Dangers of online dating

1. Worldwide, there are 1.8 billion Internet users. It is reasonable to assume that, as in the general population, 1% to 4% of them are sociopaths. That means there between 14 million and 72 million sociopaths online—all trolling for victims.

2. Sociopaths target lonely people. If you’re looking for a relationship online, you are advertising the fact that you’re lonely. You are setting yourself up to be exploited.

3. When filling out an online dating profile, you provide information about yourself and what you are looking for. Sociopaths take the information and pretend to be the person of your dreams. They use the information that you posted to seduce you.

4. Sociopaths typically register on multiple dating sites simultaneously. They keep baiting the hook until someone bites.

5. The Internet is anonymous. It is impossible to know for sure with whom you are corresponding. Some people post gorgeous photos in their profiles, which are actually photos of models stolen from elsewhere on the Internet.

6. Experts believe that 65% to 90% of human communication is nonverbal—facial expressions, gestures, body language, tone of voice. That means in communication via the web or e-mail, 65% to 90% of the meaning is missing. With so much information missing, people interpret a communication to mean what they want it to mean.

7. Because communicating over the Internet is anonymous, it creates a sense of safety. You feel like you can confess your hopes and dreams to a stranger.

8. Sociopaths say what their targets want to hear. Often, the sociopaths are lying. But humans can detect a lie only 53% of the time—the same as flipping a coin.

9. So here’s what happens when you look for romance online:

  • You provide information about yourself by filling out the dating profile.
  • You communicate with someone, but 65% to 90% of the meaning is missing.
  • You pour out your heart and soul, and it feels good.
  • The person responds, and you interpret everything to mean what you want it to mean.
  • You fall in love with your own fantasy.

Print out Lovefraud’s Dangers of Online Dating.

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Voices of support, rays of hope… Oxy, Henry, Buttons, thank you for your warm words. Henry, I remember reading of your journey here. I recall we were both put through the same kind of hell (“ordeal” is just not strong enough a word) at about the same time two years ago. There are others here that were also going through very similar raw phases of recovery at about the same time too. Donna, for her part, in addition to all she does at the site, acknowledged my struggle and posted a couple of letters I had shared with her. I had felt so very alone with the pain but with the effort I mustered to reach out and find help (and not be afraid to let go some of what was being kept inside of me), I found a way to go forward again in my life.

Each of the comments people shared with me after I reached out helped me to bear the weight of the emotional (and spiritual) crisis. But it was also many others before me (here at this site) that also helped me to open up and reach out for support and understanding. So I am also grateful to those others that had been sharing their personal stories and insights at the time I found this site. This is why it occurs to me to return here, to share a little of what I can with the idea that perhaps a bit of my story (especially the peace I have found after a long struggle) might help others too, just the way others helped me here at that critical time.

I read how kind souls are struggling just like I did two years ago when I was smack dab in the middle of the worst storm. It will be difficult to ever forget the kind of hypervigilance I went through, the many days and months of painful emotions and difficult realizations as I emerged from the abuse. But these are only memories now and the emotions are no longer attached to them. Lovefraud was my daily, (sometimes hourly!) therapy. It was a gift that was waiting to be found, and I grabbed it. So, as a personal testimony to those that might be in the midst of their own storms right now, the message I can offer is this… have faith. Be strong, fight to get your feet back on the ground, do what you need to to find support (it is here) and trust God (and the gift of a new awareness) to shelter you from evil, work with this Higher power within you to conquer the destruction that lays in the past. A new day is here.

Bless you all,


Bless you, PressEject, and thank GOD for Donna and!

There are P’s online and offline. For some reason churches seem to be a breeding ground for P’s – Maybe it’s the trusting environment or something, but that’s where my mom met her P ex-boyfriend. Nothing to do with religion, just that people in churches tend to be very trusting. Warning signs I’ve noticed in the online version:

-Claims to make a six-figure income(most people who actually do tend not to enjoy advertising it)
– Blatantly ignores your parameters(ex one probable P winked me twice – his profile said 38, his picture looked mid-forties, and my age range was 23-31 as I’m 25)
– Claims an education level or job inconsistent with their grammar

Beyond that, I would only use the online feature as a basic screen for whether I want to meet someone, not as a substitute for meeting them. Also, my motto: If you’re sure they’re P, you’ve been around them WAY too long. Get out while you’re still in the “Is this person P or just a lying manipulative jerk?” phase which can sometimes be determined in weeks but more often a few months. I seem to be a magnet for older men who I’m not into for some reason. I knew one who knew I was in a long distance relationship and wanted me to cheat with him. Was he P? Probably not, just an alcoholic womanizer. But I still didn’t want to date someone like him.

