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Reply To: Trying to move forward

#43367

kathleenkelly
Participant

When I was dating him, I found out that he was thrown out of the Navy for selling drugs and that he embezzled money from a previous employer. But that was then….and this was now. After all, he was helping himself by attending AA meetings.

I didn’t find out about his sexual secrets until after we were married. Although looking darkly through the past, I remember while we were dating he once told me that he “felt like raping a woman he saw on a beach” when he was 19 years old. He proudly boasted that he was able to control himself. I wasn’t sure what to think of that. Perhaps he was just a drunk kid? It troubled me….but I somehow “blew it off” to youthful folly.

When I tracked him down on the internet this past D-day, I found out that his taste in porn was more repulsive than I could imagine. The porn genres he frequented the most were “barely legal” and porn that depicted violence toward women. I was sick for days after discovering this.

The signs were all there from the beginning. But I was too naive to read them. My chaotic family background gave me a high tolerance for things that should never be tolerated. To boot, I was one of those people who looked for the best in people.

He took up with another victim just a few months after I threw him out of the house. (a much younger woman) I suspect she is probably a lot like I was……trusting, needy, kind hearted. She has a young daughter. That scares me. But he and his narcissism are no longer part of my life.

The only thing I care about is recovering from the damage.

  • This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by  kathleenkelly.

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