lf2

Reply To: How to Handle Graduation Party

#43689

Redwald
Participant

Naturally I appreciate that this is a difficult situation. In spite of that, I have to say that this is your daughter’s party, and she should have the right to invite whoever she wants to it, including her Dad. Telling her “this is a situation he created” is irrelevant to her own need to maintain a relationship with him, and not freeze him out from her celebrations.

Way back when Ann Landers was alive and writing her advice column, she used to advocate a principle she called “Landers’ Law” concerning parties where people who hated each other were candidates for the guest list. What if the host or hostess was friends with both the Smiths and the Joneses, but the Smiths refused to come because they “can’t stand those awful Joneses at any price”? What’s the organizer to do? How can he or she choose whether to invite the Smiths or the Joneses, leaving the other couple out? What Ann always said was “That’s not your problem. If they can’t stand one another, it’s their problem!” Her advice was to invite them both anyway! And if one person or couple chose not to attend because they “couldn’t stand” someone else who was going to be there, that was their decision. At least they could never complain that they “weren’t invited.” And the organizer is not left feeling guilty for having chosen one over the other. If your daughter does have one party for everyone, I hope that others would not turn down the invitation because her Dad was going to be there, because after all, it’s not about him; it’s about your daughter.

Of course, there is another consideration here. If your daughter wants her party held at your brother’s house, her uncle’s, and he refuses to have her Dad there, that’s perfectly within his right “not to have that man in his own house.” If she insists on one party, she may have to find another venue. Good luck sorting all this out, whatever is decided, and let us know how it goes when the time comes!


Send this to a friend