Reply To: Should have trusted my gut



Thanks for sharing your story. I can relate to a lot of what you said.

As to your question of “Why”…
He wants/needs your attention. You are his supply. Any reaction from you gives him something he wants – it does NOT matter if it is negative attention. He will take WHATEVER he can from you. He’ll replace you as a supply source soon enough. That’s what he did to his exes, the behavior will repeat. Once he finds a new source, hopefully he’ll move on.

You say you ended things, did you go completely no contact? If not, I would strongly suggest you do. Keep that door closed to him. Deadbolt it, then cement it shut. There is no reason to open it again. Don’t read the emails he sends you. If you accidentally open it up before you realize it’s from him, close it immediately (that’s hard, I know). Have a trusted friend read them if you want, if there’s anything that concerns your safety or the safety of your kids then act accordingly, the rest is useless to you. He knows exactly what buttons to push for you – like you said he mimicked you well, that was intentional and purposeful. But keeping any contact with him not only benefits him but it hurts you because it doesn’t allow you to move on. I’ve read a bit about it being like an addiction. Push yourself through the withdrawal phase and things will be clearer for you once you’ve “detoxed” from the manipulation and mind games and you can hear your inner voice/instinct again. You heard it in the beginning and you ignored it (that’s not a judgement or condemnation at all – I did too and it seems to be a common theme). So reconnect with that voice inside. Reconnect with your strength. Reconnect with you. He kicked you out of balance, focus on regaining it for yourself. You’ll put yourself back together and you’ll be stronger for it.

Best of luck!

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