Reply To: not sure how to cope after deceit



The way you describe your feelings at discovering his major deceit to you about his former ex wife and now about you to his current victim, sounds like your reaction is very normal. Betrayal is the worst pain, confusing, and as you describe, consuming. Post traumatic stress is a normal psychological response to the trauma of being harmed by mistreatment, abuse, manipulation, etc.
Feeling vindictive is also a normal response. Consider that you can always take action, but once you do something to get back at him you won’t be able to take it back. In my experience, spaths are often successful in turning anything around so that it harms the victim. Consider that his current target will be harmed and will experience trauma just as you have.
Consider that it is likely that there are other horrible things you don’t happen to know about that he has done. He could have killed people; he could be a pedophile; etc. He may not have murdered and he may not do child porn, but one can’t be sure, like you can trust the character of a normal good man. Spaths are pathological liars, and they have absolutely no restraints to their behavior as long as they think something will benefit them and they won’t get caught.
You have experienced a real loss; you have lost the person he portrayed himself to be. You have been betrayed. You have a lot to grieve for. For most victims it takes time and hard work to recover. You sound like a strong person – you can be pleased with yourself for ending the relationship with him and for not allowing him to exploit you when you recognized the relationship was harming you. It sounds like you know how to protect yourself. You will recover and you will trust someone again. You probably will learn the signs of a bad man to be aware of and you are less likely to be deceived again.
Take care.

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