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Reply To: My ex keeps reaching out to me. After 14 months, he mailed me a letter.

#40212

Synergy
Participant

Hi, You are REALLY SMART to turn to this website before you do anything!

Here’s what I would do, and have done in a couple of situations. Ask others if they agree with me, or if they have other suggestions, etc.

The #1 thing is: DO NOT READ any communications from him. See more below. Just toss the communications — shred them! It may be hard at first, but I suspect it will give you a huge amount of satisfaction!!! Most likely, you will feel very powerful. It’s a concrete way of shredding HIM out of your life.

One guy I seduced (actually, I gave my body to him when I was a very mixed up person after a bad breakup!), then the guy stayed with me for a few days. Then he two-timed me with a sexy neighbor of mine, so I could not fail to see them together. I told him not to come over again.

Several years later, he shows up at my door. I calmly said, “Do not come here again. If you come here, I will not open the door. If you phone me I will hang up. If you write to me, I will not read it and will throw it away.” Well, that ended HIM.

With a husband I broke up with, I used a different tactic because the circumstances were different. A condition of our divorce was that he would pay my COBRA health insurance for 3 years. He signed that would do that. Then, after 2 months, he quit his job. Somehow or other this released him from that responsibility. Over the years, it cost me around $3,000 to pay the insurance. So…

After our divorce, we stayed in touch. Lots of problems, as you can guess. Finally, he’d call me, be cheerful and funny (he was a natural comic — kept me in stitches) But these calls always made me cry, when he’d turn them around after only 5 minutes or so.Finally, I said, “You owe me $3,000. You agreed to pay my COBRA. I paid it myself, for $3,000. DON’T CALL ME AGAIN, TILL YOU ARE READY TO PAY ME THE $3,000 you owe me.

After that, when he’d call, he’d say, “Hi! This is ________” The first words out my mouth into the phone were ALWAYS a very enthusiastic “Oh, Great!!! You’ve got the $3,000 to pay me now.” Uh, duh…he’s say. And as for me — I said NOTHING FURTHER. I remained silent till he gave up and said goodby. This “conversation” only happened about 3 times, and he was gone for good.

I’m sure you can come up with with something that fits your situation, that will just as effective, powerful, and permanent a brush-off.


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