. My son was hooked up to a female spath and trying to get her to release her talons from him was a nightmare but, if it was my son or the (my) money, I would say ‘son get the hell out of it’.

I can understand that you feel that you owe it to your parents to fight for what is ‘right’ but fighting a spath is not a fair fight. Eventually after all your efforts, maybe court appearances etc, and just when you think you have him, he will disappear.

Spaths are not able to manage financial commitments. Even if he pays you for a while – it will not last – it can’t they are not capable of such a commitment either financially or emotionally.

I feel for you, I really do, and the choice is yours. All I’m saying is………sometimes there are more important things in life than money, like sanity and peace of mind:)


Thank you Candy,

I’m sorry you’ve had a tough time too. It must have been horrific to lose your husband, then be targeted by an unscrupulous shark who would do that to you. When you are grieving you are not thinking straight. I know if my parents were here they would gladly let it go to get him out of my life.

I do have proof in that he signed a contract with me, and my solicitor thinks I have a chance of getting it back – “don’t worry we’ll get the scumbag” but I don’t think she realises how scummy he really is! I realise a contract to them is not worth the paper it’s written on, but I cant help harbouring a grain of hope that it might work out in the end.

It’s funny how I can see it as clear as day when it’s happening to someone else, but when it’s me I can’t see the wood for the trees! The scales are beginning to fall from my eyes 🙂


lifegoeson – not sure if this will help – but one thing I did when my parents passed away ( I was only in my 20’s) was to buy a flowering cherry tree.

I chose it, dug the hole, planted it, fertilised it, watered it, cared for it.

That tree gave me sooooooo much pleasure. I watched it grow, blossom, saw the insects living on it, watched the leaves turn beautiful colours in the Autumn, saw as the leaves fell, wondered at the snow on it in the winter and the Robins perching on it.

That tree gave ME so much pleasure. And whenever I looked at it it reminded me of my parents and how the cycle of life goes on.

I have moved house a couple of time but it still gives me a warm fuzzy feeling just to think of it now. Although money is important, some of the smaller things in life are far more meaningful and rewarding to our hearts.


lifegoeson – You are right – spaths see an easy target.

Solicitors are in it for themselves (in my opinion) This may end up costing you, in terms of fees and heartache, and not achieve the result you are hoping for.

Step back, look at the overall picture, £20k is about a years wages to the ‘average’ person. Should it takes you more than a year to work and get this money back…….then you’ve lost.

Solicitors can drag things out for years and all that time spath will be renting room in your head and you will end up with a hefty bill at the end of it.

And yes, you are right about seeing it happen to others. I have wanted to SCREAM at people on here before now. But everyone has to ‘get it’ at their own pace, we can’t do it for them.

At least YOU ‘got out’ and your healing has begun.

Good luck:)


For me traveling is so important… When my cousin had her 30th birthday and I was invited by her husband for the party, I had to reply in mail, “Sorry, won’t be able to make it. Am in Guatemala right now. Will be in Honduras, by then.” When I travel my bed is a hammock wherever I can hang it, and my bathroom is the shared one, and my closet is my backpack.

When I came back from my 2 month backpacking and living conditions that summer, my mom told me about the gift my cousin’s husband had given her: a diamond ring. She looked at my face on purpose to see my response, which was, “How is that gonna do you good. It gets stolen or you lose it, or at least you fear for losing it. Nobody can steal my memories of the things I’ve seen or done, only mr Altzheimer can.”
That is basically my look at money.

However, in the relationship with sleeze I was much more money focused. That was mostly because if I’d let him, there would be nothing left for either us or myself to do something to enjoy life. And now I sometimes do not have enough to pay all the bills, and pay them a month later 🙁 That hurts me in my feelings of responsibility. And I want a child, and that is a big responsibility, and requires at least a healthy bank account.

But I can still get to travel!!!! I just work as a volunteer tourleader in my holidays: gets me a ticket + travel budget (and of the budget I get a lot of stuff free anyway), and we are even allowed to tourlead a country we’ve never been to ourselves. We just prepare ourselves very well, and trained in leading in unknown circumstances.

