Reply To: Broke up with narcissist and started no contact, having a really tough time



Dear Cindy,

It is really helpful for you to realize that your head and heart are at war and to choose your head. Your heart will eventually follow. Your heartstrings get pulled because of the psycho-sexual emotional bond you have. However, you need to think (and maybe even pray) your way through this. Even if you have never experienced a healthy relationship in which you are loved and cherished, imagine what that would feel like. Maybe you have friends who have this kind of relationship. You may ask for help from a higher power. This is especially useful before you go to sleep because you could get images in your dreams that could help you. For instance, in my dreams, I get little vignettes of meeting a man who truly cherishes me. I am filled with that good feeling, and I wake up with a fleeting trace of it. That feeling keeps me safe from the losers. I remember once I was living with a man who was not good for me. He was an alcoholic, and he and his drug-using friends became my only family. When I kept trying to leave, I had a dream that I was sitting in a hot tub with him and his friends, when a large, tall male friend lifted me out and carried me away. Shortly after that dream, I was able to make the final break. The use of imagery, prayer, and just plain desire for something better have gotten me out of many an inappropriate relationship. Granted, it was a rude awakening to find that most normal men are not knights in shining armor. They all come with their issues and neuroses too. But a truly loving relationship usually feels safe and comforting most of the time.

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