Reply To: I've lost all hope and even the will to live anymore. Looking for hope.



No wonder you are feeling so hopeless. That is enough betrayal and trauma for three lifetimes. First things first. It sounds more like you don’t have the physical or emotional capacity to continue with this crazy life anymore. Life (“normal” life) is not what you have been experiencing. You have been experiencing crazy-making life.

You are exhausted by these games. Exhaustion needs rest. Mental rest can be achieved making an appointment with your doctor and getting the right medication. SSRI (antidepressants) with a sedating side effect sound like something that might work if you are depressed (and you sound like you might be depressed).

The addiction background might make it difficult to prescribe sleeping pills or other sedative medications, but having a good sleep does provide a break from the swirling thoughts and feelings that have you in their grip.

If you have insurance, a stint in hospital might provide you with a chance to rest in a safe place.

The other kind of rest is a time-out from your feelings during your waking hours. You provide this by doing fun things. Seriously. Do something you really enjoy. It won’t cure your problems in the short term, but it does give your poor, exhausted mind some respite. I don’t know what you like, but I know people who like going to the movies (not a sad movie or one about betrayal), walking in the park or doing painting, yoga or running. I like knitting. It calms my nerves and gives me something to think about (like trying to find that pesky dropped stitch). I also do baking and (believe it or not) housecleaning. Anything that gets the mind out of terminal loop of thoughts is good.

Even a five minute time-out of a fun distraction helps your brain to start to heal. Time outs short circuit the nerve pathways that are going round and round each other in your brain. Sure, the feelings will re-emerge, but when they do, this is to be expected. When they do, start doing something fun again. The purpose really is to just distract yourself from how awful you feel. Yes, this really works. I did research on this a few years ago, and I was surprised at how effective having “fun” was compared to other interventions.

I googled “uplifting jokes” once. That was kind of fun. I also like online jigsaw puzzles. They can be downloaded for free and they don’t drive me crazy because they sort of turn themselves around into the right way up, so it is easier.

What things did you enjoy doing before this crazy-making person got into your life? You sound really sporty and musical (the cheer-leading thing is to music, I think???). Does Zumba appeal?

I saw a TV program last year about a cheer-leading team in Canada that won the US nationals. I can remember when cheer-leaders had pom-poms. When did you guys stop using pom-poms and go big time into the tumbling? I’m fascinated by cheering. It always is better entertainment than the sport they are cheering for.

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