Reply To: I can never forgive some people
How to recognize and recover from sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists and other exploiters › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › I can never forgive some people › Reply To: I can never forgive some people
Hi again, Synergy,
IMO sociopaths think in terms of power. That is a good enough reason for us to consider issues of power in trying to come to terms with sociopath mind games. Synergy, I LOVED your idea of examining the sociopath with a microscope like an amoeba on a glass slide. Mainly I loved it because of the implicit power relations. The Scientist puts the amoeba on the slide. The amoeba has no choice in the matter. The POWER is with the scientist 100\%. This is a great analogy which demonstrates that this variation of “gray rock” (scientist looking at an amoeba) gives us ALL the power and the slimy amoeba zero power. What a great outcome, indeed!
Being seen as a helpless, wiggling, brainless piece of disgusting pond scum must affect the sociopath on some level, who now experiences an abject loss of power over his hitherto helpless “puppet” who now has assumed the powerful position (in her view of the world).
This is a huge turning of the tables for the sociopath, especially because you are just being “professional” and “polite” (not nasty). I see a big serving of Karma in the situation you describe. Loss of the power to create heightened emotions in a victim would be a profound loss to a sociopath.
I agree that love and hate are alike from an energy point of view. Both are intense feelings directed at a single point, the sociopath. The sociopath is an energy parasite. He/she feeds on the energy of other people, and it doesn’t really matter if it is love or hate. Any intense emotion directed AT them is food for the sociopath. I almost think hate is a bigger buzz for them because then they can use enablers (“flying monkeys”), to punish the victim for being so mean to the poor victim sociopath in his/her pity plays. Hate by the victim seems to provide as many opportunities for the sociopath to suck energy from the victim as love does.
Being indifferent is being in a state of “no energy”. You are not spending a drop of energy on the sociopath. This automatically puts you in a more powerful position in terms of energy. Without strong feelings to play with (love or hate, fear or anger), the sociopath gets no energy supply. This would cause consternation for the sociopath who needs a constant supply of other people’s energy in the same way that other people need food and oxygen.
Thumbs up for your analogy of a scientist looking at an amoeba. It is a great (?? better???) variation of Gray Rock that gives the target a lot of power/control without requiring any emotional energy.
I think the actions/behaviors of Scientist and Gray Rock LOOK the same, but I suspect that there is an additional element of (appropriate) power/control in the Scientist approach which could be very healing to an abused victim, even in No Contact situations. It resets the power imbalance and restores dignity.
Dignity restored. I’d call that “forgiveness”.