I’m so happy that in February I decided for myself that there was a big possibility that the sleeze wouldn’t get his papers done by summer, and because of the financial situation it would be totally irresponsible to buy my own tickets. I also felt that after 2 years of not tourleading and becoming a little bit wee too passive. So, I handed in a list of 5 destinations to tourlead. And the ones I put on top were not Nicaragua. I put them at the bottom, lol. I thought, if I’m gonna have to work, I might as well go someplace new. So, Peru it is 🙂



My parents and I were very close and I miss them badly. I’m a lot older than you were when you lost yours and it must have been awful for you to lose them at such a young age.

As luck would have it, I’m going to visit an elderly Uncle with my children today, and we’re stopping at a garden centre for lunch. I think it’s a good time to explore your suggestion! My Mum got a lot of pleasure from the garden, so I think a tree to nurture would be very appropriate.

Thank you! xxx


darwinsmom – Woweeeeeeeeeee – Peru. Brilliant. I so admire anyone who can pick up and go as you do. The diamond ring is a good analogy. There ARE more important things in life.

Memories (good ones) are the best and no one can take them from us.

We are responsible, we want to pay our way and yes it sucks when we can’t.

I’m so pleased for you that you are living the dream. Truly an inspiration to us all.


You are right about solicitors. I’m already 2k down and no results! Time to quit while I’m ahead(?) 🙂

Got to go – wet hair and people waiting.

Thanks for the advice I appreciate it! xxx


Talking about those memories… I think it might be very helpful to think of good travel memories whenever sleeze memories pop up into my brain.

My mom used to say when we had to put a cat to sleep that every time an image of the sad or horrific end would jump up in my brain, I instead had to force myself to think of a happy image about the cat.

Of course I can’t do that with sleeze boy, because the happy memories with him are the ones already programmed in my brain to remain bonded to him. And I have to totally break the neurological dopamine wiring with him.

I was in part doing that already, by thinking of a good love that I have memories of. I’m dreaming a lot even about this past love. Which I like, because it pushes sleeze boy more and more out of my brain, day and night. When asleep or fantasising. The fantasies are safe, because I know and have long accepted it’s pure fantasy that will never be reality. But at least the guy is worthy of remembering, dreaming and fantasising.

But eventually I’ll have to stop using the surrogate past love, and so I can use the memories of the time I went whale watching and a whale put his nose into my outstretched palm, or when I marveled at a sea turtle coming ashore and laying her eggs (it was in the wild without tourist attraction… just me and another camper), or some of my jungle trips, or the joy of jumping the desert dunes in Morocco and then sleeping in a Berber tent of inside night temperature of 6°C with the covers over my face even so I would not wake because my nose was freezing off… Or the time I drove all the way down and up Baja California, and ended up at a campsite at a beach with a natural hot pool right beside the sea. And the people who were with me and I got into the natural hottub with candles in the dead of night, and when we jumped into the sea and swam the fluorescents would light up. And so much more. So many memories that only belong to myself, because I was alone or the people there were my travel mates only for a few days.

Nobody can steal them away from, noone can taint them. Often I wished I could make such memories with a good friend or a partner. But having so many good awesome memories for myself and myself alone, will be my mind saviour now I think.

And so this summer I’ll be making new memories of stuff in Peru to add. Then I won’t just have memories of before the sleeze, but also after the sleeze.


darwinsmom – ‘Then I won’t just have memories of before the sleeze, but also after the sleeze.’

Take your dreams (and your fantasy past love) and wrap them around you like a comfort blanket. Such vivid memories…. and they are all YOURS.

Peru sounds like the beginnings of a new chapter in your life. Live the dream Darwinsmom.

Ox Drover

Dear Lifegoeson,

I know the loss of those you love is tough…but at the same time, they are STILL WITH-IN US.

My husband and my stepfather are the two I miss the most, but I think about them now and sometimes I will ask myself “what would daddy do or what would hubby do in this situation?”

