Reply To: I need help!!!!



Dear youngandnaive,

This man has profound, pathological insecurities. Prompted by the most tenuous of “clues” (that phone number you wrote down), he stubbornly refuses to believe you haven’t been unfaithful to him no matter what you tried to tell him. He’s downright paranoid.

Unfortunately as you’ve discovered, it was the wrong move entirely to give in to his pressure and pretend you had cheated on him, in the hope that it would get him off your back! Naturally it did nothing of the kind. It only triggered more accusations, and “everything went downhill from there,” just as you said.

But I’m sure his insecurities showed through earlier, in the “jealousy” issues you talked about, even in the fact that he couldn’t leave you alone and spent every minute with you that he possibly could. That’s a red flag of controlling behavior right there.

He may, as others have said here, be a narcissist. Narcissists are often desperate to compensate for a very fragile ego. My own guess is that he could possibly be a borderline. That might account for his rapidly oscillating attitudes toward you, and the cyclic nature of his moods (every two weeks, you said). If so, in time he’s likely to become extremely controlling, perhaps dangerously so.

Whatever it is that’s wrong with him, there’s no doubt he’s personality disordered and just plain bad news. Like others here, I advise you to extricate yourself from this entanglement as soon as you can.

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