Reply To: I am leaving – but I feel bad because I am not confronting him before leaving



Hi Synergy,
Right now, I am being as nice as I can stand to be in order to not let on that I am leaving. I am leaving in nine days — on the 20th. He is being extra nice, but this time it is so much more obvious how phony it is. I am not sure why he is being so nice. I don’t know if he has a sense I am leaving so he is trying to prevent that from happening or if he wants something.
After I leave, he will not have any contact with my dog at all. I will have a couple of dog sitters to watch her while I am away at work. Next week while I am away at work (I travel 3 ½ days a week for work), I am letting her stay with a friend. I have to make up an excuse for this — and I am a little worried that I am giving too many clues I am leaving”¦ I got home later last night because I stopped off at the place I am renting and made the excuse that traffic was bad. I am not sure he bought it. Plus, he texted me a bunch of red hearts. Like I said, I am being as nice as I can force myself to but I just couldn’t force myself to return that type of text (I don’t know why I couldn’t just do it — who cares — that could’ve helped to keep him from thinking I am doing and him monitoring my every move).
I appreciate hearing leaving without telling him is not a bad thing. I have struggled with guilt over this because I don’t think he will harm me physically — he will just make the days until I leave very uncomfortable and he will escalate his little weird punishing behaviors like waking me at 3 am. I have a hard time sleeping as it is. Plus I think he might take some things, hide them, or damage them. I love your tip on discretely getting my valuables out of his reach. My mom died 1 ½ years ago and I have a few things from her I treasure. I am taking your advice on that. Again, I am so sorry what that turd did to you and your stuff! What a di*^
I don’t know why I am leaving my couch for him. I am so weird. That part of me that feels like a jerk for having him come home to an empty place with no furniture, even though I bought it, makes me feel bad. I am also leaving him the bed.
I am not leaving him everything though. I came from being so poor that all I could afford to eat was ½ can of pork and beans a day and I have worked very hard for years to finally be able to be okay. I wont be able to afford to buy anything else for a long time.
So I am taking the smaller sofa and, dressers, nightstands, coffee table, and other things. My kitchen stuff — things like that, that fit into boxes are still boxed up. When I came back, I did so because the darn lady I rented a house from decided to sell three months after I got in — I was too nice and got out to make it easier for her to sell. I had let my husband back in but even though he said he would go to therapy and work on his lying, he had already started lying again and even got better at hiding it. I knew moving back was not the right thing but I couldn’t get time off from work to find another rental and I felt I had to give him more of a chance. Nonetheless, I told him that I wasn’t yet sure this would work because of his lying and because we weren’t really doing that well and therefore I chose to keep my stuff in boxes. I am sort of surprised he hasn’t confronted me on that — but he is lazy about finishing tasks when it comes to the house and I have been working a lot, so he might think that I haven’t had time. Plus, just so I would have time to find a place, I acted as if I was busier with work. He asks all the time how much work I have and if I have free time, he wants to know what I am doing, where I go”¦stuff like that. He doesn’t ever tell me whether or not I can go places but he keeps tabs on me in his own covert way.
I have movers coming next Monday after he leaves for work. He usually comes home between 5:30 and 7. I should be out by noon. My only issue would be if his daughter decided to come here to get something — which doesn’t happen that often.
It’s happening. I am glad but nervous”¦
Thanks again to all of you for your support. I really needed it and it has helped.

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