Reply To: not sure how to cope after deceit



Vonkie~ Hugs to you!

I have also been through the horror of betrayal. When I first discovered my ex husband’s “secret life,” I could barely function. I was in a state of shock. As the shock wore off- my emotions were like a roller coaster.

This is my second “D-day” with this man. The first D-day was in 1988. I threw him out. He crawled back “a changed man.” He became a “Christian.” I was fooled again. I stayed for the “sake of the children.” A painful choice I wish I never made. This last go around……I couldn’t take the lies and deception anymore. I divorced the narc/pervert and moved to a different state.

It’s been hard for me to try to rebuild my life after 31 years of marriage to a perverted narcissist, but I feel better emotionally. No more sorting through lies, looking over my shoulder or worrying about what he’s up to. I literally lost 100 lbs of misery, depression and anxiety when I gave him the boot.

I was physically sick when I booted him. I lost weight rapidly. I did not know about “trauma bonding” or why I was grieving for a man who treated me so poorly. I was gas lighted to the max. I think I had a case of Stockholm Sydrome.

Race, socioeconomic status, religious affliation does not matter with narcs. They come in all shapes and sizes!

From my experience, the less you communicate with the narc- the better your healing. That seemed impossible at first, but new found knowledge of what I was dealing with-helped me distance myself from the narc.

I found a support website to help me understand the nature of his sexual deceptions (Are You Married to a Sex Addict). And “Chumplady’s” blog (Tracy Shorn- author of Leave a Cheater- Gain a Life)- helped me understand what I was dealing with- a lost cause!

What you are feeling is normal. Do all that you can to provide self care for YOU. The shock wears off in time- and your emotions will go bonkers. It’s all part of the healing.

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