Reply To: Am I being hoovered back into a relationship?



Thanks so much for your replies. I think you guys are right. He keeps sending me random text messages just to start a conversation. I don’t ever text him unless I’m sending him something related to our daughter. I just think it’s cruel for him to come back and purposely try to stir up my emotions and then, go back to his girlfriend. I think he’s either planning on discarding her and coming back to USE me and then, leave again, or he is deriving some kind of pleasure in rejecting me. Thankfully, I only gave him the one opportunity to reject me. I certainly haven’t and won’t give him another.

My brain keeps trying to make me think there is something there that I want. That he is someone special but he’s not. Angry, emotionally stunted, empty men are a dime a dozen. Throughout the course of our relationship, I always had to win him, which of course was an ego boost for him. I always acted as if I had no value and it was an honor to be picked by a man that had no direction in life, no accomplishments to speak of, who was financially destitute and who openly admitted he was expecting me to support him financially. There are good men out there and when I’m ready (nowhere near it), I’d really like to know what it feels like to be in a mutually respectful relationship built on love. To be with a man that sees my worth, not in hindsight when the divorce papers are delivered. Not after I’ve asked for child support.

I keep telling myself that if he was decent and loved me, he never would have said the cruel things he did. And he often said them with a smile, and once even admitted that he did those things on purpose to hurt me. He keeps blaming his childhood but I grew up in a similar environment and I didn’t grow up to be an abuser. It’s a choice to hurt other people, especially someone who has done nothing but love and support them. And the more I seemed to love him, the meaner he got. And if he can lie to his girlfriend and hide a girlfriend, maybe more, from me, then he really hasn’t changed a bit. And if thinks threatening physical harm to me is a joke, then yeah, no!

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