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Reply To: Introducing Myself/On BPD and The Definition of Love

#42364

junebug
Participant

Donna:

That’s interesting…when I was very young, my dad always did give me a weird, unsettling vibe, even when he was being nice. It dissipated when my father noticed and put extra effort into not seeming scary and gaining my trust.

And thanks for clarifying the terminology used here.

Stargazer:

I guess neither of us will ever really know for sure if we’re disordered. This dang bio-psycho-social stuff muddles everything.

Though it wasn’t the lies that got me. Nobody knows when I’m lying…alright, except my dad, but unless it’s to him he doesn’t care. I landed in the psychiatrist’s office for telling the truth about my motivations for doing what I did. Never tell any truth that’s outside the norm unless you’re safe and/or anonymous (preferably both).

And yeah, trust is an issue for me too. I don’t trust anyone I know in person enough to talk about this stuff. Online anonymity is wonderful, isn’t it?

About BPD…well, I’ve read multiple times that it’s not un-treatable (at least not anymore). Not that they became neurotypical, but and that Borderlines have learned to live in a way that’s not harmful to others and themselves.

Also, that must’ve been difficult dealing with the stigma. It seems like half the world thinks people with BPD are sympathetic people that need help, and the other half is convinced they’re basically evil. The times people thought I was a bad person because of the way I am were awful, and I can’t imagine going through that all the time.

Going off on a probably pretty controversial tangent here, but…I’m not sure how useful it is to just dismiss even narcissists/psychopaths as just evil and beyond help or change. Some of why I think the way I do probably has to do with the ones in my life being my family, who are rather more difficult for one to demonize than an ex-romantic partner. And then there’s being diagnosed with something myself. I’m not at all sure if those experiences make me more biased or more open.

But…there is no real treatment available for those personality disorders. And yet, I’ve seen my father sort of reign his impulsive urges over the years because he recognized they caused him more problems then they solved. He’s still definitely…well, himself, but he’s definitely come a long way from his drug and alcohol abusing college days when a girl accused him of date rape (which he barely managed to get out of). And from the early days of my life-which involved him abandoning infant me at a restaurant (he came back) and killing my pet chickens to get back at me for getting them without his permission (after a year and half with them to better allow me to get attached before he took them away) for starters. He’s mostly controlled the worst of himself now.

And I just can’t help but think that if we as a society stopped writing people off that maybe something more could be done.

-Controversial Tangent Over (Yeah yeah, probably much to your relief :))-

BTW, though I’ve never met a real person with BPD, I have read about this character who is a textbook case of it. Sonya was very much a character I love and hate and am fascinated by all at the same time. 🙂

Oh, and upload that link if/when you think of it. That sounds really interesting! 🙂

And that last sentence…aww, thank you! You’re so sweet. I hope you find all of those things too, Stargazer. 🙂

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  junebug.

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