Reply To: Broke up with narcissist and started no contact, having a really tough time



Sp. I meant to include you in my earlier response to Cindyds. Your situation sounds very similar to hers and to mine, in that we all think if we could just figure out a way to adequate explain to the spath what he is going and why it is wrong, then he will change. That is how normal people with actual feelings respond to a logical argument. Right?. Well, these people are not normal. And there is no number of times or elequence of wording that will convince them that they should change. Nor are there any words or tearful pleas that will magically convince them that they, not you, are responsible for their bad behavior and your sadness. As Annette said, spaths do not bond. And they do not care about the feelings of others. They don’t accept responsibility for what they do. They have no moral compunction about habitually cheating on you and then lying about and then telling you that you are the liar or the one with memory problems, or paranoia issues or intelligence deficiencies, or emotional problems None of these accusations is true. But the spath constantly puts you on the defensive to erode your confidence and thereby allow him to win the power game. What totally snapped me out of my fog was when my two daughters shared the same kinds of stories about their dad that I had experienced . That was a major turning point for me. in fact, I truly believe it was my moment of emancipation – after decades of enduring all his manipulative gaslighting and mind games. You can get there too. It just takes time and, most importantly, knowledge (which you now have) that you are not the problem. He is the problem. And you have neither the ability nor the responsibility to change him.

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