Reply To: His new victim has just contacted me via Facebook



Cloud, I relate to your feelings of strength due to being a survivor. In my case, my lack of fear led to me sometimes not protecting myself from abusers. I think it would have been better if I’d had a healthy fear, not necessarily dread or panic, of those who are potentially harmful to me. It’s my understanding now that spaths and other predators tend to target those of us who are more trusting and less skeptical/hesitant in getting in a relationship. Once in a ‘relationship’ the spath will use gaslighting and other techniques to confuse the victim and prevent her from recognizing the extent she is being harmed.

Empirical evidence shows that our intuition is a good indicator of someone’s dangerousness to us, even when our conscious mind doesn’t recognize any signs. It sounds like you have safety in distance and that you’re no longer interacting with him. Once spaths have a potential target on his radar they tend to return, even decades later, to see if there’s anything more they can exploit the target for. It may be helpful for you to keep your safety from him in mind in a general way. For example, you may want to limit your social media exposure by either staying off it completely or keeping everything private and invisible to anyone except friends you invite. Blocking someone from FB isn’t enough because they can use another profile to view your info. To the best of my ability, I try to make sure that my ex psychopath doesn’t get any info about me, where I’m living, what I’m driving, where I’m travlling to, etc.
When his abusiveness became evident in the ‘marriage’ I told my close friends that if anything happened to me to look closely at him, and I told him I’d done that. My living will stipulated that if I were incapacitated, he would not be allowed near me and that he would not be involved in any decisions. After we separated, I made sure my home was secure, I told the neighbors to let me know if they ever saw him around, and I did not accept the gifts of food and spring water he offered me a couple of times after we separated. I don’t know as he was trying to poison me, but I knew that he believed he would be better off if I didn’t exist and he had no conscience nor did he care about my well being.

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