lf2

Reply To: I already know, but how do I get myself out of this situation?

#40291

cyndyinaz
Participant

I think that many of us can relate to feeling sorry for our narc/sociopath partner. I think that is because we are too nice. We have too much of what they lack, which is empathy, compassion, and conscientiousness. Some of us, our boundaries are poor and we give too much and sacrifice our well-being as a result. We also make the mistake of forgetting that our narc/sociopath partner does not experience the same types of feelings we do, such as empathy and remorse. So then when they feel hurt, we feel bad, wonder if they just made a mistake, need another chance, need someone to just care, and we think eventually they will get it, feel bad for what how they hurt us, and all will be well. But, that is just not the case. There is a pattern to the behavior – selfishly hurt you, be nice, hurt you, be nice – that is abuse. And the accusations of you cheating – he’s turning his bad behavior and acting as if you are the one doing it – either to project it on you or because since he does those things – his brain tells him you do because that is his norm. The blow up – and in front of your child? Shame on him – not okay at all.
If he self-destructs, it is all him. It is not your job to sacrifice your mental and physical health, while he is allow to treat you abusively, cheat on you, and lie to you, all so he won’t self-destruct. Even the “self-destruct” is a manipulation on his part. It’s like the kid that gets his way every time he screams and tantrums in the store. He’s learned if he tantrums enough, he gets his way.
you are not responsible for him. He is responsible for him. If he chooses to do whatever self-destructing means in his case – that is all him. You are responsible for you and your choices.
Take care of yourself. This is tough. You don’t deserve this. You cant live like this. You shouldn’t be with someone who scares you like that. he has no problems scaring you, accusing you of things he actually does, lying to you, cheating on you, treating you poorly. When he acts sorry, he is just trying to re-hook you. He doesn’t experience love and caring the way you do. For him, love is just him loving having you there to use- feed his ego, or whatever. Love doesn’t treat you with such disrespect. That is NOT love. I hope this helps and I hope I didn’t say too much. I wish you the best.


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