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Reply To: Introducing Myself/On BPD and The Definition of Love

#42352

Stargazer
Participant

Junebug,

When you grow up with narcissists and sociopaths (voice of experience here), you develop PTSD. PTSD can mimic BPD because many of the symptoms are the same. I was diagnosed with BPD some 30 years or so ago, and I believed it. I certainly had all the symptoms. However, I have always considered myself as able to give and receive love albeit with many issues. Many of the borderline issues I suffered with I was able to manage and even to heal, to where I can live a relatively authentic and meaningful life – at least as I experience it. I don’t know what it’s like to be other than what I am. I am also in my late 50’s now, so I’ve had a lifetime to face down some of these demons. In my later years, I had therapists tell me they didn’t think I was borderline, but that I had a bad case of PTSD. Nowadays it really doesn’t matter to me what the label is. Labels can be self-limiting if you get too focused on your pathology, as I did for so many years. I do my best to love and accept myself and all my limitations, even if they don’t look like others’ limitations. I don’t label myself anymore. I meditate often on letting more love into my life. And I’ve had to go through a lot of pain to get to where I can do that. I seek to know myself and to accept myself now, to enjoy life, and to live a life with meaning.

The world is always out there waiting to tell you you’re selfish if you don’t show love in the way others do, or if you make a choice to take care of yourself over someone who needs you. It takes a lifetime to learn not to take on what the world – and the western mental health system – tells us we should be. Love as much as you can and then forgive and accept yourself for wherever you are.

It is my understanding of the schizoid personality that there is a disconnect between head/mind and body. In my younger years, I experienced some of this. I dissociated a lot and still do sometimes though it’s getting less. For this personality tendency, there are some types of meditation that can help ground a person in their body and help them feel their emotions. My journey to healing started on such a 10-day meditation retreat.

I don’t know much about Asperger’s though I’ve known a few friends who are somewhere on the autism spectrum. I do not experience them as uncaring. Their minds seem to be wired a little more creatively, and they sometimes lack the ability to process social cues. But amazing people.

I’m not sure if any of this is helpful to you or answers any of your questions, but this is where my mind went reading your post. 🙂

Star


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