Reply To: Introducing Myself/On BPD and The Definition of Love

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“I do believe that sociopaths can change but their motives might not be the same as an empath’s motives, namely, to avoid harming others. A sociopath can learn how to behave within the acceptable social parameters if they have something to gain by it. But it’s not the same as having a moral compass or caring about others.”

And the difference between having something to gain and caring is where it gets really REALLY messy and muddled with my father. Despite actually hating kids, my father wanted to raise a high-functioning child “like him.” That was his goal in becoming a parent; to teach a child like that how to be high-functioning right from the start, WITHOUT the years of destructive impulsivity. When my father decided for certain that I was not that child, that was when my parents started trying for my brother.

It’s so strange seeing my father mentor my brother. Just imagine someone telling their own child that if ever people he’s hanging out with want to rape a drunk girl, no matter how funny he might find it, to call the cops.

After realizing that I was not like him, my father developed a new vision for my personality. He’s somewhat grudgingly accepted me having my moral code (though that is probably different from most people’s in some ways)…it’s the unshakeable confidence and rational and unemotional viewpoint (near-completely unemotional…despite apparently being less so than normal people already, it’s still too much in his eyes) he wishes to impart. And break the last shred of my trust in humanity. To be my best self in his view, all of it must be done, just like for my brother to be HIS best self he needs to avoid openly displaying his arrogance/contempt of everyone so often and resist all destructive urges.

My brother and I turning out as planned is a major (if not THE major) goal in his life. His social experiment.

So it’s rather difficult to tell how much of his behavior toward us is based on emotional affection as most people experience it and how much is based on his ego and desire to reach a goal of his which he can’t achieve without us. He cares in the sense that he’ll protect and help us and isn’t intentionally out to harm us, but I’m not sure how much of it is emotional.

But…look, psychopaths don’t really have the mushy stuff to give. And it would be ridiculous to hate or resent him for not doing something he’s neurologically incapable of.

“There is a writer on this site – Travis Vining – who writes about his sociopathic father who is in prison.”

I started looking at his writing. It WAS interesting…though I personally could never trust or be friends with someone who could turn in their own father, especially knowing they could/would get the death penalty. I guess his loyalty is to his ideals and not to individual people.

His perspective was still an interesting one to read about though. 🙂 Thanks for telling me. And I’ll definitely read the rest of his entries.

I’m sorry about your stepfather. And don’t worry, I’m not going to start spewing garbage about addiction or trauma bonds. You have the right to love and miss whoever you choose and not have to justify that to anyone.

…Aaand you probably see why I will near-definitely never be allowed to write my own blog posts on this site. 😀 (Which is too bad because I love to write.) My opinions aren’t quiiite in line with the official position of this website.

Wow, that was fascinating to read about how you experience the world. 🙂 I can even sort-of relate. My reaction to things like the therapist looking at her watch or the friend not calling back for a week wouldn’t be much of an emotional one (like I wouldn’t get angry or sad), but my paranoia about people secretly disliking me would definitely surface.

I would begin to suspect that the therapist was bored by me and thought I was self-absorbed and pretentious. Which would make me MUCH less inclined to open up. If I was having a bad day, I might actually ask the therapist “Am I boring you?” But usually my thoughts remain safely in my head and unspoken.

I certainly wouldn’t say anything to the friend. I wouldn’t want to seem annoying and, of course, paranoid. But all that week, on and off, would be thoughts about that friend secretly disliking me the whole time we were (oh…I mean ARE) friends. Provoke that kind of reaction enough times and I won’t trust the person with literally anything beyond the surface level because I’ll think them a phony and a fake friend and a liar…albeit a phony and liar that I’ll have lunch or catch a movie with, mostly to get people off my back about having in-person friends.

And that’s great that you’re so happy and doing so well now. Bask, bask, in the joyful rewards of all your hard work on yourself! 🙂

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by  junebug.

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