Daddy has even come to me in dreams and told me what he would have done…and you know it is funny, he WOULD have handled it that way and in the back of my brain I know him, so I know how he would have handled it.

Sometimes at night as I lie in bed reading my Bible, which was the one that belonged to my step dad who was a true Christian man, I feel his presence within me, the love that we shared, and how much he did value me, cared for me, and was proud of me.

So we have NOT LOST these people they are still with IN us if we open ourselves to those memories. That love.

Ox Drover


Interesting thinking about the memories, both good and bad.

In january of this year, because of her depression and her miserable marriage, my best girl friend of 30+ years and I had a separation….and I realize WHY she acted like she did, and though it hurts and I do miss her friendship, I still have 30 years of GOOD MEMORIES….with her. However, in another long term “close” “friendship” that I terminated a couple of years back…there are no good memories about it, because I realized that they (a couple) were using and abusing me all through the relationship and that there never was any mutuality in the relationship- it was all parasitic on their part and furnishing blood on my part. So I do not have any “fond memories” about them, only the ones where I realized that they were bleeding me dry both financially and emotionally and that I was not setting appropriate boundaries —in their case—NO CONTACT.

I haven’t heard from my girlfriend in Texas since mid January when I left her home after her husband verbally attacked me, and she was snarky to me as well…but who knows, maybe some day she will gain enough strength to deal with him, his alcoholism and her own depression, but in the meantime I do have 30 years of great memories with her…she was the closest thing I ever had to a sister. My door is open to her, but not to her abuse of me.



your idea of the cherry tree is about the loveliest thing I have heard of in a long long time. So beautiful. Thank you…..


Oxy, I cut out some close friends in my life a few times, because they suddenly attempted to meddle in my life (I mean not just giving advice but acting in my life where it was not their responsibility), often from some feeling of gratitude for having been their support when they had needed it. I had given them one warning, but if it occurred again, I broke contact and went NC.

It was hard on them, because in many ways I had been their emotional support. Two of them though, after a couple of years, took the iniative again to see me again, not as intense as it used to be, but to reacquaint and update on each other’s lives. The two who did that, had grown and had learned and addmitted both that it took a while and they were at a loss first, but they understood by then why I had cut them off, and they both found that it actually had been a good thing, for them too.

One other, did not get even a second chance to try. She doesn’t look well at all whenever I bump into her. I don’t like it how she then talks to a friend of mine in the hope that I let her into my inner circle again. And I think, as long as she remains fearful and appears broken to say hello to me, then she has not grown yet, and she’s not even allowed into my medium friend or acquaintance circle.

So, I think that if your friend grows and learns truly, she will contact you again and make peace. It won’t ever be as intimate anymore, because you both moved on then.

Ox Drover

Dear DArwin’smom,

We have “been there” for each other on a very intimate basis for over 30 years….and even though we only lived close to each other for a few years at the start of the friendship we have visited back and forth across the US and spent time and intimacy with each other….but she grew up in a very dysfunctional situation and her husband who only recently retired….I didn’t realize how verbally abusive he was and he is also a drunk….now that he is retired, there is a LOT of friction between them and she is becoming more and more depressed and dysfunctional herself….her home has become a “hoarder’s lair” and she is very snarky and feels “judged” about it so even if you don’t judge her she assumes you do and responds to her own projection….I have tried to talk to her about it but she isn’t able to respond appropriately….She is not a bad person, just not handling a situation that is terrible in a way that isn’t going to work, and she is NOT going to confront her husband because if she did they would have to get a divorce and I think he is threatening that now….keeping her financially destitute and dependent on him…(she was a stay at home mom and wife with a son who was totally disabled) Her husband worked away from home mostly on heavy construction.

I have good memories of our relationship, and the times she has been there for me…those will never cease to be warm feelings for me. She was part of my family of intimacy….and I’ve been there for her…still would be, but it is HER PROBLEMS and though I can be supportive, I can’t fix it for her, she has to fix it for herself, take action for herself….or continue to live in the unhappy state she is in. My love and friendship for her is still there, but I can’t fix what ain’t my problem.

