Reply To: I got dumped and went NC and now I want him back?????



Dear Portia,

I can’t thank you enough for your wonderful, encouraging and hopeful reply. It really did make sense to me. He is a narcissist….fits all the criteria and has found a new supply..hence the dumping.
It’s the love-bombing that I can’t forget…I am totally consumed by it.
My wonderful husband was nothing like this man in any way, shape or form yet I still succumbed even though my gut was putting up red flags. It felt so good to be adored and to have someone to share my real feelings with. Now to find out that he really didn’t give a crap really, really hurts.
You gave me some great advice and as soon as I can stop crying I am going to get in the shower and put some nice clothes and makeup on.
I am 58 years old….married 25 of those years so happily and then the last 6 in this horrible relationship.
What is really hard for me is that I have no family. I am the last remaining member of my family and my husband was the last remaining member of his family. We were best friends and did everything together which in retrospect has done me a disservice as I have no real friends here where I live. I do know people from years ago that I talk to occasionally but they live on the west coast and I live on the east coast.
I am just so terribly lonely and I don’t know what to do, or where to go even if I wanted to.
I am seeing a Psychiatrist but haven’t been able to find any face to face therapy with someone familiar with narcissistic/sociopathic abuse so I don’t really feel like they “get it.”
I did watch the TED talks and they made sense to me but at the same time scared me because I knew then that I couldn’t control this feeling of hopelessness.
When my husband passed, I didn’t leave the house for over a year. I ordered all my groceries to be delivered and I gained 100 pounds in one year. I finally got to the point where I became grateful that I was one of the few lucky people to have found and married their true love and had love that lasted till the end. All my memories of him are happy ones now.
Then…..this narc comes along and snares me and destroys my self esteem and I am wondering now if I will be spending the rest of my life alone. This is a thought I can’t bear.
Logically, I know this will pass but for now he has “camped in my brain.”
I wonder how long it will take for me to get over this because everything I have read and am still reading says once you have been abused by a narc, it can take years to recover. Will by that time, my life be drawing to a close (I mean naturally.)
Your post was so insightful, I really wish you were my neighbor lol.
Again, I am so desperately lonely and afraid I will be alone forever more. Your post has given me hope and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

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