Reply To: not sure how to cope after deceit



Vonkie & Kathleen Kelly,

People often don’t understand why one grieves the loss of a harmful bad man. It seems logical that we’d be glad to get rid of an abuser. The truth is that we have experienced a real loss and the appropriate emotion is grief. We have lost a relationship with someone who turned out not to be the person he said he was. We bonded to the person the spath portrayed himself to be because we are normal people capable of love in a relationship. In addition to loss, we have the pain of betrayal to deal with which.

It is normal to think about what he is doing with his new thing, because (unlike spaths) normal people can’t walk away from a relationship and just turn off their feelings. You’re right to try not to think about him, so that you’ll recover better and sooner. It took a few years of being out for me, but I found myself feeling very glad to be rid of him.

The success these disordered evil people have in deceiving the world is infuriating. It helps me to keep in mind that I was once deceived (into ‘marrying’ my ex psychopath) which helps me understand those who are currently still being deceived. I met my ex psychopath in church, and he’s still there (in another congregation) deceiving everybody but a few of my close friends.

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