As for the x-buddy from college…(shrugging shoulders here) I don’t even care enough about my “friendship” with him to even bother worrying about it. He’s just one of those people I “usta know” and don’t care to now. I don’t hate him or anything, it is just mostly “don’t give a big rat’s hind end” about him one way or another, once I saw the silly greed in him, the willingness to project his own bad behavior on to me, and throw a temper tantrum over being called out on cheating me out of $56 bucks!…Well, that’s too petty for me to even bother with. I’ll be cordial if we meet at an auction again, say “hi,” and keep on walking, but not interested in a conversation with him.


Dear Oxy,

You are right, my lovely Mum and Dad are always in my heart. Thats’s partly while I feel such a numpty! I knew they wouldn’t like him if they met him, they were very sharp, and I’m sure they would have seen right through him. As it was, I overrode all those thoughts, and kept going down that destructive road. I will never understand why!

I’m staring to get it though, reading all the info on here, I’m starting to piece it all together, but have good days and bad days. In the beginning,did you feel as if you didn’t know who you were or what sort of person
you used to be? I feel as if iv changed so much I don’t know who I am
any more! Xxx


I like the idea of travelling it takes you away from all the bad stuff and gives you a new perspective. My daughter is going travelling in Europe next month and iv to meet her in Rome – can’t wait! Xxx


I didn’t have time to look at trees yesterday but am going to do it today 🙂

Ox Drover

Dear Lifegoes on,

Up thread where you were given some advice about “letting it go” (yes, I know you have a signed contract) about the money, collecting money from someone who is DETERMINED TO NOT PAY or just doesn’t have it any more,, who has spent it, hidden it, etc. is almost imposssible.

I’m not sure if you are in the US, but I do know from my years as a business person, that getting a “judgment” in court that “yes” they owe you the money is NOT THE SAME AS COLLECTING IT. The court does NOT collect it, they only tell him to pay you….if he ignores the court, 99% of the time that is just too bad for YOU…if you file a lien on some of his property, lilke say his house…he may owe more on it than it is worth so ONLY IF AND WHEN HE SELLS IT voluntarily can you “collect” some of the proceeds, but the mortgage holder gets theirs BEFORE you, so if there isn’t anything left you get nada. Ditto on a car, etc. ONLY if he has a job that you can garnish the wages do you have a chance but MANY OR MOST COMPANIES will fire someone whose wages are garnished, and there is a limit to how much you can get anyway to a SMALL percentage of the wages….YOU HAVE TO FIND the bank accounts if you want to put a lien on them, and with the privacy laws that is almost impossible….so on and on and on. That is not to discourage you, but just to let you know the truth of how HARD IT IS to get any money owed even with a judgment. ErinBrock, one of our bloggers here (doesn’t come here much now) made it her FULL TIME occupation to try to collect some debts and she has collected some but not very much….

I realize you are emotionally attached to that money since your parents gave it to you and you feel you “wasted” it and if they were alive they would be disappointed in how you lost it….I definitely can understand that FEELING…but at the same time….ask them in your mind what they would DO NOW in the situation, or what you to do….think hard about what their advice would be. Sometimes it is better to just walk away and forget about THINGS we have lost (and that includes money) and just start to rebuild.

My late husband was cheated out of his business by some con men in the 1970s….they raped the business and he went back to court and got the business back, but by the time he got it back they had bankrupted it and so all he got was a business name devoid of assets and bankrupt…in other words, he got NOTHING BACK…but he had spent 7 years and ALL his efforts and desire for JUSTICE, and he would have been much better off to have spent that same 7 years building a new business, because iin the end, he “spent good money after bad” To the day he died in 2004, he was still angry and bitter about what those men did. It wasn’t worth it to stay so angry about something. Fortunately he didn’t let it make him bitter about everything in life, but he sure wasted a lot of anger, bitterness and emotion on something that was just a DONE DEAL, a fact, not something he could fix. You may be in the same position….and having to pay an attorney besides…sending good money after bad (uncollectable)

Do hang on to your memories of your parents, you are fortunate to have them. Many of us don’t. (((hugs)))) and God bless.


