Reply To: I can never forgive some people



Dear cloud79, Your post is fascinating — well, that’s not really the right word, but I can’t figure out exactly what to say.

It sure sounds like you are better off without your mother. That is always so unfortunate, to say the least, when family members, esp. parents and children, do not get along at all.

Well, here goes about my family. I look forward to hearing how things go for you. Do you have local friendships?

My dad was the one I had trouble with. Although, my mother was only supportive in the fact that she was physically present when I was sick, or something like that. But she was a “cool” or distant person. I never felt I really knew either of my parents, in an intimate way. They never shared their own lives, but expected me to share mine with them. It never occurred to me that this was a one-way street. My dad was emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive, particularly to myself and my brother. Our younger sister had figured out that she could be “the good girl” so she would not be the target of his anger. But being the “good little girl” has taken a huge toll on her adult life. She told me she didn’t know who she was. I’m hoping maybe that’s no longer the case with her, but I don’t know and won’t ask.

I separated myself from my parents at least 3x. Once I went 1000 miles away to college. But they still supported me, and I did not realize, at that young age, that the real way to get away was to support myself, not have any financial dealings with them. If I’d had solid (or any!) college counseling I could have worked part time, and gone to school part time, and graduate in several years rather than “on time”in four years. Another time I separated myself from them. That time, the husband of the day, and I, ran off thousands of miles, but came back. One time we left the country. In those days, it was difficult for people to travel far, or phone far, so I was free of them during those short periods of time.But one other time, I put my phone on Unlisted so they would not call me. But my dad, a very persuasive lawyer, did something or other to the phone company and the company rang him through!!!!!

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