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Reply To: His new victim has just contacted me via Facebook

#43400

AnnettePK
Participant

I’m glad you’re at a place where you don’t get triggered by him.
I think I can relate a bit about it being a relief to you when you discover his horrible antics. After my ex spath was gone, it helped me on some level to confirm my understanding that he is disordered. He blamed me for everything, it was reassuring to know he does what he does regardless of whom he’s with. You’re right, the truth is always better than being deceived and/or wondering.

If you message your ex spath’s current target via FB, you might consider whether he will see it if he has access to her account. She might show it to him anyway, but if he sees it without her permission she doesn’t have the option to keep it private. She may be naive and/or she may believe his lies to her about you and/or she may be under a hypnotic spell. My ex spath used hypnotic techniques on me which worked well to keep me interacting with him much longer than I would have otherwise. He also instilled fear of him in me with veiled threats and show of force (punching walls, using a knife to cut up a premarriage workbook we were working on), and being psychologically cruel and physically careless with my son. I guess another thing to consider is that even if she acts on the information you provide and leaves him, he will target someone else, sadly.

I understand what you’re saying that you don’t have anything you need to hide from him, or from anyone else, because you’re a decent person sharing your normal and good life, so why block him from your FB. That makes sense with respect to most normal situations, but it may not apply when dealing with a sociopath which is not a normal breakup nor was it a normal relationship. Interactions with spaths nearly always cause harm to the target because the spath’s goal is always exploitation. Spaths also enjoy the feelings of power and control they get from harming others, so harming others, causing stress, abuse, pathological lying, etc. are what they do. When normal friends and acquaintances read your FB posts they are interested in your well being and they are interested in what’s going on in your life because they care about you. When a spath does anything including checking on your FB page it’s for the purpose of seeing if there’s anything to further his goals of exploiting and harming you.

If someone lies to us, betrays us, fails to care about our well being, that person is a bad person, and he is inherently harmful to us. Eliminating that person’s access to us in every way possible is a step we can take to protect ourselves. It might be worth considering why you don’t mind a horrible lying betraying pervert who deceived you seeing anything about you and your life? You deserve to interact with people of good character who appreciate what you have to offer and who care about your well being.


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