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Dangers of online dating

1. Worldwide, there are 1.8 billion Internet users. It is reasonable to assume that, as in the general population, 1% to 4% of them are sociopaths. That means there between 14 million and 72 million sociopaths online—all trolling for victims.

2. Sociopaths target lonely people. If you’re looking for a relationship online, you are advertising the fact that you’re lonely. You are setting yourself up to be exploited.

3. When filling out an online dating profile, you provide information about yourself and what you are looking for. Sociopaths take the information and pretend to be the person of your dreams. They use the information that you posted to seduce you.

4. Sociopaths typically register on multiple dating sites simultaneously. They keep baiting the hook until someone bites.

5. The Internet is anonymous. It is impossible to know for sure with whom you are corresponding. Some people post gorgeous photos in their profiles, which are actually photos of models stolen from elsewhere on the Internet.

6. Experts believe that 65% to 90% of human communication is nonverbal—facial expressions, gestures, body language, tone of voice. That means in communication via the web or e-mail, 65% to 90% of the meaning is missing. With so much information missing, people interpret a communication to mean what they want it to mean.

7. Because communicating over the Internet is anonymous, it creates a sense of safety. You feel like you can confess your hopes and dreams to a stranger.

8. Sociopaths say what their targets want to hear. Often, the sociopaths are lying. But humans can detect a lie only 53% of the time—the same as flipping a coin.

9. So here’s what happens when you look for romance online:

  • You provide information about yourself by filling out the dating profile.
  • You communicate with someone, but 65% to 90% of the meaning is missing.
  • You pour out your heart and soul, and it feels good.
  • The person responds, and you interpret everything to mean what you want it to mean.
  • You fall in love with your own fantasy.

Print out Lovefraud’s Dangers of Online Dating.


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137 Comments on "Dangers of online dating"

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Question : Is it reasonable to consider putting the S on a site like dontdatehimgirl.com if you don’t want to be connected whatsoever in anyway to the S.. should i be worried about being sued? I know this particular S is fishing for women on dating sites.. he actually googled his name and my name when I was involved.. like all proud that his came up clear.. I bet he constantly checks it to see if any of his victims have spoken.

Dancingnancies,
I’m so sorry you had to go through this! What a horrible way to be introduced into the dating world. I have a friend who contracted HPV on her first sexual experience when she was 20. She is now happily married and with children, so this does not have to be the end of your dating life. I don’t know about the liabilities of exposing him on the site you mention, but someone here will know.

You are right, when a guy pushes to have sex with you early and repeatedly, it is a big red flag. If a man really cares for you, he will take the time to let your relationship develop naturally. I think all of us here probably experienced the relationship with the sociopath becoming sexual right away. When dealing with men, the only thing you have to go on is your own comfort level. I know when a guy pushed me for sex too soon, I felt really uncomfortable. When you start ignoring your own feelings to give him what he wants, you are setting yourself up for trouble. Have been there so many times.

Hugs,
Star

Hi Dani S, thanks for your post. 🙂 Yes, I think we’re maybe on the same time zone. I wish there were more people about when I am.

Yes, we daughters of abusers/alcoholics are such easy prey for these spaths. It’s something to do with the part of the brain called the amygdala apparently. Stores all the fear and pain and gets activated again by abuse or neglect.

Thanks for your reassurance about the herpes. That’s good to hear. It’s a new challenge. I’m right off sex for now, but maybe one day. This is such a ‘post-rape’ trauma for me.

All the best to you too! Hope you’re okay.

I wonder if one_step saw my message of thanks. I would hate it to be lost as she was so helpful. If anyone sees her when I am offline would they thank her for me?

Dancingnancies, Thanks for the link. I spent about 3 hours reading related materials from that site. Really, really interestting….everybody should go there and take the lie detecting test, very enlightening. Thanks again.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

VERITY – you are very welcome. (I am not here consistently, and it may take me a few days to acknowledge posts).

take good care.
one step

Verity,
Could you let me know how you found out about your ex and his sex addiction? Was he constantly adjusting himself around women and especially teens? Did he masturbate many times a day and lie about it? I swear, sometimes, he has ants in his pants. Did he use chat lines? Lie about porn? Have weird sex practices in the bedroom? Dominance was a popular theme. Maybe these are too personal of questions and I don’t want to overstep by bounds, so any information that you could share would be helpful but please make sure you feel comfortable about it. I know you have been injured and I would hate to add to any recurring, intrusive thoughts. I have felt used for a long time in the bedroom, but counter intuitively, it was the only place I felt loved because that is when he actually paid attention to me.

