Dangers of online dating

1. Worldwide, there are 1.8 billion Internet users. It is reasonable to assume that, as in the general population, 1% to 4% of them are sociopaths. That means there between 14 million and 72 million sociopaths online—all trolling for victims.

2. Sociopaths target lonely people. If you’re looking for a relationship online, you are advertising the fact that you’re lonely. You are setting yourself up to be exploited.

3. When filling out an online dating profile, you provide information about yourself and what you are looking for. Sociopaths take the information and pretend to be the person of your dreams. They use the information that you posted to seduce you.

4. Sociopaths typically register on multiple dating sites simultaneously. They keep baiting the hook until someone bites.

5. The Internet is anonymous. It is impossible to know for sure with whom you are corresponding. Some people post gorgeous photos in their profiles, which are actually photos of models stolen from elsewhere on the Internet.

6. Experts believe that 65% to 90% of human communication is nonverbal—facial expressions, gestures, body language, tone of voice. That means in communication via the web or e-mail, 65% to 90% of the meaning is missing. With so much information missing, people interpret a communication to mean what they want it to mean.

7. Because communicating over the Internet is anonymous, it creates a sense of safety. You feel like you can confess your hopes and dreams to a stranger.

8. Sociopaths say what their targets want to hear. Often, the sociopaths are lying. But humans can detect a lie only 53% of the time—the same as flipping a coin.

9. So here’s what happens when you look for romance online:

  • You provide information about yourself by filling out the dating profile.
  • You communicate with someone, but 65% to 90% of the meaning is missing.
  • You pour out your heart and soul, and it feels good.
  • The person responds, and you interpret everything to mean what you want it to mean.
  • You fall in love with your own fantasy.

Print out Lovefraud’s Dangers of Online Dating.

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137 Comments on "Dangers of online dating"

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Dear Donna,

SO TRUE! As numerous visitors of LF can attest to this happening to them! Excellent article!

Found it interesting that the bulletpoints of number 9 are uncannily similar to what happens when you also (unknowingly) date a Sociopath in real life- unless you know the signs!

* You provide info about yourself by letting them in.
*You communicate with them, but 65 to 90 percent of their meaning is misssing
*Once trust is gained, you pour out your heart and soul
*When youre hooked, and the person responds in any manner, youre at risk for interpreting everything to mean what you want it to mean.
*You fall in love with your own fantasy

This is good to printout not only for Online Dating — but for Real Life Dating – and making sure you set boundaries, know the red flags, and stay away from the danger signs (words/actions) that they ultimately ALWAYS REVEAL – less noticeably ONLINE.

EXCELLENT article, Donna – thank you for this post. Too many people are relying upon technology to do their thinking for them, and this includes developing healthy relationships! Thanks, again.

Yeah, I’m thinking that the TESTIMONIALS should be posted somewhere… maybe I will put up a website for that!


i feel really torn when i see meeting people online written about in this way. there is wisdom and truth in it and it is also incredibly reductive and sensationalized.

People meet online in lots of ways, beyond dating websites, and are at great risk there also. I have also met some really normal ordinary and not scarey ‘dates’ online. now, i swim in a different pool – a vastly smaller one and one that generally isn’t inhabitated by half the species.

I have also made friends with people who i met online a decade ago – on a cat health forum – people i still connect with, who i have met and spent time with, all over the world. normal enough, every one of them.

all that said, you can’t see people, and you have no idea who they are or if they are even close to what they say – my case and jannine’s are examples. but, everyone who met their ppaths in 3D didn’t know what they were dealing with either – and were hurt and decieved also. It is harder to veify some of Matt’s ‘tions’ with people you meet online, but as Janine’s posts verify, it is also not so hard to check people out online with the info they give you. And i think that this is what we need to focus on. How to spot them and protect ourselves.

I have read alot about ppaths infiltrating forums and destroying communities, and individuals. We have those folks show up here, and show their faces. Some of them have been embraced whole heartedly. But I feel them, usually within the first line of the first post. I have a lot of expereince with the feeling that rises in me from my own situation, and i trust it explicitly. I feel no need to respect them, that is reserved for people who are repsectful of this space and of me. I also do not engage them. I will however prattle on about meanigless shite until the cows come home to bore them.

the internet IS a good tool for spaths. No doubt about it. and it gives me the willies being on lf sometimes, ’cause i know they are swimming around, inventing characters and seeing if they can f**k with us for a while. lf is a bit diff than other forums, becuase we all have experience of ppaths, but my ppath presented as a kind caring compassionate world weary gentle soul. it is possible to be duped anytime, anywhere.

love one step

Yes One, the person who isn’t here anymore was gentle, steady, professional, respectful, smart, charming, fun, and insghtful – he was ALL THAT. And a gentle soul.

I loved him as breath. I was hook line and sinker… WAS! The guy had it all and had he NOT lied, mighht still. But he couldn’t not lie. His choice. He knew better and he did it.

Now, I am left to pick up pieces. I am so glad I stuttered on the call where they wanted to know if he could come straight home from jail. The defense attny wasn’t going to tell me he was married, legally, to someone else. Wonder if that is an issue to take in front of the BAR Association???????????

Weird that I feel peaceful about letting go of him but I see RED when I deal with the system because it is so unjust and does so much to facilitate these guys….

how long ago was this call???
If he has an attorney….YOU CAN HAVE ATTORNEY SERVED as his representative.

The attny is out of it, she was his appointed defense for Federal Parole violation- she would not have handled it anyway -this is a civil matter.

She called me before I could talk to him and wanted to know if he could just trot home from jail and I said NO because I didn’t know there was a reason for him to be in jail and there were some marital issues to resolve around THAT!

Then, his parole got revoked. Its been three months since I filed for the anulment and they couldn’t serve him here and now he is out of state and I just wait and wait and wait.

I have to hire an attny to represent him after he is served so that he can be represented at the hearing.

But the clock for the hearing doesn’t happen until he is served.

I suspect he is manuevering every way he can to stay ahead fo being charged with bigamy. The more difficulty I have with ending the illegal marriage, the madder I get and the more incented I become to get a pit bull mad dog attorney and run him down HARD.

Silly as it sounds- if I could just end the nightmare, I’d go away and live my life. But with every delay, every screw up and every thwart of my rights, I become further incented to make him a HEADLINE STORY and a life’s work.

I can so relate…..this is how I got to ‘today’… the fighting sense…..
They will never just finish a chapter and move on…..and leave us to resolve…..
The more we have to put into what could seemingly be a simple situation….the more we think about the HEADLINES…..
and exposing the ‘bigger’ picture….

I didn’t mean his attorney could handle this case, but as his representative……he could take service of papers. Thats it.

I had the ex’s criminal attorn. served with civil docs as his ‘legal’ rep.
He wasn’t happy about it……but I blindsided him and he took it.

I’m not clear on WHY YOU have to hire representation for HIM on this or any matter?…..Is this a state law?
I was under the impression the courts were open for citizens, and attorney’s were NOT required, but a choice in civil matters, even criminal (in criminal they are offered)? this is confusing to me?

Keep your head up….you’ll get your star!


silver – i am not at all surprised that you are attracted to those qualities.

sending a little soothing balm…

The requirement is that he have representation at the hearing if he can’t be there- there is no money to provide it for civil cases and so if I don’t, I can’t get what I need. Its not a law, its a legal squeeze play.

There is no choice in the matter.

Thanks one. Its hard to trade what I once knew for a hardened bad guy I may well have reason to fear. Duped- that’s an understatement!

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