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Reply To: Sociopaths and Crying/Empaths and Apaths

#40289

JRC861027
Participant

Okay, this ended up long. I have so many examples of weird crying incidents with my soon-to-be-ex wife.

I don’t know what is wrong with my wife but she definitely has some kind of personality disorder. Our marriage therapist met with me separately and told me she has no empathy- didn’t label her a sociopath but said she could fit under a number of personality disorders.

So, speaking of crying! She would cry crocodile tears throughout our marriage. Even when we were dating I knew they were fake and a manipulation. Why I didn’t stop dating her then, I don’t know! (I took the quiz and was a 30 for being a target…)

Anyway, when I would get sad, she would get MORE sad over something else. Sort of “stealing my thunder” so my emotions didn’t matter and hers were more important. Or if I was upset she’d get mad at me. If I cried, she would YELL at me and tell me to STOP IT! She even screamed “what the F is wrong with you” to my MOTHER at a restaurant and when I was upset and angry at her for yelling at my mom (who is a narcissist herself, so not easy to deal with- but DOES NOT deserve to be screamed at in a public place) she said I wasn’t supporting her the way a married couple should support one another. She was mad at ME for being upset with her.

She had a horrible affair on me. (we are lesbians, but I don’t know if that matters exactly, but it will give context to the story somewhat) When I found out she never cried or showed remorse. I could be screaming at her, bawling hysterically, etc. Nothing. She told me she was crying in private when I asked why she never cried. Then, she moved out and moved in with the OW. She immediately regretted it and came CRYING back to me. I said why are you crying now? My tears never meant anything to you? She wanted me back because the situation with the OW (other woman) was difficult because her son is severely autistic and doesn’t talk- he only screams to get what he wants and my wife could barely handle our perfectly normal child (who is also rather mellow and just likes to read books and play with legos) without losing her cool. Well, of course, she showed so much “remorse” and so much “regret” and said and did all the right things that I took her back. We were in couples counseling and she started her own therapy. We were in therapy for a couple months. She was living with the OW, but supposedly broken up. I finally said she could move back in and was set to move in on a the next weekend.

Then one day that week I caught her with the OW! She was very scared that the reconciliation was off. Now, to put this in context, I have an a lot of money and we live in a beautiful neighborhood in a large house we remodeled to our dream house. We lived there only 6 months when she started the affair. The OW has horrible credit, makes very little money, and my wife left and realized she is dirt poor without the money I bring to the relationship. Her account was always overdrawn and she’d ask me for money. I think she didn’t want to lose our lifestyle, where we never have to worry about money. Now looking back, I think it was all about our lifestyle.

Anyway, I catch them together out shopping, of all things. I make my wife get in the car and I give her this huge talking-to all the way back to her place where she lives with the OW and tell her if she REALLY wants to make things work with me, to pack up and move back in NOW. Again, no tears. I comment on that again, saying, Why don’t you cry if you’re so sorry?

She is freaking out all day and actually SENDS ME TEXT MESSAGES with PHOTOS of her CRYING. She says “see how upset I am” WHO DOES THAT? I had told her she needed to move home to our house that day and never see the OW again. She has about 50 reasons why she can’t. She puts it off and even though I said move back NOW she doesn’t. Then, her and the OW totally gaslight me and make it seem like I was crazy for being mad that they were “just out shopping” and the OW kept telling my wife she needs to “be careful” around me because I am unpredictable and unstable. She waits the full week even though I tell her I won’t reconcile with her if she is disregarding my wishes and the affair must be over in every way, shape and form.

When it’s time to come back, I don’t really want her home anymore as she betrayed my trust with the shopping trip and then didn’t even come home when I asked. But supposed to take care of our son while I work and his daycare is closed for President’s day. Stupid reason to let her back in. I should have made her go live with her parents. But I am OPTIMISTIC and give people the benefit of the doubt.

Of course, two days later she’s cheating on me and NOW I tell her she is being served. I served her with divorce papers and there’s no turning back! BUT we still live together. And she upsets me ALL THE TIME. When I cry she gets mad and yells at me. I tell her it’s normal to feel sad in this situation. When I cried tonight, she said “I am so sick of your crying. Get over it already. You’re trying to manipulate me into feeling guilty and I don’t need that.”

She SHOULD feel guilty. She has destroyed my life and our son’s life. She has decided that her, the OW and the other woman’s son are going to move several hours away where the cost of living is cheaper (since the OW has no money) and doesn’t plan on even pursuing more custody with our son than the minimum of every other weekend (if she even keeps that up.) She told me “I have other people to think about now.”

What the hell is this and she MUST be some kind of sociopath.


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