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Reply To: Unsupervised visits with children

#42231

alwaysadvocating
Participant

I’m so sorry to hear this! I too have a to allow my ex unsupervised visitation with my children, it’s been a struggle. The only thing you can really do is do your best to be a great parent, use positive reinforcement, and increase your children’s resilience…we have to show them another way. My therapist worked with me for a long time to get me to stop wasting my energy trying to control situations that I do not have control over & instead focus my energy on controlling the situations that I do have control over (such as my own parenting & time with my children.) If you haven’t already, I highly suggest looking into a therapist for yourself that specializes in trauma & abuse and another therapist for your children. I also took an amazing class called “Circle Of Security” & going to take “parenting With love & logic.” Also, check into Parent child interaction therapy (P.C.I.T), this is for younger children but there are other similar therapies with the same concept for older children. I was lucky enough to find a local agency called, A.W.A.R.E. that did in home visits with our family and one on one visits with my children aside from our actual therapists. Just do your best to keep your childrens lives as structured & consistent as possible, work on pride skills & positive reinforcement (I learned through
pcit) to build up and keep a close bond with ythem. See what your community has to offer in terms of support, keep digging for resources and use them (many of them may be low cost or free.) As for dealing with your ex, remember to respond but not react.Document everything, I suggest communicating via text or email so its documented. Keep all communication short, to the point, & never respond with any emotion. If you must respond, respond to your only to what’s in regard to your children & to only what is necessary (they may try to ask things they know the answer to etc just to keep the door to communication open.) These people extract and exploit our vulnerabilities (along with everyone elses.) They do not think like us or have morals (so aside from what society says is valuable) they rely on us to either tell them or show them (via our emotional reaction.) Everything they say or do is to take our power from us by provoking an emotional reaction from us because it’s what supplies them and makes them feel powerful. They have to find vulnerabilities to target so they can hijack our emotional state & keep power and control over us. Though they are highly manipulative, they are also easily manipulated. This is hard but we have to pretend that anything of value or importance to us is what we value least in order to deflect the predator from it. Love fraud has a great article on going gray rock with sociopaths that I highly recommend to anyone dealing with an emotional manipulator (especially when children are involved.) If you have yet to check out that article, definitely do so. I’m also happy to share other links that have been helpful for me if you need. I hope this makes some sense, I’m using a mobile device so I can’t see everything I’ve typed out. Sending you peace, love, & light ♡ stay strong, join local support groups or support groups on fb if you need additional support. I can also recommend some if you’d like ♡


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