Reply To: Spiritual sociopath. Am I wronging him? Am I the problem? How do I move on?



Hi 2Trusting,

I found it painful to read your post because I can feel how distressed you are and you seem, to me, to be caught in a miserable, tormented vortex of fear and anger and the minute details of the betrayal and hurt. Boy, I remember that.

I hope you don’t mind me saying that. I remember being in a state (actually not to do with the guy that upset me lately – something else that was bigger) where I was completely consumed by a raging storm of hurt and rage.

I wish I could say something to help. I don’t know if anything I can say would be helpful right now. Maybe I can just say that it’s going to be ok eventually. I imagine it’s hard for you to believe that. I hope you can see from some of the stuff people are posting on here that there is hope and there is an end to this. And you can let this person go and you can move on and you can even be content again.

The thing that stands out most in what you said is this: “I know he isn’t anything but lies”.

You know it. He is all lies. Can you write that in huge letters somewhere and look at that every day? I know you don’t want to believe it and there’s a part of you that does not believe it. But you typed those words. At some level you know – even if you don’t want this knowledge. Like Donna said to me in a response to my original post, ‘You have discovered the truth. Believe it.’

I’ve gone through my own thing in a messy way – have backtracked, doubted myself, made a fool of myself, acted out, wanted him, hated him, tried to manipulate him, felt guilty and bad about myself, got confused … all of it. But, at the end of the day there’s really only this: If we have a doubt that is so strong that we can put words on it, we are telling ourselves something important. Listen to and trust yourself. Please do that and lean on other people you can trust.

Do you remember anyone else in your life that you loved and got over when it ended? If you ever did that once you can do it again.

From what you say, this guy is bad news and is just wrecking your head. He only has power over you if you allow him. I know it’s not easy – am still struggling with my own thing – but all that anger I see in your message – turn that into nourishing yourself. That’s your best revenge. Get angry about making your life beautiful and let him go on to wreak havoc in someone else’s life if that’s what he’s going to do. You already know he’s no good, so you’re nearly there.

Please forgive me for being a bit preachy. I don’t really have the answers either and I’m finding it out as I go along. But I do know that this gets better and at some stage we must choose to fight for ourselves.

Go for it!

Very best wishes,


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