Reply To: Broke up with narcissist and started no contact, having a really tough time



Hi Cindyds

You are obviously a very loving, caring and giving person, which is what every nice, normal man is looking for so he can have an honest, loving relationship with you . But narcissists and sociopaths are not nice people. And they are not normal. They are not looking for loving relationships. They are looking for targets to “conquer” by wielding power over them and hurting them. They are nothing but opportunists. And kind people like you are the very targets they seek, precisely because they can hurt you and keep on doing it over and over and over and over. Just take a look as everyone who has responded here. They are all loving and caring – capable of having their hearts broken and generous enough to want to see good in someone who isn’t,
and to give almost unlimited second chances to people who don’t deserve them. People like you are the perfect targets. I know. Because I was one myself. Will this guy ever change? No. Will he ever be sorry? No. Will he ever actually care that you aren’t around? No. Do you deserve better??? Hell yes! You can get over this. And hopefully it helps to hear so many of us tell the same story. You are not crazy. You are not unreasonable. You are not bad. Far from it. You are awesome. And there are so many awesome fish out there in the sea. And you will find one who will return the love you give. In the meantime, stick to the no contact rule-no exceptions — no matter how hard it is. Develop a distraction that you use every time you are tempted to contact him or to respond. If you have accidental contact with this person, act like you just swatted a mosquito. Give him no satisfaction in any response beyond maybe “hello”. The one thing these jerks love is hurting you and causing a reaction. That gives them power over you. And they love that. The thing they hate is losing the power over you – i.e. getting no reaction.

One thing to be careful about is repeating the mistake in future relationships. I know because I did that too, before I knew what these people are all about. Apparently, I am a sucker for the kind of guy who love bombs. So I am very wary of this kind of guy now. You should be too. It’s not that nice guys dont occasionally do it. It’s that virtually all narcissists and sociopaths do it. So when you encounter that again, approach with great caution.

One day you will stop crying. I promise! And one day the amount of mental energy you devote to thinking about him and bargaining with yourself over whether and how you can make him change will also end. It takes time. But you WILL get there!!! Good luck.

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