Reply To: Characteristics of a Sociopath

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Traumatized41, It’s normal to feel like checking for a text from him; the important thing is not to let him catch you off guard so that you respond. If you feel like responding or he contacts you about something that you feel needs a response, consider waiting a day or more before sending your response. It’s helpful to allow yourself time to think about your response if any. You can always respond, but once sent or once you answer his call, you can’t take it back. Keep in mind his contacts will be all about manipulating you, trying to get you ‘hooked’ again, trying to get you to respond. In my experience, when my ex spath recognized that I had figured him out, he did not think it would be useful to him to exploit me and he pretty much left me alone. However they often make contact months, years, or decades later if they are trolling for prey – kind of like a check in to see if there’s anything worth victimizing in his view.

It’s true that a person bent on harming others can’t be stopped. It’s good that you’re aware, though, and keep your own safety in mind as you go about your days.

Your ex sounds potentially dangerous – joking about killing people is a red flag. Really important is how you felt the time you reference, “In that moment i felt fearful.” Empirical evidence shows that a woman’s intuition and feeling of fear is an accurate measure of real danger. A very good book on the subject is The Gift of Fear by Gavin deBecker. I found it helped me to be more aware of possible danger and to think more clearly about my ex psychopath’s motives and how he might choose to act. It took me a long time to realize that he has absolutely no inner restraints on his behavior. The only restraints are external – if he thinks he will get caught. I came to understand that he very well may have killed someone in the past or he may not have. Without a conscience, a spath is capable of anything if he thinks it will get him what he wants and he thinks he won’t get caught. You might consider the possibilities of him tampering with your car, or poison, or something that might look like an accident. Spaths do these type of things and they often don’t ever get caught. Also consider he may be eavesdropping on your computer, your phone, your car, or your physical whereabouts.

Another helpful tool to balance one’s view of potential danger is this professional grade survey that assesses the likelihood that someone may act violently. It’s made available in the public interest. The questions helped me think about my situation.

You sound like you’re doing very well.

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