I took husband to a sexual addiction specialist, he lied to him so there was no way I would be able to get him the help I believe he needs.

Hopeforjoy, he gave himself away every time he opened his mouth. He told me a lot and I know there is more. It was obvious when we had sex that he would have preferred to be either alone or with somebody else — maybe somebody he fantasised about. I think reality, real imperfect women, non-airbrushed women who want affection and closeness, is too much intimacy for a sex addict to handle.

I won’t go into detail but if you look up marriedtoasexaddict.com there is wonderful stuff written about sex addicts and how they behave. Read about the way they are in bed. I was hooked to being used and submissive. I played my part and actually encouraged my own punishment. It was because he brought back my child sexual abuse that I’d repressed. Well, not repressed entirely but hadn’t addressed. I’d simply pushed it so far down I was almost unaware of it but he dug it up and now I’m healing it.

It took two of us behaving in a sick way to make this thing happen. I was dysfunctional too. He used me, while telling me he loved me so very much, and it brought out the sickness in me. I am ashamed of my behaviour but I tell myself that it was because I had deep and huge issues that needed sorting out and I knew no better.

They lie. They lie when the truth would be easier. They lie to themselves.

Sex is at the core of our identities. And when it becomes a compulsion, it can unravel our lives. To those who want to understand sexual addiction or have been involved with someone who is, I recommend this book [Out of the Shadows] by Patrick Carnes,Ph.D.

While I totally agree about computer dating being dangerous, it has it’s advantages.

I’ve been reading Love Fraud for 3 years and counting. Not too long after I signed up on a dating site…very security concious, I was contacted by a guy who seemed to trigger some bells. I NEVER give these guys any personal information until we talk on line. This guy sent me a loooong romantic poem as an introduction, simply based on my very sketchy profile. Ding, Ding, Dingbat alarm went off. He was VERY well read, so am I. Intrigued, I sent back a fairly non generic answer. He ADORED me! Sent huge long emails, full of poetry. I sent back triggers. Gathered information. Quizzed him on contradicting points. He always had a glib answer. Checked where he said he was a professor. Nope, not there, although he might actually have been one somewhere. By day three, he is critizing me (his opinion on music or anything else is the ONLY RIGHT one!) I like Elton John, he doesn’t. I ask him not to use certain terms in talking to me that I find offensive. He defends himself and gets abusive. Scary abusive! I tell him never to darken my email box again, that if he has any respect for me, he will leave me alone. All that over what should have been a minor disagreement. Of course, he continued to write, but insisted that half the blame was mine. HA! I’m not the one who blew up and started calling names because we don’t like the same kind of music! Took me 5 days to go from “maybe” to “yes, big time nut case!” I used the sociopath checklist for my questions. Because of the privacy of the site, he has no knowledge of the real me whatso ever. Took me 15 years to recognize the SP I was living with. I was thrilled I could now spot at least the most obvious ones. Yea! Love Fraud! Now if I could get a “block” button in real life….

Two years later, I meet a terrific guy on Facebook, playing one of the games. What a sweety! So understanding. Since we lived far away from each other and there was no chance of our becoming romantically involved, I finally told him my name and we talked on the phone. Again, I asked questions. Checked the answers. Caught him lying. Confronted, he ran like a rabbit. I think he’s just a creep, but the profile still screened him out. We were supposed to do business together, because of Love Fraud, I actually came out ahead on that deal, I didn’t give him time enough to scam me. Sad thing, I really thought we were friends, I still got sucked in enough to get hurt, I really WANTED to believe. But I know that about myself, and kept checking that list.

I’m very up front about my trust issues, knowing that will scare a lot off right away. I tell them I will have them investigated if it looks like we are going to have a relationship, and suggest they do the same for me. I happen to like on line. Someone talks long enough, you catch the lies. Then they never know who I really am. No more stalkers! I wish I had known all this stuff back when I was real world dating. I have made good friends, that I can trust. For me, I think it’s easier without all the visual interaction. X was soooo good at faking it! If only I had a backlog of conversations to check, he would never have made it past the first date.

In the past, letter writing was an art form. People got married on the basis of their correspondence. Now it’s faster and easier is all.

Sorry this is so long, but Love Fraud should be required reading for anyone who honestly wants to have a healthy relationship!

Dear Romantic, (You’re no fool!)

You are right, LF should be required reading for a healthy relationship of ANY kind, not just romantic ones!

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