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Reply To: Is dual personality possible?

#42191

Jan7
Participant

Hi Macus1529, I was the wife of a sociopath. just prior to our wedding my gut alarm was saying he was cheating but had zero proof (before we had cell phones). He kept me so busy with wedding changes (really demands) that he exhausted me. He manipulated me in every way to control my mind. I did not want to marry him or even date him. I believe he knew this and this is why he exhausted me mentally & physically. I was used for money & to look normal.

My ex h & I both had jobs that required us to travel every week, for him sometimes taking him away for two weeks at a time. So I understand what you were enduring. I believe now he was cheating with “hook up sites” & strip clubs during his trips and I know for a fact he cheated for 2 years with a co worker. I had my suspicions about this but never had proof.

YES, I wanted to leave him before finding out about the affair & after but he fed me such bs lies “your the only one that ever loved me” “I cant live without you” “Ill never cheat again”…he literally begged me sobbing (fake sobbing) etc pity play, gas lighting, installed fear, broke my spirit etc to keep me in the marriage. It was an absolute nightmare. His daily chaos & drama escalated. I reached out for help with marriage counselors even stating all the traits of a sociopath when describing him (not knowing at the time what I was describing) with ZERO help from the counselors. I also reached out for help from friends/family but they too were not educated on sociopathic abuse and did not give me any good advise. Sociopaths emotionally beat down their spouse. I crawled out a shell of a woman that I once was.

I felt that he had cheated on me & even brought this up, only to have everything flipped around to “you’re the one cheating on me”. I was blamed even though I never cheated or even thought of cheating.

What I think the “mistress” does not realize is the level of daily emotional, mental, verbal & physical abuse that a sociopath inflicts on the wife to keep her submissive. The brain washing & mind control is inflicted every second of the day by the sociopath on the spouse.

I told my counselor (after learning that I was married to a sociopath) that I had my suspicions that he cheated on me 8 to 12 times during the marriage. She told me it was more like 3 to 4 times that as sociopath are serial cheater. I believe the counselors numbers over mine. Its most likely more. He travelled so much and what I have read from others posting is their husbands that travels also paid for sex from hookers. I believe this as my ex travelled to Asia quite frequently. And when I was just about to leave I found a credit card bill for $2200 at a “bar”.

Does this guy’s wife know he is cheating or carrying on a double life?

YES, but not clearly. She is most likely so exhausted emotionally, mentally & physically that she can not find the door out of her marriage. She might feel stuck because the sociopath has financially destroyed them (i.e. his travels that he does is expensive racking up his credit card bills and maybe other expensive purchases i.e. homes cars ex) that she feels trapped because she would owe half of their debt.

Her health is most likely in poor shape due to all the daily stress he creates. This also would prevent her from thinking clearly in escaping.

Does she know that he is a sociopath? most likely NO!! She is confused by his behavior. She gets some relief when he leaves most likely but if he is like my ex h (a sociopath) he called me almost every day sometimes several times a day to control me.

Can they be “narcissistic” to one person?

No. They are abusive to everyone. Sociopaths use all their mind games on everyone!! Even strangers. They get joy out of screwing with peoples minds.

They know how to push someone for fun but also know when to back off to make sure to have full control over them.

Should the wife be told?

For me the answer is YES! But only if you are in a safe place and can not be physically harmed by the sociopath!! THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT. If you chose to do this do it without your name. Just sent a letter with the words look up “sociopath traits” as your husband maybe one or guide her to love fraud or other sites.

My ex h was cheating with 3 women (possibly 5 not sure of 2) in two different states when I made my escape. I contacted each after looking in his cell phone and found out that I was married (and started the divorcing process) to a sociopath. I felt the need because I feared that he would kill one of them (or me).

I was in a safe place. I called one. She knew that we were married. She even knew me. I directed her to LoveFraud. The other two I wrote a letter. I kept my emotions out & just told them facts. One broke it off from him because, like you she had no idea that he was married. The other last I hear was still dating him. Not sure about now. I told her that he was a sociopath gave her sites to look at & books also. I felt obligated. She was to far brain washed by him to hear my words. She belittled me back in several emails. I did not take it personally as I knew then she was just a victims like my self of a very evil sociopath. But never the less one day she will look them up & piece everything together & also escape is evil grips.

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Jan7.

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