Dear Oxy,

Thank you for sharing you and your husband’s experiences with me. Although I wouldn’t wish that sort of trouble on anyone, it’s good to know I’m not alone. It’s starting to sink in that pursuing it further is a hiding to nowhere. I’m in the UK and he’s already been made bankrupt and no joy from that – nothing of value to seize! Owes £300,000 to the bank. I think if he can con the bank out of that much money, I didn’t stand a chance!

I’ve made a conscious decision not to “throw good money after bad” but will be keeping a beady eye on him.

I realise how lucky I was to have such lovely and loving parents. It must be heartbreaking not only to not have that, but to have the people who should be looking out for you being actively destructive.

(((((((((((((((((hugs back))))))))))))))))) 🙂 xxx



I have the same thing with regards beign such a numpty. I didn’t totally hide there weren’t any issues about my ex when I informed my best friends and my parents and later introduced him to them. But I did not mention the stuff I was heavily in doubt about, knowing exactly what they would say. In a way I wanted to give him a fair chance, as well as acquiring outsider feedback of their impressions of him. My best friend is highly tuned in about people. And my mom is a retired social worker, supervisor trainer and teacher at the college for social workers. She’s warm, but very level headed. My best friend knew a bit more, and had growing doubts, though he felt I should just come to my own conclusions at my own time. My mom was shocked. She did think he might have been youngish for me at times and she (and my dad) were disturbed that he once asked my father not to tell me of the payment arrangement for his work he did at their house (it was their way of helping us out, without just handing me the money), as well as realizing that he could go deep when he had partied. But she too has a hard time to believe that there hadn’t been genuine feelings. Even today she told me of remembering that when they last saw him before he had to try and take his first plane he seemed genuinely down and sad about it (not over the top).

When she learned about all the cheating that had been going on, she was very disturbed by it. She was utterly shocked. She found it even more disturbing than when I told her about the “money miscounting” or his heavy partying. And she was horrified by my suspicion about the robbery on me. She knew it had happened, and how he had “helped”, but the other side is hard for her. She too puts a lot of questions behind the rape story of the woman that rented a room with him past December. As little by little I reveal more and more about the relationship though, she is convinced too that he has a personality disorder that will never get better. And in a very kind way she stresses it to me. She holds no blame for me. None. She says she’s proud of me that I have the courage to out myself as a victim. She told me that I couldn’t have been prepared for this, saying both my nature as well as my upbringing has been unsuspecting of people in that way.

She doesn’t ask how much of my present financial situation is due to him, nor presses me how bad it is (I had to lend money from them late November, because I couldn’t pay the bills, and each month I pay 100€ of it back to them), but I think she (and my dad) have a rough idea. She even told me she’ll sponsor the counseling for me.

Gosh, now I’m a puddle in tears again. I love them so much for the way they love me and care for me, and they wish me to be so happy. And while they had some question remarks, they saw me shine and be genuinely happy with him for a while, and liked him for it, believing me how I felt he was the first man in my life who was so caring WITHIN the relationship. Gosh, I wish this had never happened to me, or any of us.


Hi Darwinsmom,

It’s good that you have your parents to support you through this but I can guess you’re sad that they have to see the way it has affected you. I know mine would have had serious doubts about the the nut job who caused chaos in my life, but he totally got under the radar of my friends – he had them giggling like schoolgirls thinking he was a charmer! His behaviour just got worse and worse until I had to get him out of my life, but not before he had almost cleaned me out financially and emotionally. Mine did the same as yours – did things, and told people not to tell me.

From the beginning, I knew here was something about him that didn’t add up, but kept giving him the benefit of the doubt. Thank goodness we have this site to help us heal and hopefully stop us from making the same mistakes again!

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