Ladies, be careful. My ex is out there on Plenty of Fish – Ray from Plainfield NJ. He is lying. A friend called him and he said he was divorced for 6 – 7 years (lie – it’s now 5) – he has never and will never be into internet porn (lie – he had/has his own profile and sends pictures all over the internet) – he is desperate for a new woman – his ex-wife is forcing him to sell the house they jointly own and his own job is in jeopardy – (he lied on the health check)….. BEWARE!!! He is charming in person. BEWARE. He cheated on his wife and he cheated on me (even though he will never admit that)….

Hi-I was reading the posts above from April and someone asked a question about sex addiction. My xspath is a sex addict/internet porn addict….seriously impacted out marriage, obviously!

But for anyone interested in learning more about sex addiction Patrick Carnes has written some good books. Hens mentioned Out of the Shadows, which is a great book. Patrick Carnes has a website called and there are links and a lot of info there as well. Just an fyi

I was married for nearly 18 years – and believed that my husband loved me, I believed he was faithful, and I believed we had a reasonably good marriage.

He persuaded me to take early retirement from my 30-year career as a college professor – he asked me to let him provide the gift of 5 years because he wanted to give me time to write because I had provided so much support for his “dream” career…. Why wouldn’t I believe him? He had me totally duped.

AFTER he persuaded me to take an early retirement from my 30-year career as a college professor,
AFTER I no longer had income…. AFTER I could not return to my tenured position… He THEN “”confessed” that he had sexually betrayed me since we were married – sexual affairs with hundreds of women….

He did not dupe me out of my career 5 years before my retirement fund was ready because he was afraid I would leave when I found out the truth about his betrayals…

He intentionally waited for years to set me up – he is a narcissist with sociopath trait for sadism – AND enjoys watching others hurt from pain he inflicts – One expert who worked with him helped me understand that he had acted on purpose and that he spent 3 months watching me prepare for end of career – secretly gloating that he had destroyed a professional woman — AND after 3 months, to get his next level of sadistic pleasure, he “confessed,” little by little, and then meticulously acted to financially terrorize me.


When I met him I was a single parent, and I shared eith him that my having financial autonomy, and my creating financial security for my retirement were top goals in my life.

After my income was gone, after he confessed that he had betrayed me all along, after he blocked me from all bank accounts, he then became increasingly sexually aggressive – sexually assaulting me. I was stuck in a nightmare – he was la different man…

I now understand that he was always this ugly, cruel man, but he had needed to keep me fooled because I was his cover, etc., etc., —
But, he had always intended to act out his vicious vengeance – to inflict total damage – stopped paying mortgage, he charged me eith bank fraud, he cut off all bank accounts, and he defamed me everywhere….

He also needed to totally destroy me to leave and be the victim…. To discredit me so that no one would believe me…

He had been “hooking up” online for years – He is a master of deceit…He plays victim to very successfully seduce women…and to manipulate everyone to feel sorry for the guy….

Everyone now believes that I am “unstable,” “too angry,” or “too traumatized,” although he “tried to provide all healing and counseling.” He played me and played me and played me until I was so confused and so traumatized I could no longer function.

Once I ended all contact, I was able to begin healing and returning to my stable, grounded, happy self…

BUT, I now see very clearly how brilliantly he manipulates everyone – I watched him manipulate 3 attorneys and a judge to “understand ” that I was mistaken about what happened the day he rammed his car into mine – while I sat frozen and terrified in the driver’s seat — that he was only backing up — and the judge then denied my request for an Order for Protection, although “he understood” I felt scared, I had no “reasonable reason to feel fear.”

WOW. I was STUNNED – and terrified. I also thought that if he could dupe ten therapists, two treatment centers, 3 attorneys, a judge, dozens of 12-Step sex addicts…that I would NEVER allow anyone to try to pathologize me for buying his lies. He plays best “nice guy” act, plays victim, and within minutes gets women to feel sooooo sorry for him… He quickly reads you and performs whatever persona will mirror you. Faster than you could ever imagine.

I would NEVER NEVER NEVER in a million years go on an online dating site and chat or meet any man hanging out there.

I now understand that my husband was drugging me, molesting me, taking photos, raping me…And I am convinced that he has been sexually assaulting dozens of women …

He goes on multiple sites – even now while he pretends commitment to his new target and is very involved in 12 Step Sex addiction community….
(Note: IF he was in “recovery” he would not be continuing to financially devastate me, would not be pretending that I “stole” his money, would not be using divorce process to harass me!) Once he had his next target hooked in, he launched legal attack, foreclosed house, filed divorce, filed restraining order to hide the truth.

I know he goes on “Senior meetup” and about 2-3 other “senior” dating sites; he uses “Plenty of Fish,” Pornhub, etc., His “user” names have been: french luver, french kiss, my new [email protected], free2bme, nowfree2bme – his name is Julien, sometimes uses middle name as first name: Joseph – He is a consultant, travels for projects. He usually claims he is divorced, often claims “no children,” but sometimes says adult children.

He is dangerous. He is a predator, a sex offender.

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